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So I Married an Axe Murderer

So I Married an Axe Murderer quotes

38 total quotes

Charlie Mackenzie
Stuart Mackenzie

Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as the Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.
Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?
Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders before he went tets-up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes! And that smug look on his face, "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"
Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?
Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartarse!
Charlie Mackenzie: Coo-coo.

Tony Giardino: Everytime you meet a nice girl you can get close to, you always break up with them for paranoid reasons.
Charlie Mackenzie: That's not true. I broke up with those girls for very good reasons.
Tony Giardino: Oh really?
Charlie Mackenzie: Yes.
Tony Giardino: Oh really? What about Jill?
Charlie Mackenzie: She was in the mafia.

Tony Giardino: What about Pam?
Charlie Mackenzie: She smelled like soup.

[is served a huge cup of coffee] Excuse me miss, there seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large cappuccino. Hello?!

[singing "Do You Think I'm Sexy" with bagpipes] If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, c'mon baby let me know! Haggis solo!

Come, Nadia. Let us dance like children of the night!

Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

Harriet! Harry-it, hard-hearted harbinger of haggis... Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screams into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely! It's really hard! This poem... sucks.

Heid! Pants! Now!

Heid! Paper! Now! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if you can, hauling that gargantuan cranium about!

Heid, turn off the Bay City Rollers! The game's about to come on!

I believe most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

I like the night life. I like to boogey.

I think I'm dating Ms. X...

Let's get pissed!