[The pair start making their way through the hallways of the dragon's dark and spooky keep. Shrek is wary, while Donkey is downright terrified. Only an occasional torch lights the way. The passages are littered with bones, armor, and weapons, presumably belonging to the remains of unsuccessful knights who tried to rescue the princess.] [whispers nervously]

You afraid?

No. But.... [shushes Donkey in the fear of awakening the dragon]

[sighs]

Oh, good. Me neither. [gets spooked and gasps] 'Cause there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. An unfamiliar, dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire. It sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're in danger. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.

[Donkey crashes into a pile of knight remains, knocking over a skeleton whose helmet lands on Donkey's head. The skeleton's head falls off, and Donkey gasps]

Donkey, 2 things, okay? Shut. Up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. [grabs the helmet and puts it on]

Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess.

[picking up pieces of armor]

The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.

What makes you think she'll be there?

I read it in a book once. [walks off]

Cool. You handle The Dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going.

[Shrek, now adorned in knight armor, walks off further into the castle. Donkey wanders off in the opposite direction, still talking to himself, and pushes his way through a giant set of doors]

I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it.

[Behind a broken wall, a giant eye opens to see an unaware Donkey. Elsewhere, Shrek spots a light in the window of a tower.]

Well, at least we know where the princess is. But where's the-?

DRAGON!

[Donkey screams in horror and takes off running, narrowly dodging the Dragon's fiery breath. The Dragon chases after Donkey, stomping on the pile of knight remains in her way. Shrek turns around to see Donkey barreling toward him with the Dragon close behind him]

DONKEY, LOOK OUT!!! AAH!

[Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as The Dragon breathes another fireball. Donkey drops to the floor to avoid another fireball, which manages to singe the tuft of his tail. The Dragon is just about to eat Donkey when Shrek grabs hold of her tail.]

GOT YA!!!! [The Dragon begins to swing her tail back and forth with Shrek still holding on, then launches him to fly into the air.] AAAAAAH! [Shrek crashes through the roof of the tallest tower and into Fiona's room. Fiona wakes up and looks at him lying on the floor, unconscious.]

[The Dragon now focuses her attention on Donkey, breathing fire at him and forcing him onto a stone bridge. The Dragon knocks down portions of the bridge until Donkey is left standing on a lone pillar]

No. Oh, no, No! [the dragon growls] Oh, what large teeth you have?! [The Dragon roars] I mean white, sparkling teeth!

[The Dragon pauses, looks at him inquisitively, and then smiles. Donkey might just flatter his way out of becoming dragon food.]

I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness?

[The dragon appears to be flattered by Donkey's compliments]

And you know what else? You know what else? You're-- You're-- [The Dragon leans forward and gazes at Donkey, revealing her long eyelashes and lipsticked mouth. Suddenly it was all clear to Donkey] --a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. [The Dragon flutters her eyes at him] What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? [Dragon blows a heart-shaped smoke ring at Donkey] Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh... [coughs] I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! [Dragon picks him up by the tail in her mouth and happily carries him off] No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!