David For a hero, you're quite a hypocrite!
Played by Dylan Moran 
Shaun of the Dead (2004) · 104 quotes
Shaun of the Dead (2004) · 104 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Shaun of the Dead (2004): in 12 of its 104 quotes
Most scenes with: Shaun (7), Ed (6), Liz (6)
Scenes with David
12 scenes David David I'm not the one being unreasonable, pickle!
Shaun, what I'm trying to say is, I need something a little more, rather than spending every night in the Winchester. I wanna get out there and do more interesting stuff, I wanna live a little, and I want you to want to want to do it too! [Groans] Listen to me, I'm beginning to sound like your mum – not that I know what she sounds like.
David You still haven't met his mum?!
Don't you get along with your mum, Shaun?
No, it's not that I don't get on with her-
David Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun?
No! I love my mum!
Yeah, I love his mum.
Ed.
Ed!
David & Di Shaun!
Shaun.
Liz! Look, I understand what you're trying to say, OK, and I agree. We should get out there. We'll start tomorrow, alright? I'll book a restaurant, you know, the place that does all the fish? Just the two of us. Things will change, promise.
You promised you'd quit smoking when I did!
Well...
You promised you'd start going to the gym!
I...
You promised you'd try red wine instead of beer!
Eh...
You promised we'd go on holiday together!
Well, we went to Greece, didn't we?
We met in Greece!
David At a rave.
You promised things would change.
You promised you'd get us free cable.
I'm working on that!
Okay.
David I'm not staying here.
David don't do it, that's suicide.
I think he should go.
[After he kills a zombie, while Ed and David just idly stand there]
Feel free to step in at any time!
You did alright.
David Didn't want to cramp your style.
What?!
David We're in a pub! What're we going to do now?
Get a round in?
David, kill the Queen!
David What?
The jukebox!
David [After Shaun gets shouted at by Liz] [Smugly]
Basically, I'd say your nine lives are up, Shaun.
Get ****, four eyes! Why don't you go out with her, you love her so much?
David What do you mean by that?
David [Shaun rolls his eyes and storms off; David and Diane stand next to each other uncomfortably]
Well, I don't know what he meant by that.
David [During a stand-off, when David tries to shoot the recently-deceased Barbara]
You know I'm right, Liz. She's going to come back, and she's going to kill all of us. That's what your ex can't seem to realize!
[Tearfully]
That's what this is about, isn't it? It's just he doesn't like me! He's always hated me, and now he wants to shoot my mum!
David She's not – !
You never thought I was good enough, that I deserved her!
David What are you talking about?
Oh come on! We all know you're in love with Liz!
David [Stung]
That is not true!
Yes it is!
David That is not true!
Yes it is.
David What?!
I know that you only hung around with me in college to be close to Liz, and when she knocked you back I was there to pick up the pieces. I've come to terms with that, Daffs. Why can't you?
David Lizzy, I want you to know that my feelings for you have always been the same for -
David, please! We have slightly more pressing matters at hand!
You're the one who's gone from being a chartered accountant to Charlton Heston!
David I'm not a chartered accountant!
Well you look like one!
YEEEEAH!
David I'm a lecturer!
You're a twat!
YEEEEAH!
David She's not your mum anymore! In a minute, she'll be just another zombie!
[exasperated]
Please can we just calm...the ****...DOWN! [moves the gun in David's hands so it's now pointing to the floor rather than Barbara] [Everyone relaxes from their hostile positions]
"[After Shaun kills Barbara]"
David Well....I think we're all agreed you did the right thing there.
"[Shaun viciously turns and punches David to the floor and he **** his gun at Shaun]"
Dianne and Liz
David, NO! David.
David "[He leaves after he couldn't bring himself to do it]" Right, I'm leaving.
What?
David I'm not staying here.
David, Don't it's suicide.
"[worriedly]" I think you should go.
David We Will. We can run, We can defend ourselves.
"[viciously]" What do you mean We?
David What do you mean that I mean we?
Opening that door now would be a very very silly thing to do.
David You're gonna stay here with him.
Look... Shaun....
David After where he gotten us into!.
YOU LET ME FINISH! Shaun didn't ask you to come here you came for the same reason I did because you didn't know what else to do. Now get away with that door this instant!
David But.....
DAVID!.
David I'm so sorry, Dianne.
Maybe I'm not the one who should be apologising too.
David Shaun, "[Shaun glares at him venomously and angrily]" I'm.........
