I'm never going to get married.
Why not? It's not as bad as it looks.
Because I always want to live here with you.
Well, you know. One day, you're going to grow up, meet a wonderful guy, and you're going to get married. But you and I will always be best friends.
[He kisses her forehead. Scene shifts to present day.]
Dad, could you be any more of a dork?
Cassie, do you know where this girl lives, or do you just think you know?
I know where, I just know one way to get there, and you refuse to go that way.
Because it's a stupid way.
Jamie You're lost, aren't you?
Yes, I'm lost. Because our daughter, Sakagawea back there, doesn't know the address or the name of the street, she just knows it as 'the one next to the one with the fountain'.
W Waitress
Wipe your feet.
Jamie [while tying a knot in a cherry stem in her mouth]
Mm-hmm. Mmm, mm-hmm. [spits stem out] See, that's why you should study. So you can get good grades and go to a big party school. [drops stem]
[her and Bob are playing billiards]
Hey, Dad, how come we never got a pool table for the house?
Because of the generalissimo over there. [Cassie laughs] We had one before you were born, in the dining room, but then, you know, you get a job, you start inviting over for dinner, you have a family.
Yeah, it was fun. But then something happened that was a lot more fun.
[amuses Bob referred to her]
Aw...
We got the George Foreman smokeless grill.
[laughs]
Okay...
[Bob sinks the 8-ball]
[as Cassie, Jamie and Carl are walking on the road]
You know what's scary is that this is rush hour.
Mom, there's never going to be any other cars on this road. [suddenly, the horn honks the Star Trek theme]
Jamie [notices the horn, in surprise]
Oh, my God! [she, Carl and Cassie turn around and see the Gornickes in their bus. It then shows the bus on the highway]
[from inside the bus]
Where's your husband?
Jamie [from inside the bus]
Don't ask. Could you possibly take us to an airport?
[notices the stuff on the table]
What's this?
Oh, I gotta study for my stupid placement test.
[slyly]
Oh, like some sort of vocational training?
15 and a half. I jumped a grade. Moon, though, she skipped two grades.
[surprised]
Wow. You guys are smart.
[after he slides onto the front window of Gornickes' bus]
JAMIE!!!
[Jamie, Mary Jo and Travis scream in shock, as Travis brakes hard, causing Bob to hit himself on the front window] [astonished]
Bob?!
Jamie [Bob slides off the window and falls to the ground, while Jamie furiously storms out of the bus and shoves Bob as she walks up to him]
Are you an idiot?! Do you want to see your father bouncing down the highway?!
What are you doing with the Partridge Family?
Jamie WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON TOP OF THE BUS?!?
Because I was chasing you! You win! I blew off my job because I can't live without you. You happy?
Jamie I never asked you to blow off your job! I wanted you to be honest with me!
[confused]
Honest? Like, "Todd's gonna fire me if I go to Boulder" honest? "Screw Hawaii" honest?
Jamie [tearfully, yet confused]
Oh, I see. You think that if you told me you were in trouble and your job was in jeopardy, that I'd give you a hard time about it?
No crying, that's cheating.
Jamie [in a normally worried tone]
Do you think I'm some horrible witch that doesn't care? I do care! I care a lot! [shoves Bob] In fact, I hate you, jerk.
[sadly]
I didn't want you to know I was in trouble. You and Cassie and Carl, you mean everything to me. [as Cassie and Carl are watching from the bus windows] What you think about me is the most important thing in the world. I didn't want to fail.
Jamie [apologizing]
If you don't know how I feel about you after 19 years of marriage...then I must be a failure as a wife.
Then you admit you're the problem.
Jamie [smiles as she cares]
Bob. [she hugs Bob] You mean more to me than just a paycheck.
[satisfied]
That's good, because we won't be getting one for a while. I missed that meeting.
[as he and Mary Jo are watching from the bus door]
No, you didn't. Come on, Bob. Come here. [he shows Bob and Jamie exactly where they have arrived]
[amazed]
It's a Christmas miracle!
No, it just sounded like this was where your wife needed to be...so I brought her.
Travis has never been one to mind his own business.
Travis...some of my behavior on this trip might be misconstrued as an insult. Did come off a tad abrasive.
[owning up]
I was wrong, and it takes a small man to admit it.
I understand a metaphor, Bob. See, I went to Stanford.
[hugs Travis in excitement]
YOU BIG LUG, I LOVE YOU! [Jamie and Mary Jo laugh] Who loves his big lug?!
Jamie [offscreen]
What?
We need gas. [Cassie groans] And I really have to go to the bathroom.
Jamie You know, we have one of those.
Yeah, but after my last little shower of sadness...
Jamie Okay, okay, do what you have to do.
Oh, I-I-I've got an ICBM coming!
[mutters to himself]
If there's a poop fairy, I can make a lot of money.
