One more hiss out of you, eh, er, uh, Hiss, and you are walking to Nottingham.
Hiss [mutters]
Snakes don't walk, they slither. Hmph. So there.
Played by Terry-Thomas 
Robin Hood (1973) · 24 quotes
Robin Hood (1973) · 24 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Robin Hood (1973): in 9 of its 24 quotes
Most scenes with: Prince John (8), Little John (3)
Scenes with Hiss
9 scenes Hiss Hiss [Prince John raises his mirror to hit Hiss on the head]
Ah, ah, ah! 7 years bad...[the prince hits him, smashing the mirror] Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Hiss And you...who might you be, sssir?
I am Sir Reginald, Duke of Chutney. [stuffs Hiss' hat over his mouth] And don't stick your tongue out at me, kid. [to the prince] And now, your mightiness, allow me to lay some protocol on you. [stoops to kiss Prince John's hand]
No, no, no, forgive me, but I lose more jewels that way. Please sit down.
[sits on Hiss]
Thanks, PJ, you can't get a better seat than this, the royal box...hey...what...who? [Pulling out Hiss] Oh, uh, excuse me, Buster.
Hiss Buster?! You, sir, have taken my seat!
You heard his mightiness! Move it, Creepy, get lost. Begone, long one.
Hiss What cheek. Creepy, Buster, Long One? Who does that dopey duke think he is?
Catch the dope, with your horoscope!
Fortune tellers, how droll. Stop the coach!
Hiss Sssire, sire, they may be bandits.
Oh, poppycock! Female bandits? What next...rubbish... [to Robin Hood and Little John] My dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands, whichever you like... first.
Oh, how gracious - [kisses hand and removes large ring] - and generous.
Hiss Sssire...taxes are pouring in, the jails are full, and - OH! I have good news, sire... Friar Tuck is in jail!
[throwing money everywhere]
FRIAR TUCK?! It's ROBIN HOOD I want, you idiot! Oh, I would give all my gold if I could just get my hands on that - [pauses, turning to Hiss] Did you say Friar Tuck?
Hiss Did I? Y-y-yes, I did.
Ah. Hiss - I have it. I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood!
[After being robbed by a disguised Robin Hood and Little John] [snivelling]
No, no, no, no!
Hiss I knew it. I knew it. I just knew this would happen. I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen, you just had to-- [Prince John raises his mirror in anger] Ah, ah, ah! Seven years' bad...[the prince hits him, smashing the mirror] luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Hiss [A rainstorm sends rain pouring down Nottingham and the castle. Inside the castle, lots and lots of gold bags and coins flank the throne. Prince John sits in the throne, scowling quietly and angrily, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. Hiss stares at the prince]
Ahem. Sire, if I may...may venture an opinion, you're not your usual, cheerful, genial self today. [Prince John blinks his narrowed eyes, ignores him and continues scowling] I...I..I know! You haven't counted your money in days. Hmm? It always makes you so happy. [Prince John is still scowling, Hiss plays with the coins] Ahem. Sire...taxes are pouring in, the jails are full, and... Oh! I have good news, sire - Friar Tuck is in jail!
[finally exploding furiously and throwing money everywhere]
FRIAR TUCK?! IT'S ROBIN HOOD I WANT, YOU IDIOT! Oh, I would give all my gold if I could just get my hands on-- [pauses, turning to Hiss, his scowl turning to a mischievous grin] Did you say Friar Tuck?
Hiss Did I? Y-y-yes, I did.
Ah! Hiss, I have it! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood!
Hiss Another trap?
Yes, yes, you stupid serpent! Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows in the village square, don't you see?
Hiss [shocked]
B-B-But sire! Hang Friar Tuck?! A man of the church?!
Yes, my reluctant reptile. And when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric, [chuckles] my men will be ready. Ha-ha. [looks out through the window with a devilish grin]
Oh, no. It's so miserably unfair!
Hiss Well, I tried to tell you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. Your traps just never work. [Fire consumes the castle] And now look what you've done to your mother's castle!
AAAAAGH! Mommy! [sucks his thumb, becomes angry, and begins to swat at Hiss and chase him still sucking his thumb] Ohh! Hold still, you cowardly cobra!
Hiss [dodging his blows]
Aah! Ooh! Sire, no! Please! Oh, no!
Procrastinating python! [screams through his sucking thumb] Ooooh! Aggravating asp!
Hiss Save me! Ooh!
You eel in snake's clothing!
Hiss Help! He's gone stark raving MAD! [echoing]
