Prince John
One more hiss out of you, eh, er, uh, Hiss, and you are walking to Nottingham.
Tied for most-quoted character in Robin Hood (1973): in 10 of its 24 quotes
Most scenes with: Hiss (8), Little John (3)
Scenes with Prince John
10 scenes
[Prince John raises his mirror to hit Hiss on the head]
Ah, ah, ah! 7 years bad...[the prince hits him, smashing the mirror] Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Prince John
[screams]
Mummy! [sucks thumb] I've got a dirty thumb.
And you...who might you be, sssir?
I am Sir Reginald, Duke of Chutney. [stuffs Hiss' hat over his mouth] And don't stick your tongue out at me, kid. [to the prince] And now, your mightiness, allow me to lay some protocol on you. [stoops to kiss Prince John's hand]
Prince John
No, no, no, forgive me, but I lose more jewels that way. Please sit down.
[sits on Hiss]
Thanks, PJ, you can't get a better seat than this, the royal box...hey...what...who? [Pulling out Hiss] Oh, uh, excuse me, Buster.
Buster?! You, sir, have taken my seat!
Prince John
[laughs]
Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester?
Catch the dope, with your horoscope!
Prince John
Fortune tellers, how droll. Stop the coach!
Sssire, sire, they may be bandits.
Prince John
Oh, poppycock! Female bandits? What next...rubbish... [to Robin Hood and Little John] My dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands, whichever you like... first.
Oh, how gracious - [kisses hand and removes large ring] - and generous.
Sssire...taxes are pouring in, the jails are full, and - OH! I have good news, sire... Friar Tuck is in jail!
Prince John
[throwing money everywhere]
FRIAR TUCK?! It's ROBIN HOOD I want, you idiot! Oh, I would give all my gold if I could just get my hands on that - [pauses, turning to Hiss] Did you say Friar Tuck?
Did I? Y-y-yes, I did.
Prince John
Ah. Hiss - I have it. I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood!
Prince John
[After being robbed by a disguised Robin Hood and Little John] [snivelling]
No, no, no, no!
I knew it. I knew it. I just knew this would happen. I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen, you just had to-- [Prince John raises his mirror in anger] Ah, ah, ah! Seven years' bad...[the prince hits him, smashing the mirror] luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Prince John
[screams]
AAAAAAAAAH! Mommy! [sucks thumb] I've got a dirty thumb.
Prince John
[After being revealed and captured at the tournament, Robin Hood is about to be beheaded] [looking nervous]
STOOOP! Executioner, stop! Hold your axe!
[holding a dagger to his back]
Okay, bigshot. Now tell 'em to untie my buddy, or I'll...
Prince John
[flinches]
Sheriff, release my buddy! [flinches again] I mean, release the prisoner!
Sheriff [confused] Untie the prisoner?
Lady Kluck
You heard what he said, Bushel-Britches!
Prince John
Sheriff, I make the rules! And since I'm head man-- [flinches again, mutters back at Little John] Not so hard, you mean thing... LET HIM GO, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES! LET HIM GO!
Prince John
Hiss! You’re never around when I need you!
[stuck inside the barrel of ale]
Coming! Coming! [singing drunkenly] For I’m a jolly good fellow, for I’m a jolly good fellow.... [Prince John removes the cork, letting him out] Oh! Oh, there you are, old boy! PJ, you won’t believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood!
Prince John
[simmering with rage]
Robin Hood. [Hiss nods happily; Prince John snaps and ties him in knots around a pole] AAAAAH! Get out of that if you can.
[A rainstorm sends rain pouring down Nottingham and the castle. Inside the castle, lots and lots of gold bags and coins flank the throne. Prince John sits in the throne, scowling quietly and angrily, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. Hiss stares at the prince]
Ahem. Sire, if I may...may venture an opinion, you're not your usual, cheerful, genial self today. [Prince John blinks his narrowed eyes, ignores him and continues scowling] I...I..I know! You haven't counted your money in days. Hmm? It always makes you so happy. [Prince John is still scowling, Hiss plays with the coins] Ahem. Sire...taxes are pouring in, the jails are full, and... Oh! I have good news, sire - Friar Tuck is in jail!
Prince John
[finally exploding furiously and throwing money everywhere]
FRIAR TUCK?! IT'S ROBIN HOOD I WANT, YOU IDIOT! Oh, I would give all my gold if I could just get my hands on-- [pauses, turning to Hiss, his scowl turning to a mischievous grin] Did you say Friar Tuck?
Did I? Y-y-yes, I did.
Prince John
Ah! Hiss, I have it! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood!
Another trap?
Prince John
Yes, yes, you stupid serpent! Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows in the village square, don't you see?
Prince John
Yes, my reluctant reptile. And when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric, [chuckles] my men will be ready. Ha-ha. [looks out through the window with a devilish grin]
Prince John
Oh, no. It's so miserably unfair!
Well, I tried to tell you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. Your traps just never work. [Fire consumes the castle] And now look what you've done to your mother's castle!
Prince John
AAAAAGH! Mommy! [sucks his thumb, becomes angry, and begins to swat at Hiss and chase him still sucking his thumb] Ohh! Hold still, you cowardly cobra!
Prince John
Procrastinating python! [screams through his sucking thumb] Ooooh! Aggravating asp!
Save me! Ooh!
Prince John
You eel in snake's clothing!
Help! He's gone stark raving MAD! [echoing]
