2nd most-quoted character in The Replacements (2000): in 18 of its 42 quotes
Most scenes with: Coach Jimmy McGinty (10), Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff (3), Daniel Bateman (3)
I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style. Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.
Shane Falco You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand.
What's it gonna be, Shane?
Shane Falco I want the ball.
You know what separates the winners from the losers?
Shane Falco The score.
Shane Falco I read Blitz!
Hey Shane Falco. I lost a ton of money on that Sugar Bowl disaster of yours. What a bloody shambles that was. You could smell the stink all the way back in bloody Wales.
Shane Falco Nice meeting you too.
Shane Falco You, ah, wanna come on board for a beer?
Annabelle Nothing personal, Shane, but I don't date football players.
Shane Falco I don't blame you. Not even quarterbacks?
Annabelle Especially not quarterbacks. You guys are the biggest babies of all.
Shane Falco Danny.
Yeah?
Falco Remember what I said about not hitting redshirts in practice?
Yeah.
Falco Forget about it.
Ok.
Falco Hey Martell. [punches him]
Yaaaah! [Fight breaks out during which Danny beats up Eddie Martell, who's wearing a red shirt]
Oh shit! I forgot the whole red shirt thing! This games confusing.
Shane Falco Remember, red means STOP.
Like a street light, right?
Shane Falco Yeah.
Get on up (offering Falcon a hand up)
Shane Falco I think I'm just going to lie here for a moment and collect my thoughts.
Work shit out, right?
You'll be glad he's on your side.
Shane Falco Yes, very.
Coach, what will Washington need to get back into this game?
Can you elaborate?
So with a word, Coach McGinty says Washington will need to have heart to get back into this ball game.
We have a game to win. Nobody can beat Dallas with these losers!
Shane Falco I can.
Hi Shane, how are ya, now get the HELL OUT OF MY LOCKER ROOM!
Falco Coach?
What the hell took you so long?
Falco Traffic. [players cheer him on]
Suit up!
What?! O'Niel will fire your ass!
It won't be the first time!
This is bullshit. I'm going to put an end to it right now. (heads for the locker room exit)
Come and get some then, you big fatty!
This doesn't change anything, Falco. I'm an All-Pro quarterback. I've got TWO Super Bowl rings! You'll never be more than a replacement player.
Falco I can live with that.
I'm sorry.
Shane Falco What?
I'm sorry Shane, I can't kick it. I took 50,000 quid and pissed it all on the track.
Falco What do you mean?
They're gonna take my pub away from me. It's all I've got, Shane!
Come on, Shane!
Annabelle Oh, my God... oh, my God...
Shane Falco It looks worse than it feels.
Annabelle Oh, my God... it looks like Hell.
Shane Falco Then it looks exactly like it feels.
You look like a swordfish I caught once. Yeah, he hit the deck just like that. [Falco stares at him] You know who I am?
Shane Falco Yeah, Jimmy McGinty. You're the old coach from the 80's. [Picks himself up]
Yeah, we met just before the Sugar Bowl.
Falco I remember. [Shakes hands with McGinty]
Hell of a game, that Sugar Bowl. What'd you lose that by, 40 points?
Falco That'd be 45.
Sometimes a game like that just sticks with you, and you can never shake it off.
Falco Got three concussions to prove it.
That's why girls don't play the game.
Falco What're you doing here, coach?
I'm back with the Sentinels; I want you to quarterback them. I've found the best guards available to protect you and a wide receiver even you couldn't overthrow.
Falco ...I'm retired.
Retired, huh? [Gestures to his run-down houseboat] Well, it looks like things have been going real well for you since.
Falco I've got no complaints. It's quiet here. Nobody bothers me.
Well, that's the real good thing about plankton, you know: it pretty much keeps to itself.
You know what separates the winners from the losers, kid?
Shane Falco The score.
Getting back up on that horse after you've been kicked in the teeth. I've watched films of your game since the Sugar Bowl. You should've been carrying a clipboard that first year, not trying to carry the whole team. Your teammates leaned on you, and you crumbled. Is that how you wanna be remembered?
Falco I don't wanna be remembered at all.
You're still young. If you do well, who knows what'll happen once the strike ends? Look, I'm not going to make any promises, Shane, but why not take a chance, huh? Rather than hang out here, scraping crap off the bottom of somebody else's toys.
Shane Falco Hey, coach, can I ask you a question?
Yeah, go ahead, shoot.
Falco Why me?
...I look at you, and I see two people: the man you are and the man you ought to be. Someday, those two will meet, and should make for one hell of a football player.
FALCO! If I had wanted Cochran to have the ball, I would have called it that way!
Shane Falco I read Blitz.
Bullshit! I put the game in your hands, you got scared!
Falco I read BLITZ!
Shane Falco Lay off.
Eddie Martel Lighten up, Falco. It's not like he can hear what I'm saying.
Falco I can.
Martel What's it say?
Falco "There's one good thing about being deaf; it makes it easier to ignore the assholes." [Murphy taps Martel on the chest and points to him; Falco translates the sign language] "You..." [Murphy makes a circle with his left hand and wiggles his right index finger in it] "Asshole."
Martel Heh, that's funny. [Martel sucker punches Falco. Replacement players start to stand up, while Murphy starts to confront Martel, when Shane stands up again]
Falco Hey, it's cool! It's cool! [To Martel] You've had enough?
Martel Look at this guy. You've got balls, Falco. You've got shit for brains, but you have balls.
Falco Well, thank you. [To Bateman, who's by the jukebox] Hey Danny! Remember what I told you about redshirts in practice?
Yeah.
Falco Forget about it.
Ok...
Falco Hey Martell. [punches him]
Yaaaah! [Fight breaks out during which Danny beats up Martel, who's wearing a red shirt]
[At halftime, in the Sentinels' locker room, losing to Dallas 17-0)
I ran it just like you said! You just underthrew me!
Eddie Martel This isn't a track meet, asshole, you have to look for the ball!
You better back off, man.
Martel You-!
Hey, hey! [To Martel] I'll pull you off the field, you spoiled little punk.
Martel And who do you think O'Neill's going to side with: some burned out old coach, or somebody who puts fans in the stands?
Leo Pilachowski Hey, what do you think you're doing?! We got a game to play!
Martel Nobody can beat Dallas with these losers!
Shane Falco I can.
Hi Falco, it's great to see ya, now get the hell out of MY LOCKER ROOM!
Falco Coach?
What the hell took you so long?
Falco Traffic. [players cheer him on]
Suit up!
What?! [To McGinty] O'Neil will fire your ass!
It won't be the first time!
This is bullshit. I'm going to put an end to this right now. [heads for the locker room exit]
Come and get some then! [Pulling his shirt off, spitting into his right hand, and faces Martell] You big fairy!
This doesn't change anything, Falco. I'm an All-Pro quarterback. I've got [points two fingers at him] TWO Super Bowl rings! And you'll never be more than a replacement player.
Falco Yeah... [looks at McGinty] yeah, I can live with that. [team applauds]
My brothers, will somebody please, PLEASE get this asshole out of here?
[Andre Jackson leads players in shoving Martell out]
Sorry, Shane. Sorry, everybody.
Shane Falco No problem, Jumbo. Just make sure you rip someone's head off on this one.
Consider it done.
Falco Alright. So, besides me, who really wants the ball?
Falco Yeah. You want it, Brian. Let's hook up. [Calls the play, while gesturing in sign language for Murphy] DC Left, Y Motion, 88 Warrior. Gentlemen... [Sticks his hand into the middle of the huddle, the rest of the players in the huddle put their hands on his] It's been an honor sharing the field of battle with you. It's on one, on one. Ready?
BREAK!
