Jiminy quotes from Pinocchio (2022)

Jiminy

Hold up here, Pinoke. Boy, they ought to do something about the loose gravel on this road. One of these days, a heavy wagon is gonna fling one of these rocks and hurt somebody. What in Sam Hill do we pay taxes for?

Pinocchio

What are taxes?

Jiminy

Nothing you need to worry about, especially now that you're not gonna be famous. But here's what you do need to know about school: One, pay attention. Two, obey the rules. And three, do whatever the teacher tells you to do. Got it?

Pinocchio

Got it. [Jiminy hops off his shoulder] Aren't you coming with me?

Jiminy

Uh, no, Pinoke. Most schools don't take kindly to insects. They lump me in with wasps, cockroaches and termites. I'll be waiting for you when school lets out. Get you home by the stroke of 3:17.

Pinocchio

OK, Jiminy.

Jiminy

Whoa! [to the viewers] See what I mean?

Jiminy

He's a good kid, right? And here's the good news: It seems Pinocchio is serious about becoming brave, truthful, and unselfish, and he listened to his conscience. I bet you were thinking I dropped the ball, but old Jiminy picked up the fumble, and it's smooth sailing from here.

Out! Get out! [kicks him out while all the other children laugh at him] Get out, and stay out! School is for real children, not ridiculous puppets. Puppets belong in a puppet show. Get in. Come on. [heads back inside, shutting the door behind him]

Jiminy

Well, I'll be. [goes to walk over to him, but Honest John traps him in a jar, as he runs over to Pinocchio, except Gideon, who looks at Jiminy with a taunting grin before following his friend] Hey! What's the big idea?! Get me outta here! Lemme out!

This is an outrage! An atrocity!

Pinocchio

I don't think that teacher likes me.

Oh, who cares what he thinks? His pedagogy is completely outdated. Is his curriculum child-led? Brain-based for a growth mindset? I think not. [slaps Gideon in the face] He makes no room for different learning styles.

Pinocchio

He said I didn't belong. All the kids laughed at me.

Of course they did. Puppets make people laugh. Oh, you poor, poor misunderstood boy. Don't you see? You don't fit in a traditional educational environment. You are misunderstood, just like every great actor who ever walked the Earth. School is for ordinary, humdrum, common, boring, silly little children! Not brilliant artists like yourself. It's fame you want. Fame and fortune.

Pinocchio

But my father…

Wanted you to go to school and you did. You went to school. You gave it the old college try. And what did the wise and learned schoolmaster say?

Pinocchio

He said I belong in a puppet show.

Alas, a puppet show. I rest my case. [holds his hand out to Pinocchio, who reaches out for it and shakes it anyway] Now we're talking!

Jiminy

No!

To Stromboli's! Fame awaits!

Lampwick

Hey, Slats, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. How come you didn't bust any of them cuckoo clocks? Any real kid would love to smash those clocks.

Pinocchio

It just didn't feel right.

Lampwick

Listen to Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. Well, I guess you ain't transformed into a complete jerk yet. [chuckles]

Pinocchio

I don't want to be a jerk. I want to be a real boy.

Lampwick

The way you're going, you might make it to half a real boy. It looks to me like you still got a conscience inside of you.

Pinocchio

I wish I still did had a conscience.

Jiminy

Pinocchio!

Jiminy

All of his clocks are gone.

Pinocchio

What do you think happened to him?

Sofia

He sailed out to sea.

He sailed out to sea?!

Sofia

That's right. Sailed out to sea. Am I not speaking clearly?

Jiminy

How?

Sofia

How do you mean? In boat. He needed to get to Pleasure Island to lock for Pinocchio. So he sold all of his clocks and he bought a boat. Those clocks meant everything to him. It's his life's work.

Pinocchio

Gee. He sold his clocks to find me?

Sofia

That's right, kid. You mean more to him than his beloved clocks.

Jiminy

Moreover thanking anyone.

Pinocchio

Let's go!

Pinocchio! [chuckling]

Pinocchio

Sabina? I'm so glad it's you!

Look. [chuckling] You've got new ears!

Pinocchio

Uh yeah, and a new tail.

Pinocchio, we, the members of the New Marionette Family Theater, have a very important proposition.

Pinocchio

You started your own puppet show?

We sure did. Last night, the Carabinieri arrested Stromboli and put him jail.

Pinocchio

Wow. The New Marionette Family Theater! I like it.

But there's more, we would be honored if you want me and your show.

Pinocchio

Really? You want me in your show?

Yep, donkey ears and all.

And we want you to be the headliner.

Pinocchio

Really? I can't think of anything more wonderful. But... Uh... I have to stay and find my father.

Pinocchio, something tells me the decision you made is the right one.

Jiminy

It sure is, Pinoke. I'm proud of you, kiddo. And look! Your donkey ears are gone!

Pinocchio

Yeah! My donkey ears are gone!

And your tail!

Pinocchio

They're both gone!

Well, we've got to get going. Perhaps I'll see you next year when we come back to put on a show in Siena?

Pinocchio

I hope so.

Until next year. And, Pinocchio, please give my best to your father.

And mine, too.

When you find him.

Pinocchio

I sure will.

Jiminy

Holy moly! I almost forgot. Sofia said Geppetto left about two hours ago, headed south. She agreed to airlift us so we can search for...

Sofia

Hold on one gosh-darn minute. Let's get something straight here, Mr. Cricket. I said I'd airlift you, not him. I can't carry a heavy block of wood. No offense, kid.

Jiminy

Well, what are we gonna do?

Pinocchio

I have an idea.

Pinocchio

Father, I'm sorry I didn't come home after I got kicked out of school.

Geppetto

You got kicked out of school?

Pinocchio

Yes, for being a puppet. So I joined the puppet show and became famous.

Geppetto

You became famous?

Pinocchio

Well, almost famous. I danced in a puppet show and made lots of money. But then I got kidnapped and was locked in a bird cage, so I had to tell a bunch of fibs to Jiminy so my nose would grow so I could escape. But then I got scooped up by a coach full of foolish kids, and was taken to Pleasure Island, where I learned to drink… Uh, I forget what they called it. But anyway, Pleasure Island was bad because I grew donkey ears and a tail, and was chased by the vapor creatures who wanted to sell me to the salt mines, but Jiminy helped me and we jumped off a cliff into the sea and swam to shore, where we found out you sold all your clocks to buy a boat so you could look for me. And now we're here!

Geppetto

You did all that in one day?

Pinocchio

Yes.

Geppetto

My goodness. I haven't done a fraction of that in my whole life.

Pinocchio

I'm sorry, Father. I apologize for all the trouble I caused. (But yeah.)

Geppetto

Oh, no, Pinocchio, my boy. All is forgiven. I'm just so happy to see you safe and sound. Now we can go home again and we'll be all together! We'll be one big happy…

Sofia

Monstro! It's Monstro! IT'S MONSTRO!

Jiminy

Well, I'll be. He's asleep. Wake up! My friend's in there! Open up, you big blubber mouth!

Pinocchio

Figaro, Cleo, I've got Father!

Jiminy

Pinoke!

Pinocchio

Jiminy, thank goodness! I thought you were a goner.

Jiminy

Look! He sneezed us back toward land! [he and Pinocchio see Monstro emerging from the ocean, angrily chasing towards them] HERE HE COMES!

Pinocchio

Everybody, hold on!

Pinocchio

Father? Father?

Jiminy

Pinoke, you made it.

Pinocchio

Jiminy, Father looks like he's hurt. I have to help him.

Jiminy

You go. I'll catch up.

Pinocchio

Father? Father, talk to me. Say something. [Random] Father, wake up. [Random] Father, Figaro is here. And Cleo. They're all here. [voice breaking] Don't die, Father. Please don't die. [sobbing]