Pinocchio, I have been thinking. Maybe it is time for you to go to school.
Pinocchio Really, Father? Really?
Played by Benjamin Evan Ainsworth 
Pinocchio (2022) · 17 quotes
Pinocchio (2022) · 17 quotes
Most-quoted character in Pinocchio (2022): in 16 of its 17 quotes
Most scenes with: Jiminy (7), Geppetto (5), Lampwick (4)
Scenes with Pinocchio
16 scenes Pinocchio
Honest John
[As Pinocchio runs while trying to catch up with the other school kids, Honest John trips him over with his cane]
Uh-oh. Oh, God! Oh, my, my! How clumsy of me. [picks Pinocchio up] I am terribly sorry. [kicks Gideon away before setting Pinocchio down] I do hope you're not injured.
Pinocchio Injured?
Honest John
Damaged. Broken. Irreparably splintered beyond repair.
Pinocchio I'm not broken.
Honest John
[sighs in relief]
Thank heavens. You must be constructed of pretty sturdy oak.
Pinocchio I'm pine. That's why I'm called…
Honest John
Yes, pine. Well, we can't all be constructed of quality lumber. [Laughs] Well, well. Quite the scholar, I see. [tosses the apple aside after taking only one bite out of it] A man of letters. I presume you're on your way to lecture at the science academy?
Pinocchio No. I'm going to school, so I can learn a bunch of stuff to be a real boy, and make my father proud.
Honest John
A real boy? Why on Earth would you want to be real when you can be famous?
Pinocchio Famous?
Honest John
Yes, famous. I'm speaking of the theater. Bright lights. Music. Applause. Fame!
Pinocchio Fame? But I want to be real. [starts to walk away, but Honest John holds him back with his cane]
Honest John
Yes, yes, my boy. But did you know, many people say that you're not actually real until everybody knows about you? Why, to be famous is to be real. Until then, you're just a nobody. Do you want to be a nobody? No! Nobody wants to be a nobody. Everybody who's anybody wants to be a somebody.
Pinocchio But my father said I should go to school.
Honest John
Of course he did. All parents say that. But he doesn't recognize your genius. Who needs an education when one has such a personality, such a profile, such a physique?
Hold up here, Pinoke. Boy, they ought to do something about the loose gravel on this road. One of these days, a heavy wagon is gonna fling one of these rocks and hurt somebody. What in Sam Hill do we pay taxes for?
Pinocchio What are taxes?
Nothing you need to worry about, especially now that you're not gonna be famous. But here's what you do need to know about school: One, pay attention. Two, obey the rules. And three, do whatever the teacher tells you to do. Got it?
Pinocchio Got it. [Jiminy hops off his shoulder] Aren't you coming with me?
[Behind him nearby, Honest John and Gideon hide in a bush]
Uh, no, Pinoke. Most schools don't take kindly to insects. They lump me in with wasps, cockroaches and termites. I'll be waiting for you when school lets out. Get you home by the stroke of 3:17.
Pinocchio OK, Jiminy.
[As Pinocchio rushes over to the building, a rock from the gravel flies, and Jiminy ducks to avoid it from hitting him]
Whoa! [to the viewers] See what I mean?
[Behind him, Honest John yanks Gideon out of wooden debris, and into the bush with his cane. The Headmaster rings the bell for the children to get inside. As Pinocchio hops up the stairs, he waves at the Headmaster and heads inside, followed by the Headmaster himself] [to the viewers]
He's a good kid, right? And here's the good news: It seems Pinocchio is serious about becoming brave, truthful, and unselfish, and he listened to his conscience. I bet you were thinking I dropped the ball, but old Jiminy picked up the fumble, and it's smooth sailing from here.
Headmaster
[The door opens as the Headmaster holds Pinocchio]
Out! Get out! [kicks him out while all the other children laugh at him] Get out, and stay out! School is for real children, not ridiculous puppets. Puppets belong in a puppet show. Get in. Come on. [heads back inside, shutting the door behind him]
[stunned]
Well, I'll be. [goes to walk over to him, but Honest John traps him in a jar, as he runs over to Pinocchio, except Gideon, who looks at Jiminy with a taunting grin before following his friend] Hey! What's the big idea?! Get me outta here! Lemme out!
Honest John
This is an outrage! An atrocity!
Pinocchio I don't think that teacher likes me.
Honest John
Oh, who cares what he thinks? His pedagogy is completely outdated. Is his curriculum child-led? Brain-based for a growth mindset? I think not. [slaps Gideon in the face] He makes no room for different learning styles.
Pinocchio He said I didn't belong. All the kids laughed at me.
Honest John
Of course they did. Puppets make people laugh. Oh, you poor, poor misunderstood boy. Don't you see? You don't fit in a traditional educational environment. You are misunderstood, just like every great actor who ever walked the Earth. School is for ordinary, humdrum, common, boring, silly little children! Not brilliant artists like yourself. It's fame you want. Fame and fortune.
Pinocchio But my father…
Hones John
Wanted you to go to school and you did. You went to school. You gave it the old college try. And what did the wise and learned schoolmaster say?
Pinocchio He said I belong in a puppet show.
Honest John
[gasps]
Alas, a puppet show. I rest my case. [holds his hand out to Pinocchio, who reaches out for it and shakes it anyway] Now we're talking!
No!
Honest John
To Stromboli's! Fame awaits!
Stromboli
[shouting in Italian, then in English]
What this nonsense?! Nobody in my show performs for free! Now pack! We leave in an hour! And you… Ooh, ooh, ooh. My little Pinocchio. I was scared to death you got lost or stolen. And we wouldn't want that now, would we? In an hour we go! [The scene cuts to him throwing Pinocchio and shuts him in a bird cage]
Pinocchio Let me go! Let me out of here! Help!
Stromboli
[locks up the cage with a key]
There, this will be your home, where I can find you always.
Pinocchio Oh, no. No, no!
Stromboli
Yes, yes. To me you are belong.
Pinocchio Let me go! Let me out of here! Help! Father!
Stromboli
Father? No parent wants a bizzaria like you.
Pinocchio No, no!
Stromboli
Parents want a real kid.
Pinocchio Jiminy. Father. Help! Help! Oh, no. Help! [whimpering] Please.
Stromboli
[puts the key on a hook next to the door; speaking in Italian; in English]
My little wooden gold mine. [laughs maliciously and closes the door behind him, locking it]
Your conscience is the last thing you want to take to Pleasure Island.
Pinocchio Pleasure Island? Is that where you're going?
You bet your sweet patootie that's where we're going. It's the greatest joy joint in the world. No cops, no parents, no rules. You can tear the place apart and nobody says a word.
Well, kids, it seems we have a doubter in our midst. A killjoy who apparently doesn't believe in having fun. I mean, who doesn't believe in transformative experiences? Shall we all turn tail and go running back to Mommy and Daddy?
Children
NO!
Pinocchio Look, you kids go. I'll go another time.
[Pinocchio and Lampwick are hanging out in a pool hall on Pleasure Island, alone together]
Now we're talking. Am I great or what?
Pinocchio It's awfully quiet. Where do you suppose all the kids went, Lampy?
They're around here somewhere. What do you care? They're all losers anyway. Four in the corner. Oh! Look at that. Another perfect shot, if I do say so myself.
Hey, Slats, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. How come you didn't bust any of them cuckoo clocks? Any real kid would love to smash those clocks.
Pinocchio It just didn't feel right.
[laughs]
Listen to Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. Well, I guess you ain't transformed into a complete jerk yet. [chuckles]
Pinocchio I don't want to be a jerk. I want to be a real boy.
[scoffs]
The way you're going, you might make it to half a real boy. It looks to me like you still got a conscience inside of you.
Pinocchio [Jiminy chirps into the billiard hall]
I wish I still did had a conscience.
Pinocchio!
Pinocchio I still say it's not right to yell right as somebody's about to make a shot.
Get over it. Everybody's knows psyching out your opponent is a great strategy. You gotta do what you gotta do to win.
Pinocchio You're wrong, Lampy. I still call what you did cheating.
Come on. To hear you talk, you'd think something terrible was gonna happen to us. [suddenly sprouts some donkey ears; Pinocchio gasps and pushes his root beer away] Conscience, right. [sprouts a donkey tail] What a crock.
Pinocchio Uh, Lampy, you might want to check your…
What do I look like to you? [turns and faces him, now with a donkey head] A jackass? [brays]
Pinocchio [gasps; laughs]
You sure are… [brays as he covers his mouth]
Hey, you sound just like a donkey… [brays] Did that come out of me?
Pinocchio [horrified]
Uh-huh.
[looks at his reflection in the mirror, seeing he's half-human and half-donkey, breathes heavily, then whimpers, finally realizing, and screams in horror; brays]
Help! Somebody help me! I've been double-crossed! I've been played! [rushes over to Pinocchio and grabs him; desperately] Help me, please! Anybody! Anybody, please! Just call anybody! Help me, please! [let goes of him as his hands start turning into hooves] MAMA! MAMA!
[Pinocchio backs up against the wall and watches in horror as Lampwick is fully turned into a donkey from his shadow]
[As Pinocchio and Jiminy return home during sunrise, they look through the window to see that Geppetto isn't home]
All of his clocks are gone.
Pinocchio What do you think happened to him?
Pinocchio & Jiminy
[surprised]
He sailed out to sea?!
That's right. Sailed out to sea. Am I not speaking clearly?
How?
How do you mean? In boat. He needed to get to Pleasure Island to lock for Pinocchio. So he sold all of his clocks and he bought a boat. Those clocks meant everything to him. It's his life's work.
Pinocchio Gee. He sold his clocks to find me?
That's right, kid. You mean more to him than his beloved clocks.
Moreover thanking anyone.
Pinocchio [determined]
Let's go!
Sabina
[gasp]
Pinocchio! [chuckling]
Pinocchio Sabina? I'm so glad it's you!
Sabina
[gasp]
Look. [chuckling] You've got new ears!
Pinocchio Uh yeah, and a new tail.
Sabina
Pinocchio, we, the members of the New Marionette Family Theater, have a very important proposition.
Pinocchio You started your own puppet show?
Sabina
We sure did. Last night, the Carabinieri arrested Stromboli and put him jail.
Pinocchio [The scene quickly shows last night when Stromboli is thrown into his cell as he was arrested]
Wow. The New Marionette Family Theater! I like it.
Sabina
But there's more, we would be honored if you want me and your show.
Pinocchio Really? You want me in your show?
Fabiana
Yep, donkey ears and all.
Sabina
And we want you to be the headliner.
Pinocchio Really? I can't think of anything more wonderful. But... Uh... I have to stay and find my father.
Sabina
[His donkey ears and tail suddenly disappear]
Pinocchio, something tells me the decision you made is the right one.
It sure is, Pinoke. I'm proud of you, kiddo. And look! Your donkey ears are gone!
Pinocchio Yeah! My donkey ears are gone!
Sabina
And your tail!
Pinocchio They're both gone!
Sabina
Well, we've got to get going. Perhaps I'll see you next year when we come back to put on a show in Siena?
Pinocchio I hope so.
Sabina
Until next year. And, Pinocchio, please give my best to your father.
Fabiana
And mine, too.
Fabiana and Sabina
When you find him.
Pinocchio I sure will.
Holy moly! I almost forgot. Sofia said Geppetto left about two hours ago, headed south. She agreed to airlift us so we can search for...
Hold on one gosh-darn minute. Let's get something straight here, Mr. Cricket. I said I'd airlift you, not him. I can't carry a heavy block of wood. No offense, kid.
Well, what are we gonna do?
Pinocchio I have an idea.
Pinocchio Father, I'm sorry I didn't come home after I got kicked out of school.
You got kicked out of school?
Pinocchio Yes, for being a puppet. So I joined the puppet show and became famous.
You became famous?
Pinocchio Well, almost famous. I danced in a puppet show and made lots of money. But then I got kidnapped and was locked in a bird cage, so I had to tell a bunch of fibs to Jiminy so my nose would grow so I could escape. But then I got scooped up by a coach full of foolish kids, and was taken to Pleasure Island, where I learned to drink… Uh, I forget what they called it. But anyway, Pleasure Island was bad because I grew donkey ears and a tail, and was chased by the vapor creatures who wanted to sell me to the salt mines, but Jiminy helped me and we jumped off a cliff into the sea and swam to shore, where we found out you sold all your clocks to buy a boat so you could look for me. And now we're here!
You did all that in one day?
Pinocchio Yes.
My goodness. I haven't done a fraction of that in my whole life.
Pinocchio I'm sorry, Father. I apologize for all the trouble I caused. (But yeah.)
Oh, no, Pinocchio, my boy. All is forgiven. I'm just so happy to see you safe and sound. Now we can go home again and we'll be all together! We'll be one big happy…
[Just as Geppetto is about to say "family", Monstro, a massive chimeric sea monster with sharp teeth, emerges from the ocean and swallows them] [fleeing away]
Monstro! It's Monstro! IT'S MONSTRO!
[floats all the way down to Monstro's mouth as he goes to sleep]
Well, I'll be. He's asleep. Wake up! My friend's in there! Open up, you big blubber mouth!
Pinocchio, I'm so happy to see you. Oh. So happy to see my boy.
Pinocchio Figaro, you're here, too. And Cleo.
Yes, yes, we're all together again. Isn't it wonderful? Although, yeah, it is a bit strange to be inside the belly of a whale. But we will make do. It is a bit humid, though, isn't it?
Pinocchio Father, I see your boat still floats.
Yes, yes. That is a good little boat.
Pinocchio As soon as Monstro opens his mouth, we can sail out of here.
Well, I don't know about that, Pinocchio. I mean, look at all this junk. It looks to me like everything comes in, but nothing goes out, except the other way, presumably, but that is not a good option.
Pinocchio [jumps on some dust, making Figaro sneeze; gets an idea]
Father, what's inside that lantern?
Ironically, whale oil.
Pinocchio That's right, and I have an idea!
Pinocchio [dives into the water and brings Geppetto up to the surface and on the broken half of the boat]
Figaro, Cleo, I've got Father!
Pinocchio Jiminy, thank goodness! I thought you were a goner.
Look! He sneezed us back toward land! [he and Pinocchio see Monstro emerging from the ocean, angrily chasing towards them] HERE HE COMES!
Pinocchio [spots a cave in a cliff far in the distance]
Everybody, hold on!
Pinocchio Father? Father?
Pinoke, you made it.
Pinocchio Jiminy, Father looks like he's hurt. I have to help him.
You go. I'll catch up.
Pinocchio Father? Father, talk to me. Say something. [Random] Father, wake up. [Random] Father, Figaro is here. And Cleo. They're all here. [voice breaking] Don't die, Father. Please don't die. [sobbing]
Pinocchio. My boy, you're here?
Pinocchio Yes, Father, I'm here. We're all here.
[groans]
Oh. Cleo? Figaro? Figaro, Cleo, you're all here. Oh, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that we had all been swallowed by a whale.
Pinocchio Yes, Father. But it wasn't a whale. It was a sea monster, and we got out.
Oh! Yes! Yes, we did. Now I remember. You saved us. You swam faster than any clipper ship could sail. No real boy could ever do such a thing. Oh, Pinocchio, you honestly did try with all your heart and that makes you a truthful boy. And you know what else it makes you? Unselfish and very, very brave. Pinocchio, when you first came to me, I might have made you think I wanted somebody else. But it was you I was wishing for. You will always be my real boy. There isn't a single thing I would change about you. I am so very proud of you... and I love you so very much.
Pinocchio I love you too, Father.
Well, well, we have come quite a long way, haven't we, son?
Pinocchio We sure have, Father. Now let's get you home.
Yes, let's get home. Come on, Cleo, Figaro. But... Pinocchio, do you know the way?
Pinocchio We'll follow that light.