Coachman
Well, kids, it seems we have a doubter in our midst. A killjoy who apparently doesn't believe in having fun. I mean, who doesn't believe in transformative experiences? Shall we all turn tail and go running back to Mommy and Daddy?
NO!
Pinocchio
Look, you kids go. I'll go another time.
Coachman
Your conscience is the last thing you want to take to Pleasure Island.
Pinocchio
Pleasure Island? Is that where you're going?
Lampwick
You bet your sweet patootie that's where we're going. It's the greatest joy joint in the world. No cops, no parents, no rules. You can tear the place apart and nobody says a word.
Geppetto
Pinocchio, I have been thinking. Maybe it is time for you to go to school.
Pinocchio
Really, Father? Really?
Geppetto
Pinocchio, I'm so happy to see you. Oh. So happy to see my boy.
Pinocchio
Figaro, you're here, too. And Cleo.
Geppetto
Yes, yes, we're all together again. Isn't it wonderful? Although, yeah, it is a bit strange to be inside the belly of a whale. But we will make do. It is a bit humid, though, isn't it?
Pinocchio
Father, I see your boat still floats.
Geppetto
Yes, yes. That is a good little boat.
Pinocchio
As soon as Monstro opens his mouth, we can sail out of here.
Geppetto
Well, I don't know about that, Pinocchio. I mean, look at all this junk. It looks to me like everything comes in, but nothing goes out, except the other way, presumably, but that is not a good option.
Pinocchio
Father, what's inside that lantern?
Geppetto
Ironically, whale oil.
Pinocchio
That's right, and I have an idea!
Geppetto
Pinocchio. My boy, you're here?
Pinocchio
Yes, Father, I'm here. We're all here.
Geppetto
Oh. Cleo? Figaro? Figaro, Cleo, you're all here. Oh, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that we had all been swallowed by a whale.
Pinocchio
Yes, Father. But it wasn't a whale. It was a sea monster, and we got out.
Geppetto
Oh! Yes! Yes, we did. Now I remember. You saved us. You swam faster than any clipper ship could sail. No real boy could ever do such a thing. Oh, Pinocchio, you honestly did try with all your heart and that makes you a truthful boy. And you know what else it makes you? Unselfish and very, very brave. Pinocchio, when you first came to me, I might have made you think I wanted somebody else. But it was you I was wishing for. You will always be my real boy. There isn't a single thing I would change about you. I am so very proud of you... and I love you so very much.
Pinocchio
I love you too, Father.
Geppetto
Well, well, we have come quite a long way, haven't we, son?
Pinocchio
We sure have, Father. Now let's get you home.
Geppetto
Yes, let's get home. Come on, Cleo, Figaro. But... Pinocchio, do you know the way?
Pinocchio
We'll follow that light.
Jiminy
Hold up here, Pinoke. Boy, they ought to do something about the loose gravel on this road. One of these days, a heavy wagon is gonna fling one of these rocks and hurt somebody. What in Sam Hill do we pay taxes for?
Pinocchio
What are taxes?
Jiminy
Nothing you need to worry about, especially now that you're not gonna be famous. But here's what you do need to know about school: One, pay attention. Two, obey the rules. And three, do whatever the teacher tells you to do. Got it?
Pinocchio
Got it. [Jiminy hops off his shoulder] Aren't you coming with me?
Jiminy
Uh, no, Pinoke. Most schools don't take kindly to insects. They lump me in with wasps, cockroaches and termites. I'll be waiting for you when school lets out. Get you home by the stroke of 3:17.
Pinocchio
OK, Jiminy.
Jiminy
Whoa! [to the viewers] See what I mean?
Jiminy
He's a good kid, right? And here's the good news: It seems Pinocchio is serious about becoming brave, truthful, and unselfish, and he listened to his conscience. I bet you were thinking I dropped the ball, but old Jiminy picked up the fumble, and it's smooth sailing from here.
Out! Get out! [kicks him out while all the other children laugh at him] Get out, and stay out! School is for real children, not ridiculous puppets. Puppets belong in a puppet show. Get in. Come on. [heads back inside, shutting the door behind him]
Jiminy
Well, I'll be. [goes to walk over to him, but Honest John traps him in a jar, as he runs over to Pinocchio, except Gideon, who looks at Jiminy with a taunting grin before following his friend] Hey! What's the big idea?! Get me outta here! Lemme out!
This is an outrage! An atrocity!
Pinocchio
I don't think that teacher likes me.
Oh, who cares what he thinks? His pedagogy is completely outdated. Is his curriculum child-led? Brain-based for a growth mindset? I think not. [slaps Gideon in the face] He makes no room for different learning styles.
Pinocchio
He said I didn't belong. All the kids laughed at me.
Of course they did. Puppets make people laugh. Oh, you poor, poor misunderstood boy. Don't you see? You don't fit in a traditional educational environment. You are misunderstood, just like every great actor who ever walked the Earth. School is for ordinary, humdrum, common, boring, silly little children! Not brilliant artists like yourself. It's fame you want. Fame and fortune.
Pinocchio
But my father…
Wanted you to go to school and you did. You went to school. You gave it the old college try. And what did the wise and learned schoolmaster say?
Pinocchio
He said I belong in a puppet show.
Alas, a puppet show. I rest my case. [holds his hand out to Pinocchio, who reaches out for it and shakes it anyway] Now we're talking!
Jiminy
No!
To Stromboli's! Fame awaits!
Lampwick
Hey, Slats, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. How come you didn't bust any of them cuckoo clocks? Any real kid would love to smash those clocks.
Pinocchio
It just didn't feel right.
Lampwick
Listen to Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. Well, I guess you ain't transformed into a complete jerk yet. [chuckles]
Pinocchio
I don't want to be a jerk. I want to be a real boy.
Lampwick
The way you're going, you might make it to half a real boy. It looks to me like you still got a conscience inside of you.
Pinocchio
I wish I still did had a conscience.
Jiminy
Pinocchio!
Pinocchio
Figaro, Cleo, I've got Father!
Jiminy
Pinoke!
Pinocchio
Jiminy, thank goodness! I thought you were a goner.
Jiminy
Look! He sneezed us back toward land! [he and Pinocchio see Monstro emerging from the ocean, angrily chasing towards them] HERE HE COMES!
Pinocchio
Everybody, hold on!
Pinocchio
Father, I'm sorry I didn't come home after I got kicked out of school.
Geppetto
You got kicked out of school?
Pinocchio
Yes, for being a puppet. So I joined the puppet show and became famous.
Geppetto
You became famous?
Pinocchio
Well, almost famous. I danced in a puppet show and made lots of money. But then I got kidnapped and was locked in a bird cage, so I had to tell a bunch of fibs to Jiminy so my nose would grow so I could escape. But then I got scooped up by a coach full of foolish kids, and was taken to Pleasure Island, where I learned to drink… Uh, I forget what they called it. But anyway, Pleasure Island was bad because I grew donkey ears and a tail, and was chased by the vapor creatures who wanted to sell me to the salt mines, but Jiminy helped me and we jumped off a cliff into the sea and swam to shore, where we found out you sold all your clocks to buy a boat so you could look for me. And now we're here!
Geppetto
You did all that in one day?
Pinocchio
Yes.
Geppetto
My goodness. I haven't done a fraction of that in my whole life.
Pinocchio
I'm sorry, Father. I apologize for all the trouble I caused. (But yeah.)
Geppetto
Oh, no, Pinocchio, my boy. All is forgiven. I'm just so happy to see you safe and sound. Now we can go home again and we'll be all together! We'll be one big happy…
Sofia
Monstro! It's Monstro! IT'S MONSTRO!
Jiminy
Well, I'll be. He's asleep. Wake up! My friend's in there! Open up, you big blubber mouth!
Pinocchio
Father? Father?
Jiminy
Pinoke, you made it.
Pinocchio
Jiminy, Father looks like he's hurt. I have to help him.
Jiminy
You go. I'll catch up.
Pinocchio
Father? Father, talk to me. Say something. [Random] Father, wake up. [Random] Father, Figaro is here. And Cleo. They're all here. [voice breaking] Don't die, Father. Please don't die. [sobbing]
Pinocchio
I still say it's not right to yell right as somebody's about to make a shot.
Lampwick
Get over it. Everybody's knows psyching out your opponent is a great strategy. You gotta do what you gotta do to win.
Pinocchio
You're wrong, Lampy. I still call what you did cheating.
Lampwick
Come on. To hear you talk, you'd think something terrible was gonna happen to us. [suddenly sprouts some donkey ears; Pinocchio gasps and pushes his root beer away] Conscience, right. [sprouts a donkey tail] What a crock.
Pinocchio
Uh, Lampy, you might want to check your…
Lampwick
What do I look like to you? [turns and faces him, now with a donkey head] A jackass? [brays]
Pinocchio
You sure are… [brays as he covers his mouth]
Lampwick
Hey, you sound just like a donkey… [brays] Did that come out of me?
Pinocchio
Uh-huh.
Lampwick
Help! Somebody help me! I've been double-crossed! I've been played! [rushes over to Pinocchio and grabs him; desperately] Help me, please! Anybody! Anybody, please! Just call anybody! Help me, please! [let goes of him as his hands start turning into hooves] MAMA! MAMA!
[Pinocchio backs up against the wall and watches in horror as Lampwick is fully turned into a donkey from his shadow]
Pinocchio! [chuckling]
Pinocchio
Sabina? I'm so glad it's you!
Look. [chuckling] You've got new ears!
Pinocchio
Uh yeah, and a new tail.
Pinocchio, we, the members of the New Marionette Family Theater, have a very important proposition.
Pinocchio
You started your own puppet show?
We sure did. Last night, the Carabinieri arrested Stromboli and put him jail.
Pinocchio
Wow. The New Marionette Family Theater! I like it.
But there's more, we would be honored if you want me and your show.
Pinocchio
Really? You want me in your show?
Yep, donkey ears and all.
And we want you to be the headliner.
Pinocchio
Really? I can't think of anything more wonderful. But... Uh... I have to stay and find my father.
Pinocchio, something tells me the decision you made is the right one.
Jiminy
It sure is, Pinoke. I'm proud of you, kiddo. And look! Your donkey ears are gone!
Pinocchio
Yeah! My donkey ears are gone!
And your tail!
Pinocchio
They're both gone!
Well, we've got to get going. Perhaps I'll see you next year when we come back to put on a show in Siena?
Pinocchio
I hope so.
Until next year. And, Pinocchio, please give my best to your father.
And mine, too.
When you find him.
Pinocchio
I sure will.
Jiminy
Holy moly! I almost forgot. Sofia said Geppetto left about two hours ago, headed south. She agreed to airlift us so we can search for...
Sofia
Hold on one gosh-darn minute. Let's get something straight here, Mr. Cricket. I said I'd airlift you, not him. I can't carry a heavy block of wood. No offense, kid.
Jiminy
Well, what are we gonna do?
Pinocchio
I have an idea.
What this nonsense?! Nobody in my show performs for free! Now pack! We leave in an hour! And you… Ooh, ooh, ooh. My little Pinocchio. I was scared to death you got lost or stolen. And we wouldn't want that now, would we? In an hour we go! [The scene cuts to him throwing Pinocchio and shuts him in a bird cage]
Pinocchio
Let me go! Let me out of here! Help!
There, this will be your home, where I can find you always.
Pinocchio
Oh, no. No, no!
Yes, yes. To me you are belong.
Pinocchio
Let me go! Let me out of here! Help! Father!
Father? No parent wants a bizzaria like you.
Pinocchio
No, no!
Parents want a real kid.
Pinocchio
Jiminy. Father. Help! Help! Oh, no. Help! [whimpering] Please.
My little wooden gold mine. [laughs maliciously and closes the door behind him, locking it]
Geppetto
Pinocchio! Pinocchio!
Jiminy
All of his clocks are gone.
Pinocchio
What do you think happened to him?
Sofia
He sailed out to sea.
He sailed out to sea?!
Sofia
That's right. Sailed out to sea. Am I not speaking clearly?
Jiminy
How?
Sofia
How do you mean? In boat. He needed to get to Pleasure Island to lock for Pinocchio. So he sold all of his clocks and he bought a boat. Those clocks meant everything to him. It's his life's work.
Pinocchio
Gee. He sold his clocks to find me?
Sofia
That's right, kid. You mean more to him than his beloved clocks.
Jiminy
Moreover thanking anyone.
Pinocchio
Let's go!
Uh-oh. Oh, God! Oh, my, my! How clumsy of me. [picks Pinocchio up] I am terribly sorry. [kicks Gideon away before setting Pinocchio down] I do hope you're not injured.
Pinocchio
Injured?
Damaged. Broken. Irreparably splintered beyond repair.
Pinocchio
I'm not broken.
Thank heavens. You must be constructed of pretty sturdy oak.
Pinocchio
I'm pine. That's why I'm called…
Yes, pine. Well, we can't all be constructed of quality lumber. [Laughs] Well, well. Quite the scholar, I see. [tosses the apple aside after taking only one bite out of it] A man of letters. I presume you're on your way to lecture at the science academy?
Pinocchio
No. I'm going to school, so I can learn a bunch of stuff to be a real boy, and make my father proud.
A real boy? Why on Earth would you want to be real when you can be famous?
Pinocchio
Famous?
Yes, famous. I'm speaking of the theater. Bright lights. Music. Applause. Fame!
Pinocchio
Fame? But I want to be real. [starts to walk away, but Honest John holds him back with his cane]
Yes, yes, my boy. But did you know, many people say that you're not actually real until everybody knows about you? Why, to be famous is to be real. Until then, you're just a nobody. Do you want to be a nobody? No! Nobody wants to be a nobody. Everybody who's anybody wants to be a somebody.
Pinocchio
But my father said I should go to school.
Of course he did. All parents say that. But he doesn't recognize your genius. Who needs an education when one has such a personality, such a profile, such a physique?