[By now, the Twilight Bark reaches the countryside, as each farm dog passes it onto the next dog traveling on a canal barge. On a hill, Towser, an old bloodhound, receives the message barking and howling] [waddles up to him]
Towser, what's going on? What is it? What's all the gossip?
T Towser
Taint no gossip, Lucy. It be all the way from London.
T Towser
15 puppies stolen.
But there's no puppies around here. Not since Nellie's last litter. And they're all grown up.
T Towser
Well, then, we'd best send the word along. It be up to me to reach the Colonel! He be the only one in barking range.
You'll never reach him at this hour!
T Towser
Well, I can try! I'll bark all night if I have to. Ahem! [barks loudly, reaching an old farm establishment, where a gate with a sign above reads "Lancers: H.M. Forces Ret.: Maj. General S.F. Smedley: The 9th Queen's Royal Lancers". A grey farm horse named Captain opens the stall door]
[neighing lowly]
Hmm-hmm-hmm. Hmm... sounds like old Towser. It's an alert. Sergeant! [peaks louder to wake up Sergeant Tibbs, a tabby cat sleeping on his back] Sergeant Tibbs! I SAY, SERGEANT! [neighs loudly to wake up Tibbs]
Sergeant Tibbs [screeches, then promptly salutes]
Who? What? Oh, yes, Captain!
Barking signal. It's an alert. Report to the Colonel at once.
Sergeant Tibbs [respectfully salutes Captain]
Yes, sir. Righto, sir. Right away, sir! [hops off Captain's back and scurries along the barn rafters to find Colonel. He reaches an empty barn stall with plenty of hay scattered on the floor and looks for Colonel] Colonel? I say, Colonel! Colonel, sir? Colonel? [yelps as Colonel wakes up] Colonel?!
What? What? Who goes there?
Sergeant Tibbs Sergeant Tibbs reporting, sir.
Tibbs? Tibbs? Oh, yes, Sergeant Tibbs!
Sergeant Tibbs Colonel, sir-
Now, look here, Tibbs. What's the idea of barging in at this hour of the night?
Sergeant Tibbs But, Colonel...
Hold on, Sergeant. You hear that? Sounds like an alert.
Sergeant Tibbs Yes, Colonel.
Well, we'd better look into it. Come along, on the double!
Sergeant Tibbs Yes, sir. Righto, sir. [follows Colonel to the stall next to Captain's stall, just as Captain himself hears the last of the message]
It's old Towser down at Withermarsh, sir.
By Jove, yes! So it is. Well, I'll see what he wants. Ahem! [barking]
T Towser
[Back on the hill a good distance away from the farm, Towser receives the response from Colonel with Lucy holding up his left ear]
It'd be the Colonel. The old boy himself! [chuckles] He wants the message.
You'd better make it loud and clear or he'll never get it.
T Towser
[barks the message about the fifteen stolen puppies]
One long howl, two short. One yip and a woof.
Sergeant Tibbs Two yips, sir.
What's the word, Colonel?
Sergeant Tibbs It must be important.
The Colonel: Yes, I'll get the rest of it. Ahem! [barks some more]
[Barking in the distance]
Sounds like a number. Three fives are 13.
Sergeant Tibbs Um, ah, that's 15, sir.
15? Of course 15! [more barking] Yes, dot, spot, spot, spotted puddings...poodles...No, no, puddles.
15 spotted puddles stolen, oh, balderdash!
Sergeant Tibbs Better double-check it, Colonel.
Hmm? Oh, yes, yes, I suppose I better. [barks, then barking in the distance in response] Two woofs, one yip and a woof.
Sergeant Tibbs It sounds like puppies, sir.
Sergeant Tibbs Colonel, Colonel, sir, I just remembered. Two nights past, I heard puppy barking at Hell Hall.
You mean the old De Vil place? Nonsense, Tibbs! No one's lived there for years.
Hold on! There's smoke coming from the chimney!
By Jove, that's strange... strange indeed. I suppose we'd better investigate. I'll send word for ol' Towser to stand by. [barking]
T Towser
[receives the last message from the Colonel]
Please... stand... by.
T Towser
I don't know. Oh... maybe the ol' boy's found something!
[By now, Colonel and Sergeant Tibbs arrive at the gates to Hell Hall. Colonel peers through the iron bars of the gates]
They say the ol' place is haunted, or bewitched, or some such fiddle-faddle.
Sergeant Tibbs Fiddle-faddle and rot, sir. [looks at the exterior of Hell Hall]
Just the same, Sergeant, use extreme caution. No telling what sort of hocus pocus you might run in to. Well, blast it all, Tibbs! On the double, man! On the double!
Sergeant Tibbs [salutes Colonel]
Yes, sir. Righto, sir. Right away, sir. [leaps off Colonel's back and scampers up a tree branch, finally reaches the windowsill, which crumbles in some parts, wipes his paw on the glass to get a good visual of the hall, sees a large, dark, gloomy foyer, complete with a tall, winding staircase, a plated armor statue with an axe in its hand, and a glowing crack through the wall, opens the window, giving off a creaking sound, then lands on the floor and makes it to the crack, checks if the coast is clear and squeezes himself inside the living room, where he comes upon a yawning dalmatian puppy without a collar] Psst! Rover! Spotty!
ST Sergeant Tips
Are you one of the 15 stolen puppies?
We're not stolen. We're bought and paid for. There's 99 of us all together.
ST Sergeant Tips
99?! [sees a vast sea of dalmatian puppies sleeping across the living room floor]
S Spotty
How 'bout that bunch of little ones? They have names and collars. They're not from the pet shops.
ST Sergeant Tips
15 of them?
We never counted them. They're over there by the TV.
Sergeant Tibbs [the 15 dalmatian puppies that were stolen are watching the Silly Symphony short, "Springtime", on TV] [creeps over to the couch to count the puppies]
Then, I'd better count 'em.
S Spotty
Watch out for the Baduns.
Sergeant Tibbs Baduns?
Those two blokes, Horace and Jasper. They're mean ones, they are.
[They're seen without their coats on, Horace helps himself to a pair of sandwiches, and Jasper guzzles down on some wine. As Tibbs climbs on a box behind the couch to count the fifteen puppies, Lucky ducks his head down as the center flower dances up close to the screen]
Ey, look, Horace! Watch me pot 'Is Lordship smack on the conk! [throws a dart that lands on a dartboard, laughs evilly] How's that for callin' 'em, eh? [laughs evilly, swats Horace in the belly, and Horace irritatedly looks at him]
ST Sergeant Tips
[counting]
1... 2... 3, 4, 5, 6...
Hey, Jasper! [impolitely eats with his mouth full of food] Come on now. Give us a swig, just a short one.
Now, Horace, this here hogwash ain't fit for a fancy bloke like yourself. Besides, you'd get crumbs in it, you cabbage head! [sets the wine bottle down next to Tibbs]
All right. Guzzle the whole works, and I hope it gives you collywobbles, that's what. [take his first bite and notices his toppings are gone] Hey, Jasper, did you...
[rudely ignores his brother and dumps a bunch of cigar ashes on the bread slices]
ST Sergeant Tips
[counting]
Let me see... 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11...
[angrily pushes Lucky down from the TV set]
Hey! Get down, you little runt, and stay down!
[angrily barks at Horace for messing with his brother]
[angrily threatens Patch]
Go on! Get out of here, or I'll... I'll black your other peeper.
Sergeant Tibbs Where was I? 9... 9... three more. 12 and... 1, 2, 3. That's 15! They're the ones!
[accidentally grabs Sergeant Tibbs and drinks him which causes him to screech in alarm and run off with fright, sputtering with cat germs and gets it off his tongue]
Blimey! What the... [notices Tibbs bounding away as the puppies bark in surprise] Hey, Horace, look what we got! A tabby cat!
Sergeant Tibbs [bounds across a grand piano, knocking down the support arm for the cover, which squashes Horace inside the piano]
PT Patch, Two-Tone, Lucky, Dipstick, Jewel, Fidget and Whizzer
[continue barking]
[armed with a bunch of darts in his hands, laughs evilly]
How'd you like a tabby cat stew? [violently throws the darts to kill Tibbs squirming against the wall and cruelly raises an empty wine bottle to aim at Tibbs running away from the living room] Or a cat casserole? [laughs evilly] A la MODE! [angrily throws the wine bottle at Tibbs, but misses him as Tibbs squeezes back through the crack and The wine bottle shatters in pieces]
[Meanwhile, back at Smedley Farm, Sgt. Tibbs, and Colonel sit outside on a horse-drawn wagon as theywait patiently and perk up their ears for the barking chain] [sticks his head out to ask his superior a question]
Any news, Colonel?
Not a blasted thing. They're lost or captured, or something, or other. Who knows what.
Sergeant Tibbs [sees Cruella's car driving down the road]
Colonel, sir, Colonel! Here she comes a car.
Oh, come now, Tibs. Don't be ridiculous. They wouldn't be driving.
Sergeant Tibbs Yes, I know, sir. But it's heading for Hell Hall. It... It's stopping at the gate!
It is? Blast it all, Tibbs! Better see what's up. On the double, man. On the double!
Sergeant Tibbs Yes, sir. [jumps on Colonel's back as they head for the de Vil mansion]
[respectfully wishes Colonel and Tips a good luck]
Righto, sir.
Q Quizmaster
I'm sorry, Mr. Simpkins. The answer is no. No, no, no, no. Six down, four to go.
IG Inspector Graves
Ah, was this a single item or a number of things?
Q Quizmaster
[Horace plugs his ears, and Jasper raises the volume on the TV set]
It must be a yes or no question, Inspector.
[An angry Cruella de Vil catches Jasper and Horace watching television]
I've got no time to argue. I tell you it's got to be done tonight. [turns off the TV] Do you understand?! Tonight!
But they ain't big enough.
You couldn't get half a dozen coats out of the whole kaboodle.
Sergeant Tibbs [spying]
Dog-skin Coats?! Dog-skin coats?!
Then we'll settle for half a dozen! We can't wait! The police are everywhere. I want the job done tonight!
Any way you like. Poison them, drown them, bash them in the head! You got any chloroform?
[violently bonks Horace on the head with his wine-bottle]
"Eye-ther"!
I don't care how you kill the little beasts, but DO IT! AND DO IT NOW!
Aw, please, miss. Now have pity, will ya? Can't we see the rest of the show first?
We want to see "What's My Crime?"
[Jasper he starts to drink from his bottle, but throw Cruella de Vil furiously snatches it and angrily she throws it into the fireplace, an explosion. The puppies hide behind the furniture in fear.] [She angrily hits Jasper and Horace's slaps faces]
Now listen, you idiots! I'll be back first thing in the morning! And the job better be done and I'll... I'll... I'll call the police!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!! [She slams the door closes behind her in a fit of rage; the slam causes a chunk of the ceiling to come loose and fall on Horace's head]
I think she means it, Jasper.
Ah...we'll get on with it as soon as the show's over. [turns the TV back on]
Q Quizmaster
Will you please sign in, sir?
Sergeant Tibbs [A contestant signs his name on a chalkboard on the screen, just as Sgt. Tibbs meets up with the puppies]
Hey, kids. You'd better get out of here if you want to save your skins.
DP Dalmatian Puppy 1
But, how?
Sergeant Tibbs Shh. There's a hole in the wall there by the door. [points to the hole in the wall right by the door] C'mon, shake a leg. Psst. Kids, follow me.
[laughing]
Hey, Jasper, look! Ha-ha-ha-ha. It's old Meathead!
Yeah, what do you know: Old Meathead Fauncewater!
Sergeant Tibbs C'mon, now. Don't crowd. One at a time! One at a time!
Q Quizmaster
Now, for our last contestant this evening, panel, meet Mr. Percival Fauncewater. Now, Mr. Fauncewater, if the panel fails to guess your unusual crime in ten questions, you will receive two weeks vacation at a fashionable seaside resort, all expenses paid. That is, of course, after you've paid your debt to society.
Q Quizmaster
[Mr. Fauncewater sits in his chair next to the Quizmaster. Mr. Fauncewater's smile droops. He looks at his guard, who sternly shifts his eye at him]
Now, um, who will take the first question? Inspector?
IG Inspector Graves
Ah, Mr. Fauncewater, could your crime be classified as larceny? A theft, you know? A burglary of some sort?
Sergeant Tibbs [orders the puppies to line up against the wall, as more puppies sneak past the Baduns and meet up with the others, whispering]
Straighten out! Form a queue along the wall. C'mon, snap it up. Faster!
Q Quizmaster
Mr. Fauncewater is a burglar by trade, but in this case, his crime was not burglary. I'm sorry: The answer is no. One down, nine to go. Miss Birdwell?
B Miss Birdwell
If your crime wasn't robbery, wherein did you... Oh, dear, what I mean is... Do something of a violent nature, that it is..
Q Quizmaster
Oh, come, come, come, Miss Birdwell, we're running short of time.
B Miss Birdwell
Oh, yes, of course. So sorry. Did you do someone in?
Sergeant Tibbs Oh, blimey! [sees Lucky watching the game show with interest]
Q Quizmaster
Oh, no, Miss Birdwell, I'm sorry. The answer is no. Two down, eight to go. Mr. Simpkins?
S Mr. Simpkins
Oh, yes. Your crime was not robbery and not homicide. Well then, could it be a violation of a city ordinance of some sort?
Sergeant Tibbs Psst. Hey, kid, let's go. [tries grabbing Lucky's tail, but Lucky leans up to get a closer view of the screen, where Mr. Fauncewater whispers something into the Host's ear]
Q Quizmaster
I see. Uh, uh, no. The answer is no, no, no.
Hey, get out of the way, you little runt! [roughly hands Lucky to Jasper who angrily tosses him aside]
Q Quizmaster
Three down, seven to go. Inspector?
IG Inspector Graves
Oh, this is very confusing, I must say, strictly. Surely, this crime could...
Q Quizmaster
[Sgt. Tibbs catches Lucky like a forward pass, until he steps on a series of wine bottles and soup cans, which they are forced to barrel roll on. Rolly sees them coming. Sgt. Tibbs trips, tossing Lucky into the air and through the hole. Sgt. Tibbs slides to a stop by Rolly, just as the timer buzzes off, ending the game show]
I'm terribly sorry. I'm afraid we've run out of time.
[annoyed]
Aw, now, ain't that always the way!
Q Quizmaster
Would it be possible for Mr. Fauncewater to come back next week? Then, we could finish our little game. Goodnight, audience. See you next week at the same time on "What's My Crime?"
[Rolly goes through the hole] [yawning as he and Horace put on their coats]
Oh, well. C'mon, Horace. Let's get on with it. [evilly grabs a fire poker] I'll pop 'em off, you do the skinnin'.
Oh, no, you don't, Jasper! [evilly pulls off a chair leg and uses it as a club] I'll pop 'em off and you do the skinnin'.
[notices all the captured puppies are gone]
Hey, Horace, look! They're gone! They flew the coop, right out through this little hole. [pulls out a flashlight] Here, grab a torch. We'll run 'em down before you can say "Bob's your uncle".
[They leave the living room and enter the foyer, searching the area with their flashlights. As the puppies run upstairs, Rolly trips on a step and sees the two goons]
There they go, Horace, up the stairs. [creepily calls for Rolly's attention] Here, puppies. Here, puppies! C'mon. Now, don't go hiding from your ol' Uncle Jasper. Aw, I ain't gonna hurt ya.
But, I thought we was gonna pop 'em off.
[puts his hand in Horace's mouth to shut him up]
Shut up. Now, take a squint in there, and I'll check these other two rooms.
[Horace goes to explore one of the bedroom while Jasper enters another one and starts searching for them]
Here, puppies. Puppies, come on out. Come out wherever you are. [looks under the bed and is startled by Sgt. Tibbs]
Sergeant Tibbs [leaps on Jasper's face]
Horace! [gets plowed over by the puppies] Oh! It's that mangy tabby cat! He's the ringleader! Head 'em off, Horace! Head 'em...
[Horace angrily collides into Jasper, as they both go tumbling down the stairs] [ticked off]
You bungling blockhead! [angrily punches Horace on the head]
Sergeant Tibbs [leads the puppies downstairs and right under the stairwell to hide from the crooks, who are catching right up with them]
Back here! Back here! Shh. Here they come.
[Horace and Jasper come down the stairs] [grumbles angrily]
Double-crossin' little twerps, pullin 'a snitch on us, and after we took care of 'em all this time. There's gratitude for you.
[gallops down the stairs, takes one look at the goons, just as Sgt. Tibbs grabs Rolly by the tail, causing Rolly to yip]
[points to puppies]
Hey, Horace, there they go!
[Tibbs and the puppies are forced to make a break for it back the way they came, just as Colonel sees them running from the Baduns through a window]
Sergeant? I say, Sergeant.
Sergeant Tibbs [respectfully tries to explain]
Sorry, sir. No time to explain. Busy, sir!
[Colonel leaves the window and comes to another window to see the puppies and Tibbs run back to the living room, where Horace and Jasper evilly trap them]
Shut that door, Horace! We'll close in on 'em. Enough of this "Ring Around the Rosy".
[Meanwhile, Perdita and Pongo come to a pair of crossroads] [concerned]
Oh, Pongo, Pongo, I'm afraid we're lost.
It can't be far. [barks loudly to get the Colonel's attention]
[hears Pongo's barking in the distance]
By Jove! It can't be the Pongos. [gallops and barks in response, until he slips on a frozen pond and into a snowbank, where he continues barking]
[listens to Colonel's barking]
It's the Colonel. Come on, this way.
[They hustle over to Hell Hall where Colonel is]
Colonel? Are you the Colonel?
Oh, Pingo! Uh... Uh... Pongo?
Our puppies! Our puppies, are they all right?
No time to explain. There's trouble. A big hullabaloo. Come along! Follow me!
[Pongo and Perdita rush to the rescue, as Colonel runs. Tibbs and the puppies cower from the two men] [cackling wickedly]
Ah, ha-ha-ha! Now, we’ve got ‘em, Horace. They‘ve run out of room! [Pongo and Perdita suddenly crashes in, snarling] Hey, what have we got here?! A couple of spotted hyenas?! C’mon, Horace, old pal! [they both start attacking] Give ‘em what for! I’m right behind ya, lad!
[accidentally hits Jasper]
Oof! Oh, you clumsy clod! [angrily kicks Horace]
Hey, Jasper! I’ll knock the spots off you! Let go! Let go!
[Perdita bites Horace's pant leg. Jasper swings a chair and Pongo jumps on him]
Well, by George!
[A puppy barks. Jasper scowls and the puppy scampers off] [violently kicks Pongo against the wall]
You mangy mongrel!
[shakes his head dizzily]
I’ll knock your blinkin' block off! [smashes the wall with his crowbar]
[angrily bites Jasper's rear end]
[looks through a hole in the door]
Blast ‘em, Tibbs. Go on, give ‘em what for.
Sergeant Tibbs No, no, Colonel! Retreat, retreat!
Yes. Oh, yes, of course. Retreat! Retreat, on the double!
[The puppies follow Sergeant Tibbs and the Colonel to the front door. Perdita attacks Horace, while Pongo attacks Jasper.]
Help, Jasper, Jasper! Get me out of here!
Hey, Horace, they’re fighting dirty!
Oh, oh, oh! [falls in the fireplace] Oh, oh, oh! [hits his head in the fireplace and bolts away, as he puts out the flames on the seat of his pants] JASPER!
[With his pants on fire, Horace knocks Jasper against a wall. It cracks and the ceiling collapses on them]
C’mon, Perdy. Let’s go.
[The two dogs follow the paw prints in the snow. Horace and Jasper go outside] [angrily shakes his fist]
I’ll skin every one of them little spotted hyenas, if it’s the last thing I do!
[At the same time, Pongo and Perdita run inside the barn, where they reunite with their puppies]
Dad! Mother!
[relieved]
Oh, my darlings... my darlings!
[laughing]
Lucky, Patch, Pepper! Freckles!
D Dipstick
[Tibbs sighs lovingly on Colonel's head]
Oh, Daddy!
And Rolly, you little rascal!
"Did you bring me anything to eat?"
Twice that many, Dad. Now there's 99 of us!
[stunned]
"What? 99...?" [sees the 84 extra dalmatian puppies sitting on the hay bales] Where did they all come from?
[stunned]
What on earth would she want with so many?
DP Dalmatian Puppy 4
She's gonna make coats out of us.
Sergeant Tibbs [seriously]
That's right: Dog-skin coats.
[doubtful]
Oh, dog-skin coats! Oh, come now, Tibbs!
Sergeant Tibbs [truthfully]
But it's true, sir.
Horace and Jasper were gonna pop us off and... skin us!
"She's a devil, a witch! What'll we do?"
We have to get back to London somehow.
What about the others? What'll they do?
[The 84 Dalmatian puppies sit there on the hay bales, wondering about their fate, until Pongo makes his decision] [judiciously]
"Perdy, we'll take them home with us; all of them. Our pets would never turn them out."
[snorting]
Colonel, sir, lights on the road. It's a truck headin' this way. [sees the Baduns driving their truck down the road as their follow their tracks]
Sergeant Tibbs It's the Baduns, Horace and Jasper. They're following our tracks.
"Well, we've got 'em out numbered, Tibs. When I give the signal, we'll attack.
Sergeant Tibbs "Colonel, sir, I'm afraid that would be disastrous."
"Ahem! Oh, you think so?"
He's right, Colonel. We'd better run for it.
Sergeant Tibbs Out the back way, across the pasture.
Thank you, Sergeant, Colonel, Captain.
How can we ever repay you?
Ahem! Nothing at all. All in the line of duty.
Sergeant Tibbs That's right, sir... routine.
Better be off. Here they come.
[The Baduns park their truck outside and begin to enter the barn]
C'mon, kids, hurry. [leads the puppies out the barn and across the pasture]
Sergeant Tibbs "Good luck, Pongos.
Yes, good luck, and never fear! We'll hold them off 'til the bitter end!
[neighs for Colonel's attention as he hustles on the spot]
[appears and barks at Jasper and Horace]
Now, what's this? Hey, out of my way, you barkin' haystack, or I'll knock your blinkin' block off!
[sees the Baduns and leaves, following the Dalmatian puppies behind, just as Horace and Jasper come in, armed with their flashlights and weapons, cornering Colonel by the hay]
Well, they ain't in here, Jasper.
No. They're hiding in the hay. Here, give me a match. We'll burn 'em out.
Sergeant Tibbs [As Horace hands his brother the match, Sgt. Tibbs grabs onto Captain's ears and prepares to use him as a cannon]
Ready, Captain. Aim... Fire one! [pulls down Captain's ear, letting him kick Jasper in the butt and into the barn roof, surprising Colonel] Fire two! [fires Captain's leg, kicking Horace in the butt and right into the barn roof where Jasper is]
Hey! There they go, the little sneaks! C'mon, Horace, back to the truck. We'll head 'em off in half a mile. [rush back outside, where Jasper rides up in the truck and lets his brother get on, drive down the country road and stop at a bridge, where they shine their flashlights on a frozen creek] Ah, they gotta be around here somewhere.
[The Dalmatians are hiding under the bridge from the two goons. Rolly, on the other hand, has little room as he squirms around between two of his siblings]
Jasper, I've been thinkin'.
[shines his flashlight on the creek, just as Rolly bursts out from the formation and near the flashlight]
Well, what if they went down the froze-up creek so's not to leave their tracks?
[meanly yanks Horace back in his car seat]
Aw, Horace, you idiot! Dogs ain't that smart. [starts up the truck and drives off into the distance]
[watches them leave and then turns to Perdita and the puppies]
All clear, Perdy. All clear.
W Whizzer
We gave 'em the slip! [slips on the ice in front of Pongo] Didn't we, Dad?
They didn't even see us, Patch!
Shh, children. Children, shh.
[As the puppies continue walking, some of the other puppies form a dalmatian chain by clinging onto Perdita's tail and then each other's tail with their mouths. The next puppy tries to cling onto the other one's tail, but he or she trips over and bumps into Rolly, as they both slide on the ice] [tries catching up to them, but his feet slip on the ice]
My feet are slippery. I wish we could walk on the snow.
[picks up Lucky with his mouth]
No, son, we can't leave tracks. [follows the dalmatians behind with Lucky in his teeth. His hind legs slip on the ice, then he stands back up and resumes following them]
