The Colonel By Jove, yes! So, it is. Well, she what you want.
Played by J. Pat O'Malley 
One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961) · 46 quotes
One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961) · 46 quotes
Tied for 8th most-quoted character in One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961): in 5 of its 46 quotes
Most scenes with: Sergeant Tibbs (4), Jasper Badun (3), Pongo (2)
Scenes with The Colonel
5 scenes The Colonel [By now, the Twilight Bark reaches the countryside, as each farm dog passes it onto the next dog traveling on a canal barge. On a hill, Towser, an old bloodhound, receives the message barking and howling] [waddles up to him]
Towser, what's going on? What is it? What's all the gossip?
Towser
Taint no gossip, Lucy. It be all the way from London.
You don't say!
Towser
15 puppies stolen.
But there's no puppies around here. Not since Nellie's last litter. And they're all grown up.
Towser
Well, then, we'd best send the word along. It be up to me to reach the Colonel! He be the only one in barking range.
You'll never reach him at this hour!
Towser
Well, I can try! I'll bark all night if I have to. Ahem! [barks loudly, reaching an old farm establishment, where a gate with a sign above reads "Lancers: H.M. Forces Ret.: Maj. General S.F. Smedley: The 9th Queen's Royal Lancers". A grey farm horse named Captain opens the stall door]
[neighing lowly]
Hmm-hmm-hmm. Hmm... sounds like old Towser. It's an alert. Sergeant! [peaks louder to wake up Sergeant Tibbs, a tabby cat sleeping on his back] Sergeant Tibbs! I SAY, SERGEANT! [neighs loudly to wake up Tibbs]
Barking signal. It's an alert. Report to the Colonel at once.
[respectfully salutes Captain]
Yes, sir. Righto, sir. Right away, sir! [hops off Captain's back and scurries along the barn rafters to find Colonel. He reaches an empty barn stall with plenty of hay scattered on the floor and looks for Colonel] Colonel? I say, Colonel! Colonel, sir? Colonel? [yelps as Colonel wakes up] Colonel?!
The Colonel What? What? Who goes there?
Sergeant Tibbs reporting, sir.
The Colonel Tibbs? Tibbs? Oh, yes, Sergeant Tibbs!
Colonel, sir-
The Colonel Now, look here, Tibbs. What's the idea of barging in at this hour of the night?
But, Colonel...
The Colonel Hold on, Sergeant. You hear that? Sounds like an alert.
Yes, Colonel.
The Colonel Well, we'd better look into it. Come along, on the double!
Yes, sir. Righto, sir. [follows Colonel to the stall next to Captain's stall, just as Captain himself hears the last of the message]
It's old Towser down at Withermarsh, sir.
The Colonel By Jove, yes! So it is. Well, I'll see what he wants. Ahem! [barking]
Towser
[Back on the hill a good distance away from the farm, Towser receives the response from Colonel with Lucy holding up his left ear]
It'd be the Colonel. The old boy himself! [chuckles] He wants the message.
You'd better make it loud and clear or he'll never get it.
Towser
[barks the message about the fifteen stolen puppies]
The Colonel One long howl, two short. One yip and a woof.
Two yips, sir.
What's the word, Colonel?
The Colonel It's from London.
It must be important.
The Colonel: Yes, I'll get the rest of it. Ahem! [barks some more]
The Colonel [Barking in the distance]
Sounds like a number. Three fives are 13.
Um, ah, that's 15, sir.
The Colonel 15? Of course 15! [more barking] Yes, dot, spot, spot, spotted puddings...poodles...No, no, puddles.
Puddles, sir?
The Colonel 15 spotted puddles stolen, oh, balderdash!
Better double-check it, Colonel.
The Colonel Hmm? Oh, yes, yes, I suppose I better. [barks, then barking in the distance in response] Two woofs, one yip and a woof.
It sounds like puppies, sir.
The Colonel Of course, puppies!
Colonel, Colonel, sir, I just remembered. Two nights past, I heard puppy barking at Hell Hall.
The Colonel You mean the old De Vil place? Nonsense, Tibbs! No one's lived there for years.
Hold on! There's smoke coming from the chimney!
The Colonel By Jove, that's strange... strange indeed. I suppose we'd better investigate. I'll send word for ol' Towser to stand by. [barking]
Towser
[receives the last message from the Colonel]
Please... stand... by.
What's he mean by that?
Towser
I don't know. Oh... maybe the ol' boy's found something!
Oh, I do hope so!
The Colonel [By now, Colonel and Sergeant Tibbs arrive at the gates to Hell Hall. Colonel peers through the iron bars of the gates]
They say the ol' place is haunted, or bewitched, or some such fiddle-faddle.
Fiddle-faddle and rot, sir. [looks at the exterior of Hell Hall]
The Colonel Just the same, Sergeant, use extreme caution. No telling what sort of hocus pocus you might run in to. Well, blast it all, Tibbs! On the double, man! On the double!
[salutes Colonel]
Yes, sir. Righto, sir. Right away, sir. [leaps off Colonel's back and scampers up a tree branch, finally reaches the windowsill, which crumbles in some parts, wipes his paw on the glass to get a good visual of the hall, sees a large, dark, gloomy foyer, complete with a tall, winding staircase, a plated armor statue with an axe in its hand, and a glowing crack through the wall, opens the window, giving off a creaking sound, then lands on the floor and makes it to the crack, checks if the coast is clear and squeezes himself inside the living room, where he comes upon a yawning dalmatian puppy without a collar] Psst! Rover! Spotty!
Hmm, what?
Sergeant Tips
Are you one of the 15 stolen puppies?
We're not stolen. We're bought and paid for. There's 99 of us all together.
Sergeant Tips
99?! [sees a vast sea of dalmatian puppies sleeping across the living room floor]
Spotty
How 'bout that bunch of little ones? They have names and collars. They're not from the pet shops.
Sergeant Tips
15 of them?
We never counted them. They're over there by the TV.
[the 15 dalmatian puppies that were stolen are watching the Silly Symphony short, "Springtime", on TV] [creeps over to the couch to count the puppies]
Then, I'd better count 'em.
Spotty
Watch out for the Baduns.
Baduns?
Those two blokes, Horace and Jasper. They're mean ones, they are.
[They're seen without their coats on, Horace helps himself to a pair of sandwiches, and Jasper guzzles down on some wine. As Tibbs climbs on a box behind the couch to count the fifteen puppies, Lucky ducks his head down as the center flower dances up close to the screen]
Ey, look, Horace! Watch me pot 'Is Lordship smack on the conk! [throws a dart that lands on a dartboard, laughs evilly] How's that for callin' 'em, eh? [laughs evilly, swats Horace in the belly, and Horace irritatedly looks at him]
Sergeant Tips
[counting]
1... 2... 3, 4, 5, 6...
Hey, Jasper! [impolitely eats with his mouth full of food] Come on now. Give us a swig, just a short one.
Now, Horace, this here hogwash ain't fit for a fancy bloke like yourself. Besides, you'd get crumbs in it, you cabbage head! [sets the wine bottle down next to Tibbs]
All right. Guzzle the whole works, and I hope it gives you collywobbles, that's what. [take his first bite and notices his toppings are gone] Hey, Jasper, did you...
[rudely ignores his brother and dumps a bunch of cigar ashes on the bread slices]
Sergeant Tips
[counting]
Let me see... 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11...
[angrily pushes Lucky down from the TV set]
Hey! Get down, you little runt, and stay down!
[angrily barks at Horace for messing with his brother]
[angrily threatens Patch]
Go on! Get out of here, or I'll... I'll black your other peeper.
Where was I? 9... 9... three more. 12 and... 1, 2, 3. That's 15! They're the ones!
[accidentally grabs Sergeant Tibbs and drinks him which causes him to screech in alarm and run off with fright, sputtering with cat germs and gets it off his tongue]
Blimey! What the... [notices Tibbs bounding away as the puppies bark in surprise] Hey, Horace, look what we got! A tabby cat!
[bounds across a grand piano, knocking down the support arm for the cover, which squashes Horace inside the piano]
Patch, Two-Tone, Lucky, Dipstick, Jewel, Fidget and Whizzer
[continue barking]
[armed with a bunch of darts in his hands, laughs evilly]
How'd you like a tabby cat stew? [violently throws the darts to kill Tibbs squirming against the wall and cruelly raises an empty wine bottle to aim at Tibbs running away from the living room] Or a cat casserole? [laughs evilly] A la MODE! [angrily throws the wine bottle at Tibbs, but misses him as Tibbs squeezes back through the crack and The wine bottle shatters in pieces]
[Meanwhile, Perdita and Pongo come to a pair of crossroads] [concerned]
Oh, Pongo, Pongo, I'm afraid we're lost.
It can't be far. [barks loudly to get the Colonel's attention]
The Colonel [hears Pongo's barking in the distance]
By Jove! It can't be the Pongos. [gallops and barks in response, until he slips on a frozen pond and into a snowbank, where he continues barking]
The Colonel Oh, Pingo! Uh... Uh... Pongo?
Our puppies! Our puppies, are they all right?
The Colonel No time to explain. There's trouble. A big hullabaloo. Come along! Follow me!
[Pongo and Perdita rush to the rescue, as Colonel runs. Tibbs and the puppies cower from the two men] [cackling wickedly]
Ah, ha-ha-ha! Now, we’ve got ‘em, Horace. They‘ve run out of room! [Pongo and Perdita suddenly crashes in, snarling] Hey, what have we got here?! A couple of spotted hyenas?! C’mon, Horace, old pal! [they both start attacking] Give ‘em what for! I’m right behind ya, lad!
[accidentally hits Jasper]
Oof! Oh, you clumsy clod! [angrily kicks Horace]
Hey, Jasper! I’ll knock the spots off you! Let go! Let go!
The Colonel [Perdita bites Horace's pant leg. Jasper swings a chair and Pongo jumps on him]
Well, by George!
[A puppy barks. Jasper scowls and the puppy scampers off] [violently kicks Pongo against the wall]
You mangy mongrel!
[shakes his head dizzily]
I’ll knock your blinkin' block off! [smashes the wall with his crowbar]
[angrily bites Jasper's rear end]
YEOW!!
The Colonel [looks through a hole in the door]
Blast ‘em, Tibbs. Go on, give ‘em what for.
No, no, Colonel! Retreat, retreat!
The Colonel Yes. Oh, yes, of course. Retreat! Retreat, on the double!
[The puppies follow Sergeant Tibbs and the Colonel to the front door. Perdita attacks Horace, while Pongo attacks Jasper.]
Help, Jasper, Jasper! Get me out of here!
Hey, Horace, they’re fighting dirty!
Oh, oh, oh! [falls in the fireplace] Oh, oh, oh! [hits his head in the fireplace and bolts away, as he puts out the flames on the seat of his pants] JASPER!
HORACE!
[With his pants on fire, Horace knocks Jasper against a wall. It cracks and the ceiling collapses on them]
C’mon, Perdy. Let’s go.
[The two dogs follow the paw prints in the snow. Horace and Jasper go outside] [angrily shakes his fist]
I’ll skin every one of them little spotted hyenas, if it’s the last thing I do!
[At the same time, Pongo and Perdita run inside the barn, where they reunite with their puppies]
Dad! Mother!
"I missed you, Mummy."
"Here we are, Mummy."
How'd you find us, Dad?
Dipstick
[Tibbs sighs lovingly on Colonel's head]
Oh, Daddy!
And Rolly, you little rascal!
"Did you bring me anything to eat?"
Everybody here? All 15?
Twice that many, Dad. Now there's 99 of us!
[stunned]
"What? 99...?" [sees the 84 extra dalmatian puppies sitting on the hay bales] Where did they all come from?
Dalmatian Puppy 4
She's gonna make coats out of us.
She couldn't!
The Colonel [doubtful]
Oh, dog-skin coats! Oh, come now, Tibbs!
Horace and Jasper were gonna pop us off and... skin us!
"She's a devil, a witch! What'll we do?"
We have to get back to London somehow.
What about the others? What'll they do?
[The 84 Dalmatian puppies sit there on the hay bales, wondering about their fate, until Pongo makes his decision] [judiciously]
"Perdy, we'll take them home with us; all of them. Our pets would never turn them out."
[snorting]
Colonel, sir, lights on the road. It's a truck headin' this way. [sees the Baduns driving their truck down the road as their follow their tracks]
It's the Baduns, Horace and Jasper. They're following our tracks.
The Colonel "Well, we've got 'em out numbered, Tibs. When I give the signal, we'll attack.
"Colonel, sir, I'm afraid that would be disastrous."
The Colonel "Ahem! Oh, you think so?"
He's right, Colonel. We'd better run for it.
Out the back way, across the pasture.
Thank you, Sergeant, Colonel, Captain.
Bless you all.
How can we ever repay you?
The Colonel Ahem! Nothing at all. All in the line of duty.
That's right, sir... routine.
Better be off. Here they come.
[The Baduns park their truck outside and begin to enter the barn]
C'mon, kids, hurry. [leads the puppies out the barn and across the pasture]
"Good luck, Pongos.
The Colonel Yes, good luck, and never fear! We'll hold them off 'til the bitter end!
[neighs for Colonel's attention as he hustles on the spot]
The Colonel [appears and barks at Jasper and Horace]
Now, what's this? Hey, out of my way, you barkin' haystack, or I'll knock your blinkin' block off!
[sees the Baduns and leaves, following the Dalmatian puppies behind, just as Horace and Jasper come in, armed with their flashlights and weapons, cornering Colonel by the hay]
Well, they ain't in here, Jasper.
No. They're hiding in the hay. Here, give me a match. We'll burn 'em out.
[As Horace hands his brother the match, Sgt. Tibbs grabs onto Captain's ears and prepares to use him as a cannon]
Ready, Captain. Aim... Fire one! [pulls down Captain's ear, letting him kick Jasper in the butt and into the barn roof, surprising Colonel] Fire two! [fires Captain's leg, kicking Horace in the butt and right into the barn roof where Jasper is]
Hey! There they go, the little sneaks! C'mon, Horace, back to the truck. We'll head 'em off in half a mile. [rush back outside, where Jasper rides up in the truck and lets his brother get on, drive down the country road and stop at a bridge, where they shine their flashlights on a frozen creek] Ah, they gotta be around here somewhere.
[The Dalmatians are hiding under the bridge from the two goons. Rolly, on the other hand, has little room as he squirms around between two of his siblings]
Jasper, I've been thinkin'.
Now, Horace.
[shines his flashlight on the creek, just as Rolly bursts out from the formation and near the flashlight]
Well, what if they went down the froze-up creek so's not to leave their tracks?
[meanly yanks Horace back in his car seat]
Aw, Horace, you idiot! Dogs ain't that smart. [starts up the truck and drives off into the distance]
Whizzer
We gave 'em the slip! [slips on the ice in front of Pongo] Didn't we, Dad?
They didn't even see us, Patch!
Shh, children. Children, shh.
[As the puppies continue walking, some of the other puppies form a dalmatian chain by clinging onto Perdita's tail and then each other's tail with their mouths. The next puppy tries to cling onto the other one's tail, but he or she trips over and bumps into Rolly, as they both slide on the ice] [tries catching up to them, but his feet slip on the ice]
My feet are slippery. I wish we could walk on the snow.
[picks up Lucky with his mouth]
No, son, we can't leave tracks. [follows the dalmatians behind with Lucky in his teeth. His hind legs slip on the ice, then he stands back up and resumes following them]
Other characters in One Hundred and One Dalmatians
Pongo
Rod Taylor
Cruella De Vil
Betty Lou Gerson
Jasper Badun
Perdita
Anita Radcliffe
Jasper
J. Pat O'Malley
Horace
Frederick Worlock
Sergeant Tibbs
David Frankham
Anita
Lisa Davis
Cadpig
Captain
Thurl Ravenscroft
Freckles
Mary Wickes
Lucky
Mimi Gibson
Patch
Mickey Maga
Penny
Sandra Abbott
Roger
Rolly
Barbara Beaird
Pepper
