Old School quotes

102 total quotes

Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell
Frank 'The Tank' Ricard
Garry, the Oral Sex Instructor
Mitch Martin
Multiple Characters

View Quote Frank: Jerry, are you a statistics major or something?
Jerry: Actually I am. Minoring in Hebrew science.
Frank: Well, I didn't know that. Because you didn't tell me. Now I look like a jackass.

View Quote Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers.

View Quote I'm so cold...I think I see Blue! He looks glorious.

View Quote He left me with a little something called herpes. Which I then gave to the dog. But that's neither here nor there.

View Quote When I get back I'm going to show you something I like to call crouching tiger, hidden penis. [takes a drink of the water] You know I really liked that movie, 'cause of all the flying and the magic.

View Quote Man at door: Hello.
Mitch: Yeah?
Man at door: I'm here for the gangbang...

View Quote Frank: Yea, I'm cool either way. I just have to run it by Marissa.
[Mitch and Beanie give him a weird look]
Frank: I'm messing with you guys.
Beanie: Not funny. Not funny. And now the baby is upset.

View Quote I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie? Touch my pa pa

View Quote What are you doing? You're like Romulus sucking on the tit of the Motherwolf. If you know your Greek mythology.

View Quote Frank here was staring at a white picket fence. Now he's single, he's broke, and has second degree burns all over his body. And I see a spark in his eye that I haven't seen in fifteen years.

View Quote Nicole: I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Mitch: Well, yes but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.

View Quote You can use a little teeth but we don't want to be a biter. Now ladies these carrots are not gonna ejaculate themselves. Get into it!

View Quote Mitch: [after catching Heidi with another man] Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi: Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?

View Quote Frank: I just wanna tell you guys thanks for being here. Best day ever.
Beanie: Frank, you need to walk away from this right now.

View Quote Mitch: I see Frank's dad made it out, I haven't seen him in like eight years.
Frank: I love you dad.