"Bingo! Right in the blowhole!
Rasputia
Eddie Murphy · 19 quotes
Norbit
Eddie Murphy · 15 quotes
Kate Thomas
Thandiwe Newton · 9 quotes
Mr. Wong
Eddie Murphy · 8 quotes
Most scenes together: Norbit & Rasputia (8), Norbit & Kate Thomas (3), Kate Thomas & Rasputia (2)
Norbit quotes
Page 1 of 3"Whale, ho!"
"What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here...
Deion Hughes [screaming]
THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music!
Pope Sweet Jesus Hold on...
Deion Hughes [cuts Pope off]
Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.
Preacher [The ceremony resumes]
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
I object!
Preacher [congregation gasps and murmurs] [frustrated]
Oh, for Christ sake!
Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy
[cheers]
Norbit!
Choir
[singing]
Norbit-t-t-t!
This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.
Norbit, what are you doing?
I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.
You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right! I love you, Kate! And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my whole entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your bitch!
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
"Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice!
Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit...
Who the hell are you?
Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate.
Nice to meet you!
Hello.
Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage.
Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?"
Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why?
Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of-
WHALE, HO!!
Did somebody just call me a whale?
Yeah! And a ho!
Narrator
But I never lost hope. I knew that someday I'd find another somebody to share my life with. All I had to do was just be patient.
One of the Bullies
'Cause we felt like it.
Both Bullies
What are you gonna do about it?
[The bullies pick on Norbit, by one of them simply shaking him on his side and the other beating him up. Suddenly, a 10-year-old Rasputia comes over and lifts the bullies up by the shirts] [to the bullies]
Leave him alone!
Both Bullies
Says who?
[Rasputia knocks the bullies' heads together and throws them off sideways]
Who are you?
Rasputia. What's your name?
Norbit.
"Norbit"? That's a stupid name.
Why'd you beat those boys up?
To protect you. You got a girlfriend, Nesbitt?
Uh, Norbit. No...
Well, you do now. Get your ass up and hold my hand.
Okay. [the source of Rasputia's catchphrase] How you doing?
If say Tuesday again, you ain't won't see Wednesday.
Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...?
Lloyd the Dog
Kill the bitch!
Excuse me? What'd you say?
Lloyd the Dog
You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice the bitch!
Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'.
Lloyd the Dog
She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING!
What is this, Norbit?
Mm-mm.
Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry.
[stomps foot]
RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the girl again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er.
[Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate]
How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit?
[Scared, Norbit nods his head]
Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here!
[Kate walks over to Norbit]
I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night?
Yeah, the construction permits.
No, that's not all.
I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Get outta here!
What?!
[Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate]
Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram!
The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit!
Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't!
Y y-- you don't care?
No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either!
The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad]
B b bu-- but last night--
Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA!
[Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation] Norbit: She is all the woman *I* need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?!
Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!!
IT NEVER HAPPENED!!
YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!!
Aagh!! [Rasputia suddenly turns back and runs towards Norbit]
Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning?
Where the hell YOU going?!
Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters.
Raging Waters?
[laughs when Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story on Deion, a corrupt goldigger/cheater]
Well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!
[to Kate]
Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!
Ex-Wife #1
[Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]
Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.
Children
Daddy!
Ex-Wife #2
Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!
Who is that ho?
Ex-Wife #3
Luther? he told me he was gay!
Deion Hughes No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.
Ex-Wife #1
[angry]
You dead, goldigger!
Deion Hughes [the wives and children are going towards him]
I'm out!
Pope Sweet Jesus Look's like the wedding's off, bro.
Lord Have Mercy Church!
Big Jack God Dammit, Norbit!
Oh, snap!
[After cutting the head of a duck, that Norbit had, and throws its head to Norbit]
Here. Play with that.