Dexter Broadhurst Now it don't look nice chewing gum in that suit!
I'm chewin' it in my mouth.
Played by Bud Abbott 
The Naughty Nineties (1945) · 9 quotes
The Naughty Nineties (1945) · 9 quotes
Tied for most-quoted character in The Naughty Nineties (1945): in 9 of its 9 quotes
Most scenes with: Sebastian Dinwiddle (9)
Scenes with Dexter Broadhurst
9 scenes Dexter Broadhurst Dexter Broadhurst Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.
Funny names?
Dexter Broadhurst Nicknames. Nicknames.
Not - not as funny as my name - Sebastian Dinwiddie.
Dexter Broadhurst Oh, yes, yes, yes!
Funnier than that?
Dexter Broadhurst Oh, absolutely. Yes. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...
That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.
Dexter Broadhurst I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...
You know the fellows' names?
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
Well, then, who's playin' first?
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
I mean the fellow's name on first base.
Dexter Broadhurst Who.
The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis.
Dexter Broadhurst Who.
The guy on first base.
Dexter Broadhurst Who is on first.
Well, what are you askin' me for?
Dexter Broadhurst I'm not asking you - I'm telling you. Who is on first.
I'm asking you who's on first!
Dexter Broadhurst That's the man's name!
That's whose name?
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
Note: the phrase "Who's on first" is ranked #91 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.
Well, go ahead and tell me!
Dexter Broadhurst Who.
The guy on first.
Dexter Broadhurst Who.
The first baseman.
Dexter Broadhurst Who is on first.
Have you got a first baseman on first?
Dexter Broadhurst Certainly.
Then who's playing first?
Dexter Broadhurst Absolutely.
When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Dexter Broadhurst Every dollar of it. And why not? The man's entitled to it.
Who is?
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
So who gets it?
Dexter Broadhurst Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Whose wife?
Dexter Broadhurst Yes. After all, the man earns it.
Who does?
Dexter Broadhurst Absolutely.
Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Dexter Broadhurst Oh, no, no, What is on second base.
I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst Who's on first.
That's what I'm trying to find out.
Dexter Broadhurst Well, don't change the players around.
I'm not changing nobody.
Dexter Broadhurst Now, take it easy.
What's the guy's name on first base?
Dexter Broadhurst What's the guy's name on second base.
I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst Who's on first.
I don't know.
Dexter Broadhurst He's on third. We're not talking about him.
How did I get on third base?
Dexter Broadhurst You mentioned his name.
If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Dexter Broadhurst No, who's playing first.
Stay offa first, will ya?
Dexter Broadhurst Well, what do you want me to do?
Now what's the guy's name on third base?
Dexter Broadhurst What's on second.
I'm not asking ya who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst Who's on first.
I don't know.
Dexter Broadhurst He's on third.
There I go, back on third again.
Dexter Broadhurst Well, I can't change their names.
Will you please stay on third base, Mr. Broadhurst.
Dexter Broadhurst Please. Now what is it you want to know?
What is the fellow's name on third base?
Dexter Broadhurst What is the fellow's name on second base.
I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst Who's on first.
I don't know.
Both
Third base!
You got a outfield?
Dexter Broadhurst Oh, sure.
St. Louis has got a good outfield?
Dexter Broadhurst Oh, absolutely.
The left fielder's name?
Dexter Broadhurst Why.
I don't know. I just thought I'd ask you.
Dexter Broadhurst Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Then tell me who's playing left field.
Dexter Broadhurst Who is playing first.
Stay out of the infield!
Dexter Broadhurst Don't mention their names out there.
I want to know what's the fellow's name on left field.
Dexter Broadhurst What is on second.
I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst Who is on first.
I don't know.
Dexter Broadhurst Now take it easy, take it easy.
And the left fielder's name?
Dexter Broadhurst Why.
Because.
Dexter Broadhurst Oh, he's center field. Will you pick up your hat, please.
Center field.
Dexter Broadhurst Pick up your hat. And stop this - Now look, please.
Mr. Broadhurst.
Dexter Broadhurst Yes?
Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on the team?
Dexter Broadhurst Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?
I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.
Dexter Broadhurst Tomorrow.
You don't want to tell me today?
Dexter Broadhurst I'm telling you, man.
Then go ahead.
Dexter Broadhurst Tomorrow.
What time?
Dexter Broadhurst What time what?
What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Dexter Broadhurst Now listen, Who is not pitching, Who is on...
I'll break your arm if you say who's on first.
Dexter Broadhurst Then why come up here and ask?
I want to know what's the pitcher's name.
Dexter Broadhurst What's on second.
I don't know.
Both
Third base!
You gotta catcher?
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
The catcher's name?
Dexter Broadhurst Today.
Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Dexter Broadhurst Now you've got it.
That's all, St. Louis got a couple of days on their team. That's all.
Dexter Broadhurst Well, I can't help that. All right. What do you want me to do?
Gotta catcher?
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
I'm a good catcher, too, you know.
Dexter Broadhurst I know that.
I would like to play for the St. Louis team.
Dexter Broadhurst Well, I might arrange that.
I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good catcher, Tomorrow's pitching on the team, and I'm catching.
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
Now when he bunts the ball - me being a good catcher - I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Dexter Broadhurst Now, that's the first thing you've said right.
I don't even know what I'm talking about!
Dexter Broadhurst Well, that's all you have to do.
Is to throw it to first base.
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
Now who's got it?
Dexter Broadhurst Naturally.
Who has it?
Dexter Broadhurst Naturally.
Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst Naturally.
Okay.
Dexter Broadhurst Now you've got it.
I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst No, you don't, you throw the ball to first base.
Then who gets it?
Dexter Broadhurst Naturally.
Okay.
Dexter Broadhurst All right.
I throw the ball to Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst You don't. You throw it to Who.
Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst Well, that's it. Say it that way.
That's what I said.
Dexter Broadhurst You did not.
I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst You don't. You throw it to Who.
Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst Yes.
So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.
Dexter Broadhurst No. You throw the ball to first base.
Then who gets it?
Dexter Broadhurst Naturally.
That's what I'm saying.
Dexter Broadhurst You're not saying that.
Excuse me, folks.
Dexter Broadhurst It's all right. I'm sorry, folks.
I throw the ball to Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst You throw it to Who.
Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst Naturally. Well, say it that way.
That's what I'm saying.
Dexter Broadhurst Don't get excited. Now don't get excited.
I throw the ball to first base.
Dexter Broadhurst Then Who gets it.
He better get it.
Dexter Broadhurst That's it. All right, now don't get excited. Take it easy.
Hmmph.
Dexter Broadhurst Hmmph.
Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is drops the ball, so the guy runs to second.
Dexter Broadhurst Uh-huh.
Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - a triple play.
Dexter Broadhurst Yeah. It could be.
Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third, and I don't care.
Dexter Broadhurst What was that?
I said, I don't care.