The Naughty Nineties 1945 quotes

Dexter Broadhurst

Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Who has it?

Dexter Broadhurst

Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst

Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Okay.

Dexter Broadhurst

Now you've got it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst

No, you don't, you throw the ball to first base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Then who gets it?

Dexter Broadhurst

Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Okay.

Dexter Broadhurst

All right.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I throw the ball to Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst

You don't. You throw it to Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst

Well, that's it. Say it that way.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

That's what I said.

Dexter Broadhurst

You did not.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst

You don't. You throw it to Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.

Dexter Broadhurst

No. You throw the ball to first base.

Dexter Broadhurst

Now it don't look nice chewing gum in that suit!

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm chewin' it in my mouth.

Dexter Broadhurst

Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Funny names?

Dexter Broadhurst

Nicknames. Nicknames.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Not - not as funny as my name - Sebastian Dinwiddie.

Dexter Broadhurst

Oh, yes, yes, yes!

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Funnier than that?

Dexter Broadhurst

Oh, absolutely. Yes. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...

Sebastian Dinwiddle

That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.

Dexter Broadhurst

I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...

Sebastian Dinwiddle

You know the fellows' names?

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Well, then, who's playin' first?

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I mean the fellow's name on first base.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

The guy on first base.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who is on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Well, what are you askin' me for?

Dexter Broadhurst

I'm not asking you - I'm telling you. Who is on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm asking you who's on first!

Dexter Broadhurst

That's the man's name!

Sebastian Dinwiddle

That's whose name?

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.
Note: the phrase "Who's on first" is ranked #91 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

Dexter Broadhurst

Well, don't change the players around.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm not changing nobody.

Dexter Broadhurst

Now, take it easy.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

What's the guy's name on first base?

Dexter Broadhurst

What's the guy's name on second base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm not askin' ya who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who's on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I don't know.

Dexter Broadhurst

He's on third. We're not talking about him.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

How did I get on third base?

Dexter Broadhurst

You mentioned his name.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Dexter Broadhurst

No, who's playing first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Stay offa first, will ya?

Dexter Broadhurst

Well, what do you want me to do?

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Now what's the guy's name on third base?

Dexter Broadhurst

What's on second.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm not asking ya who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who's on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I don't know.

Dexter Broadhurst

He's on third.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

There I go, back on third again.

Dexter Broadhurst

Well, I can't change their names.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Will you please stay on third base, Mr. Broadhurst.

Dexter Broadhurst

Please. Now what is it you want to know?

Dexter Broadhurst

Why.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Because.

Dexter Broadhurst

Oh, he's center field. Will you pick up your hat, please.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Center field.

Dexter Broadhurst

Pick up your hat. And stop this - Now look, please.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Mr. Broadhurst.

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes?

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on the team?

Dexter Broadhurst

Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.

Dexter Broadhurst

Tomorrow.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

You don't want to tell me today?

Dexter Broadhurst

I'm telling you, man.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Then go ahead.

Dexter Broadhurst

Tomorrow.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

What time?

Dexter Broadhurst

What time what?

Sebastian Dinwiddle

What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

Dexter Broadhurst

Now listen, Who is not pitching, Who is on...

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'll break your arm if you say who's on first.

Dexter Broadhurst

Then why come up here and ask?

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I want to know what's the pitcher's name.

Dexter Broadhurst

What's on second.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I don't know.

Third base!

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Then who gets it?

Dexter Broadhurst

Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

That's what I'm saying.

Dexter Broadhurst

You're not saying that.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Excuse me, folks.

Dexter Broadhurst

It's all right. I'm sorry, folks.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I throw the ball to Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst

You throw it to Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst

Naturally. Well, say it that way.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

That's what I'm saying.

Dexter Broadhurst

Don't get excited. Now don't get excited.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I throw the ball to first base.

Dexter Broadhurst

Then Who gets it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

He better get it.

Dexter Broadhurst

That's it. All right, now don't get excited. Take it easy.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Hmmph.

Dexter Broadhurst

Hmmph.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is drops the ball, so the guy runs to second.

Dexter Broadhurst

Uh-huh.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - a triple play.

Dexter Broadhurst

Yeah. It could be.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third, and I don't care.

Dexter Broadhurst

What was that?

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I said, I don't care.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Well, go ahead and tell me!

Dexter Broadhurst

Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

The guy on first.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

The first baseman.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who is on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Have you got a first baseman on first?

Dexter Broadhurst

Certainly.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Then who's playing first?

Dexter Broadhurst

Absolutely.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Dexter Broadhurst

Every dollar of it. And why not? The man's entitled to it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Who is?

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

So who gets it?

Dexter Broadhurst

Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Whose wife?

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes. After all, the man earns it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Who does?

Dexter Broadhurst

Absolutely.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Dexter Broadhurst

Oh, no, no, What is on second base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm not asking you who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who's on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

That's what I'm trying to find out.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

What is the fellow's name on third base?

Dexter Broadhurst

What is the fellow's name on second base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm not askin' ya who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who's on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I don't know.

Third base!

Sebastian Dinwiddle

You got a outfield?

Dexter Broadhurst

Oh, sure.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

St. Louis has got a good outfield?

Dexter Broadhurst

Oh, absolutely.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

The left fielder's name?

Dexter Broadhurst

Why.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I don't know. I just thought I'd ask you.

Dexter Broadhurst

Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Then tell me who's playing left field.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who is playing first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Stay out of the infield!

Dexter Broadhurst

Don't mention their names out there.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I want to know what's the fellow's name on left field.

Dexter Broadhurst

What is on second.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm not asking you who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst

Who is on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I don't know.

Dexter Broadhurst

Now take it easy, take it easy.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

And the left fielder's name?

Sebastian Dinwiddle

You gotta catcher?

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

The catcher's name?

Dexter Broadhurst

Today.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.

Dexter Broadhurst

Now you've got it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

That's all, St. Louis got a couple of days on their team. That's all.

Dexter Broadhurst

Well, I can't help that. All right. What do you want me to do?

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Gotta catcher?

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I'm a good catcher, too, you know.

Dexter Broadhurst

I know that.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I would like to play for the St. Louis team.

Dexter Broadhurst

Well, I might arrange that.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good catcher, Tomorrow's pitching on the team, and I'm catching.

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Now when he bunts the ball - me being a good catcher - I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Dexter Broadhurst

Now, that's the first thing you've said right.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

I don't even know what I'm talking about!

Dexter Broadhurst

Well, that's all you have to do.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Is to throw it to first base.

Dexter Broadhurst

Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle

Now who's got it?