S Statler
[Miss Piggy runs past Statler and Waldorf]
Is breakfast over?
S Statler
Because I think the bacon just ran out.
[comes to the table]
The raspberry flap overs will be out in a moment.
R Robin
Hey, Uncle Kermit, what will you do now that you're on vacation?
Well, Robin, once I get those house painters started, l'm gonna kick back and relax.
Kermit? When will you fix the oven, okay?
[confused]
What's wrong with the oven? [An explosion is heard in the kitchen. Everyone on the table react to that sound.]
SC Swedish Chef
Yurski burski popovers kaboofed!
Yeah... I'll put it on the top of my list...
There is a menu correction, okay? We will now be serving bologna sandwiches. [everyone makes disappointed sounds. Swedish Chef says something to Pepe] But no bread. [Everyone makes a disgusted noise and leaves the table]
Clifford I'm already gone.
[Kermit sees Gonzo coming downstairs looking dejected]
Hey, Gonzo, aren't you performing at that Bar Mitzvah today?
Nah. Electric Mayhem's covering for me.
[concerned]
But, Gonzo, you never miss the chance to get shot out of a cannon. Something wrong?
No. [beat] It's just that I'm sick and tired of being a one-of-a-kind freak, that's all.
Gonzo, you are 'not a one-of-a-kind freak! You're a... [falters]
You see?! See what I mean? I don't even know where I came from, or who I am!
Clifford Yo, Kerm.
Clifford You weren't expecting some house painters, were you?
Clifford They're just driving away.
Clifford Animal bit one of them!
Oh no! [The car engine of the house painters truck starts] Wait, guys! Don't let them go! [turns to Gonzo] You know what I think you are, Gonzo?
Distinct. [turns to run to the door to try and stop the painters] Wait, guys! He didn't mean it! He's just a musician!
Musician! Musician! Musician! [Gonzo looks over at photos of the Muppets with their respective family members, before coming to photo of himself, alone]
[depressed]
Distinct, huh? More like extinct... [pours the alphabet cereal in the bowl, but spills a little bit on the table] Oops. [looks at the letters spinning around, then making the words, saying, "Watch The Sky"] "Watch the sky"? Hey! Hey! Rizzo, come here. I think my Kap'n Alphabet is sending me a message.
[While holding a plate with bologna]
I know what you mean. I had some guacamole and it's still taking to me.
No. No. Really. Look. Look. I'm not kidding. [looking at the letter cereals] It was there just a second ago. I swear, Rizzo. It said, "Watch the sky."
Are you sure it didn't say "You need help?"
Maybe you and your cereal would like to be alone. [takes the plate of ] Oh, hey! ♪ My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R...♪
[he pours the cereal the bowl with letters, then grabbing a telescope]
Cool. Huh? [he looks at the letters, then making the words, saying, "R U There"] "Are you there?" [calling out] RIZZOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Come on, Rizzo. Time to bet, okay.
All right, prawn cracker. I’ll see your Maryland crab cakes and I’ll raise you a 1958 cheddar cheese never been sniffed.
Clifford Can't be that.
[excited]
Hey, guys! The Cosmic Fish have spoken to me: I'M FROM OUTER SPAAAAAAAACE!
[not listening]
Yeah, yeah, that's great - Pepe, are you in or out?
You been tap-dancing on the barbecue?
No, no, Rizzo. I’m just fine.
MY CARDS! SOMEBODY GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER! NOT MY CARDS. Oh, no, no, no!
Gonzo, are you sure you’re okay?
Yeah, absolutely. But I have to respond. Gotta make contact.
Clifford Where’s he going with those keys?
Who cares? Flying saucer, maybe. Dos deuces. The prawn cracker wins.
Pair of twos! I swear I had four aces. I really did!
♪You got to know when to hold it...♪
♪Know when to fold it, Know when to walk...♪
No, no. You said you going to tell him, okay?
Pepe, will you listen to me, the Jacuzzi thing was your idea, and you have to tell him!
[beat]
Si, I will tell him, okay?
Here he comes. Hey, Gonzo!
I wasn't supposed to! You were!
No, you said you'd tell him.
I said, you! I meant you.
Hi, guys. I'm here. Just leave the tractor here in front, okay?
And that's the way it is. This is Miss Piggy saying good night, and have a great...
M Man
Hey! Where's my coffee?
Uh, uh... I'm... Coming! Coming! Coming! Coming.
M Man
Hey, Piggy, I'll take one.
W Woman
Shelley's stuck at the airport. She won't make it on time.
M Martin
Okay, I am not gonna panic. Who am I kidding? Yes, I am. No? No, I'm not. Okay, I'm panicking. Who can we possibly get at the last minute? Who?
W Woman
Stand by, everybody.
M Martin
Roll tape, please! And cue I.D.
W Woman
We're on in 5, 4, 3, 2...
Hey, look! It's Piggy's new show.
Oh, oh, oh. Um... Um... "Hello again. I'm Shelley Snipes." Mm. Uh... Uh... "Today on UFO Mania, flying saucers and their extraterrestrial pilots."
Wish I could find my pants.
Kermit, you should come to see this.
"I'm sure you've often wondered what might those alien creatures look like?"
People of Earth, do not be alarmed. My message will be brief. I am Gonzo.
M Man
I don't have a Gonzo.
There seems to be some mistake.
Clifford [Gonzo appears on TV]
Dang! You better get down there, Kerm.
Relax, no one is going anywhere, okay?
[on TV]
You see, I was contacted through my breakfast cereal, and it was confirmed by the Cosmic Fish that I am from outer space.
[to Kermit]
So, you wanna go now, or wait for the commercial?
...Now. [gets off the couch] come on.
Huh? I'm making contact. What are you doing?
I'm interviewing... I'm interviewing you!
Great! What would you like to know?
The whole tearful tale of your inner struggle, Gonzo.
Oh. I want my people to know I've received their messages, and my response is: "I am here."
I'm at 44 Bronson Lane, and I can't wait to meet you.
And I can't wait to meet you.
Me too. He's very charismatic, don't you think?
Freeze that! I want him here and I want him now.
So you're our fancy little landscaper.
W Woman
Rap it out. We're gonna take a break.
Oh, oh, oh. Yes. We are going to pause here, and we'll be right back with Gonzo the geek who fell to Earth with moi, Miss...
W Woman
And we're out. 90 seconds, folks.
M Martin
Now that is TV. The phones are lighting up like Vegas. What power, what heat. You're a hit!
M Martin
Gonzo, you've got it.
Sure wish we could find a cure for it.
M Martin
What the heck is going on here.
Listen, Gonzo, aren't you taking this alien thing a little too far?
Kermit, I realize that it may be hard for you to accept me as an alien, but I didn't choose to be one. Well, I've always had alien tendencies. This just makes sense to me.
M Martin
Beautiful, big G. I see a follow-up episode here.
Me, too. "The Alien in My Life." A Miss Piggy special report.
M Martin
What are you talking about? You're the coffee pig.
Kermit, he's such a joker.
We'll take this from here.
We're with the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Aliens. We feel your pain, Gonzo.
I got a paper cut that's a doozy. You feel my pain too?
Can you help me make contact with my alien tribe?
Well, somebody believes me. Come on, fellas. Take me to my leader.
I don't like the look of them. This rat smells a rat.
The limo's right this way.
Did he say limo? Wait a second, I'm his translator.
M Martin
Wait! You know this Gonzo, right?
Um, if the price is right.
Look. I deliver Gonzo's exclusive life story, okay? If you make moi your new anchorwoman.
W Woman
We're back in 15 seconds.
M Martin
Well, what about Shelley?
All right! Excuse me. Excuse me. Hey, studmuffin, hold it.
You'll deal with moi? Look, chumpo, I'm just trying to get a story, okay?
How about this story? It's about a big bad wolf and a little pig.
No, that's three pigs, okay?
Hey, wait a minute. You're not part of that alien-protection agency. Who are you? WHERE ARE YOU TAKING GONZO? Hey...
I'm impressed. Black belt, third degree.
Platinum belt, with an unlimited line of credit.
Tough guy. TOUGH GUY! Come on. Show me! Show me! Look! Cindy Crawford.
Where have you been all my life?
Is that all you got? IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?! Is that all you got? Is that all you got? NOT THE NOOGIE! MAMA!
