Duke [Watching as Frank Burns leaves]
Fair is fair, Henry. If I nail Hot Lips and punch Hawkeye, can I go home?
Played by Tom Skerritt 
MASH (1970) · 47 quotes
MASH (1970) · 47 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in MASH (1970): in 8 of its 47 quotes
Most scenes with: Hawkeye (5), Trapper John (5)
Oh, now damn it, Henry. Frank Burns is a menace! Every time a patient croaks on him, he says it's God's will or somebody else's fault.
More lines from Duke
2 quotes Duke Duke Take care of the squirrels.
Scenes with Duke
5 scenes Duke Well, listen, uh, where were you when you were drafted? I was just curious.
Back home. I told you before.
Duke No, I mean, what were you doing? Were you, like, a resident, or on staff someplace?
Mmm.
Duke Where?
Hospital.
Duke Which hospital?
Back home.
Duke [To Hawkeye]
Is there some reason I shouldn't know which hospital?
I don't know. I will ask. Is there some reason my friend should not know the name of the hospital?
[Trapper pops his gum and shrugs.]
There doesn't appear to be any reason. I've seen you somewhere before. I don't know your name, stranger, but your face is familiar. Have you always had that mustache?
Duke, did I ever tell you how Androscoggin College beat Dartmouth in a raging blizzard, six to nothing, because I intercepted a pass?
Duke Yeah, you told me.
They had this great passer, see? [Trapper John shrugs, smiling] And we held them nothing-nothing till the last 20 seconds, and then snow and all, he let one go. And it went sailing... boom!
Lucky your mouth wasn't open, it would have got stuck in your throat.
Oh, baby! How are you, Trapper John McIntyre?
I thought you'd never remember.
[Frank Burns leaps over the mess table and tackles Hawkeye]
Get him off me! I've got glasses. Get him off me!
Duke What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?
Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses, for God's sake!
Watch out for your goodies, Hawkeye. That man is a sex maniac. I don't think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye!
Duke [Gathered at Painless's suicide feast.]
Now then, y'all come here to say your final farewell to ol' Walt here.
Farewell Walt.
Duke Dear ol' Walt. You know, I got an idea that maybe it's not such a final farewell after all. I think maybe ol' Walt's going on into the unknown to do a little recon work for us all.
I just-- I just wanna say one thing. Uh, nobody ordered Walt to go on this mission. He volunteered for certain death.
Duke That's true.
That's what we award our highest medals for.
Duke That's beautiful.
That's what being a soldier is all about.
Oh yeah.
Capt. Bandini Here! Here!
Duke I'm kind of partial to blonde myself.
I knew it! I knew you had a-- had an attraction for Hot Lips Houlihan
Here! Here!
Duke Go to hell, Captain Pierce. You know I damn near puke every time I look at her. Besides she's-- I'll bet she's not a real blonde.
How dare you say that about an officer of the United States Army!
Duke I'll not only say it, but I'll back it with 20 bucks, How's that?
You have yourself a bet, sir. [To Trapper John] You're my witness.
I'll be your witness, but who's gonna be the poor schmuck who finds out?
