[opening lines]
You gotta do better than this for me, Abby.
Abby Greshler I'm an agent, Jerry. I'm not the amazing Randi.
I can kill. I know I can. I don't want anymore strip clubs, it's very hard to follow nipple tassels.
Abby Greshler Well, you gotta start somewhere.. look, at least no one threw up on you.
See to me, that doesn't make it a successful gig.
Abby Greshler Yeah, well its hard to sell a record act, Jerry. You're gonna have to actually start talking on stage. Can you MC? I mean, can you talk normal long enough to introduce other acts?
I can talk good anywhere... Except in front of people.
Abby Greshler You're a very funny kid, Jerry. You got a lot of potential. Wanna be an MC along with your act. I think I can book you at the Havana-Madrid, very respectable place.
Abby Greshler Only in the bathroom.
HW Hal Wallis
[While Jerry is screen testing to play Al in My Friend Irma] [after watching Jerry's test footage]
Well, we're all friends here, so lets speak frankly. Jerry, your not an actor.
D Director
I worked with him as much as I could, Hal. We shot nine tests. He just doesn't have it.
[offended]
Fellas, I'm here in the room with you.
HW Hal Wallis
Jerry, don't take this personally.
D Director
Jerry, this shows been on the radio for years. It has millions of fans. If someone who's not right plays Al, the audience will kill us.
HW Hal Wallis
Dean's great. He's very natural, he'll be perfect as Steve.
D Director
Here's what Hal is thinking. We're gonna write a part just for you. We'll call him Seymour, a really wacky sidekick to Dean. You can just be yourself and have fun. It'll be perfect.
[angrily]
You listen to me, Mr. Wallis. Jerry Lewis plays Al like it says in my contract.
HW Hal Wallis
You listen to me, Jerry Lewis. I don't give a damn what it says in your contract. You're not right for Al, you're not playing Al. That's it, that's all.
[angrily]
I'm not playing Seymour. I'm playing Al. I can do it.
HW Hal Wallis
You don't wanna play Seymour, Jerry. I'll tell you what, you sit this picture out. We'll go for Dean to play Steve, we'll get a real actor to play Al, and you? Well, you can go back to New York.
You can't do that! Dean and I are partners, we're a team. I don't like you, Hal Wallis.
HW Hal Wallis
Ahh, now you went and hurt my feelings. Abby, calm your client down.
Abby Greshler Jerry, Dean is not exclusive to you. There's nothing stopping Hal from offering him a picture outside the seven pictures as a team.
HW Hal Wallis
Listen, I got a dozen other cry babies in this lot I gotta take care of, so what's it gonna be?
[short pause]
Alright, you win this time, Mr. Wallis. [walks away]
HW Hal Wallis
Hey, kid. The money always wins.
