[at the Havana-Madrid]
And now...and now ladies and gentlemen, for your extreme listening pleasure, Mr. Dean Martin.
[Dean comes up on stage and sings "My Own, My Only, My All"]
3rd most-quoted character in Martin and Lewis (2002): in 20 of its 38 quotes
Most scenes with: Dean Martin (19), Jerry Lewis (18)
Scenes with Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis
20 scenes
Would you mind if I go back up on stage now?
I don't, but they mind.
Get outta here!
Okay folks, for my next number, I'm gonna sing the same song again. I'm gonna keep on singing it, till I get it right.
[sings]
We killed them, didn't we?
Oh yeah, kid. We killed them alright.
Didn't you feel it? I felt it. It was like a...like a jolt, like a lightning bolt. I didn't know what was gonna happen next, and I loved it.
You'd rather talk to Angelo about the dishes.
Hey if Angelo was smart, he'd put us together, don't you think?
I'm a solo act.
Well me too, but maybe you know, together we could....
I mean, I go solo.
Me neither.
Me too.
Oh why, is there one missing?
How come you make so many mistakes?
I got up early.
Ahh, get outta here!
[jokingly]
What the hell am I singing anyway? Everybody's drunk!
[begins singing "Oh Marie"]
[showing Jerry a room in his and Betty's new apartment]
This is gonna be my den. My old man used to say he was gonna have a den someday. Sit down, put his feet up, read the papers. Nobody can bother him. Couldn’t do enough haircuts in a day to get one, I guess. [short pause] What's the matter with you, pallie? You should be on top of the world.
Sure. Sure, I am. I'm happy.
Well notify your face, cause you sure don't look it.
You know what? All the great reviews, all the money, all the laughs and all I keep thinking about is my old man. "The crowd liked it."
Don't let it get to you.
My whole life, I always felt like my old man was looking the other way, like he didn't even know I was there. He taught me so much and he doesn't even know it. All those years in Vaudeville and Borscht Belt, he just kept coming up empty. Now me only after a couple years: boom! You know?
Don't feel guilty about it.
You think too much. All pretty easy if you make it that way.
Hey, you're always listening to Jerry Lewis sob stories. I hope you know, I'm always there for you too, Dean. You can always turn to me, tell me anything.
Yeah... Yeah, thanks, Jer...
Hey, did you read the script?
Ahh, what script?
"What script?" Unbelievable.
Oh, come on.
Well, I've read it. It's very funny, Dean. I want this deal. I want this part.
If you wear that on your sleeve, you're dead. My mother always told me "never let anyone know who you are".
Well, she must be very proud of you boy, I'll tell you that. My father had a saying too, "expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed". [driving into Paramount Pictures] You gotta learn the man's name we're in business with. He's a great producer, Hal Wallis.
Hey, I say, pallie. He turns around "what do you want from me?"
Anyway, the point is I'm cheating on my wife.
Look, Jerry, please don't tell me this is what you dragged me down here for. Go see a priest or a rabbi.
I woke up and I couldn't remember who I was with. What am I doing?
Look, you love Patti, right?
Right.
And she loves you, right?
Right.
So what's the problem?
It's wrong.
Wrong? For who? For you?
Don't you think it's wrong?
Jerry, all I know is what's right for me. I don't apologise and I don't explain.
My whole life I'm such a nebbish. Patti was the first person to look my way. And now, there are girls all over the place, and all I know is they want me and that's enough. I can't resist that.
[pause]
Jerry, your gonna be ninety years old one day, and your gonna look back on this conversation and say "what a schmuck I was to worry about this stuff".
Why is it so easy for you?
I don't know, maybe there's just something about women somebody owe her, especially someone you're not supposed to. What's she gonna feel like, how she looks like under those clothes.
Hello, hello. Here we are.
Happy to see us?
[the group of kids sit silently looking unamused]
Oh, look how they're screaming and yelling.
Hey, you want to tone it down a little?
Looks like a midget Nuremberg trial.
Nice of you to show up.
Not that you would've missed me.
Well, Dean, here we are at the famous Paramount Theatre in New York.
Oh, is that where we are?
That's where we are. Where else would we be?
Well, I don't know, I just woke up. Was wondering what all these people were doing in my bedroom.
[crowd laughs]
Anyway, Mr. Dean Martin whose talent is exceeded only by his alimony, will now sing for you. [puts on a joke face] He wanted me to pay half, but I had none of the fun.
[Jerry is lying in bed in hospital after falling off the stage at the Paramount Theatre. Dean is sitting by his side]
You know, I hate to be alone.
Yeah.
Hey, Dean, remember that time in Chicago? Maybe it was Philly. Somewhere there was a bar or somewhere. You were laughing about something, and you threw your arm around my shoulder, and you kept it there while I took a drink, and everybody was looking at us and it was then, that I knew, this is what it must be like to have a brother. I'll never forget that feeling. That's the beautiful thing about show business, Dean. The thing I love the most. Never to be lonely again. Right, Dean?
Right, Jerry.
It's very nice of you to sit here with me.
Well, I'm not here, Jerry. You're dreaming. I'm sitting at the bar at the Copa, checking out the joint, smelling the perfume. Wondering whose gonna make the trip home with me tonight. Not thinking about tomorrow, not thinking about yesterday, not thinking about you.
You're such a tough guy. I know you feel it too. I know you do.
[during Colgate, while Dean is performing "That's Amore", Jerry mockingly makes the cameramen move the camera's closer on Dean and pounces on him] [laughs]
I got you now! I got you now! You're all mine! Oh, ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! All mine, all mine! All mine! [pulling Dean's hair]
Oh, you're overacting, Jerry...
All mine! Oh, ho! Sing now, mister singer! Sing now!
Sing now!
It's over!
We have the one thing that no other team has.
Yeah, Jerry, what's that?
It's the love we have for each other.
You know you can talk about love all you want, to me you're nothing but a dollar sign. I am done, pallie. We're finished.
Is Jackie in here? Hey, Jackie, how are you?
[Jackie Gleason is seen sitting at a front table, smoking a cigar, nods]
Everybody protect your food!
Who needs a drink next to that? I'm drunk already. Alright ladies and gentlemen, the Italian street singer is getting old.
Ahh, what is this?
Mr. singer man, go get 'em.
Best one yet.
