Mollie
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess, and she moved to Queens. The end.
Julie Ubriacco
That's not a story!
Mollie
It is tonight. Good night.
A line from Mollie Ubriacco
When he gets nervous, he gets completely honest. That is a major business liability.
Scenes with Mollie Ubriacco
11 scenes Mollie
Mollie
Mollie
James.
James
What?
Mollie
Don't tell jokes.
James
I'm funny!
Mollie
You *are* funny, honey, in sort of a...
James
Corny.
Mollie
Corny, kind of funny.
Mollie
Most little girls are obsessed with ponies and mermaids, not big sweaty men making jump shots. Should we be worried? Mike!
James
Well, it's the Suns, honey. If it were the Mavericks, I'd be worried.
James
Mike, what do you think of this suit?
Mikey Ubriacco
You look like my principal.
James
See? Even he thinks it's stupid.
Mollie
*He* is not offering you a dental plan.
James
Honey, this isn't me. I wanna be myself.
Mollie
Okay, you're not gonna get this job if you're yourself.
Mollie
[opening pay envelope]
Pink! Mine's pink today... how festive! [reads paper, faints]
Mollie
No, I'm a Vulcan. What a death grip?
Mikey Ubriacco
[after he and James have brought Rocks home and have seen Daphne for the first time]
I like Rocks better...
James
[putting his hand over Mikey's mouth]
A dog! A dog! Finally a dog! We'll play with your Rocks later.
Mikey Ubriacco
[muffled]
Okay, no problem.
Mollie
As I was just telling Samantha, there's no way we'd take her precious baby away.
James
[citing the "dog school" Daphne attended]
Radcliffe, honey, Radcliffe! [walks away]
Mollie
[dressed up like an elf]
I need to get these shoes off, my toes are curling.
Mollie
[on the phone]
Oh, yeah? Well, Merry Christmas, you bimbo!
Mollie
You want to open another one of your presents?
Mikey Ubriacco
It's probably just more stupid clothes.
Mollie
Well, you know that? If it weren't for them, you'd be freezing your little tushie off right now.
Julie Ubriacco
Yeah!
