Quilty quotes from Lolita (1962)

Humbert

Quilty, Quilty.

Quilty

Wha? Wha? What's that?

Humbert

Are you Quilty?

Quilty

No, I'm Spartacus. Have you come to free the slaves or somethin'?

Humbert

Are you Quilty?

Quilty

Yeah, I am Quilty. Yes, sure.

Humbert

Shall we have a little chat before we start?

Quilty

Roman ping...You're supposed to say Roman pong! OK, you serve. I don't mind. I don't - I just don't mind. Come on... [serves again] Roman ping-pong. Kinda tricky serve to handle, eh Captain? Kind of tricky. One of the champs taught me that. I'm not accusing you, Captain, but it's sort of absurd the way people invade this house without even knocking...They use the telephone..

Humbert

You really don't remember me, do you?

Quilty

Have you ever noticed how the ...different champs use their bats? You know, some of 'em hold it like this and everything.

Humbert

Do you recall a girl called Dolores Haze?

Quilty

I remember the one guy, he didn't have a hand. He had a bat instead of a hand. He's...

Humbert

Lolita?!

Quilty

Lo-li-tah. Yeah, yeah. I remember that name, all right. Maybe she made some telephone calls. Who cares?

Quilty

Hey, you're a sort of bad loser, Captain. I never found a guy who pulled a gun on me when he lost a game. Didn't anyone ever tell ya? It's not really who wins, it's how you play, like the champs. Listen, I don't think I want to play anymore. Gee, I'm just dyin' for a drink. I'm just dyin' to have a drinkie.

Humbert

You're dying anyway, Quilty. Quilty, I want you to concentrate - you're going to die. Try to understand what is happening to you.

Quilty

You are either Australian or a German refugee. This is a gentile's house - you'd better run along.

Humbert

Think of what you did, Quilty, and think of what is happening to you now.

Quilty

Hee-hee-hee...gee, that's a - that's a durl-in' little gun you got there. That's a durlin' little thing. How much a guy like you want for a-a durlin' little gun like that?

Humbert

Read this.

Quilty

What's this, the deed to the ranch?

Humbert

It's your death sentence. Read it.

Quilty

I can't read, ah, mister. I never did none of that there book learnin', ya know.

Humbert

Read it, Quilty!

Quilty

Mmm? 'Because you took advantage of a sinner. Because you took advantage...Because you took...Because you took advantage of my disadvantage.' Gee, that's a dad-blasted durn good poem you done there. 'When I stood Adam-Naked...' Oh! Adam-Naked, you should be ashamed of yourself, Captain. '...before a Federal Law and all its stinging stars.' Tarnation, you old horned toad, that's a mighty pretty...that's a pretty poem. 'Because you took advantage' - Gee, it's getting a bit repetitious, isn't it - 'Because' - there's another one - 'Because you cheated me. Because you took her at an age, when young lads...'

Humbert

That's enough!

Quilty

Say, what you take it away for, mister? That was getting kind of smutty there! [laughs]

Humbert

Do you have any last words?

Quilty

Listen, Mac. You're drunk, and I'm a sick man. This pistol-packing farce is becoming a sort of nuisance.

Humbert

Do you want to die standing up or sitting down?

Quilty

I wanna die like a champion.

Quilty

Gee, right in the boxing glove. You want to be more careful with that thing. Listen Captain, why don't you stop trifling with life and death? I'm a playwright. You know, I know all about this sort of tragedy and comedy and fantasy and everything. I've got fifty-two successful scenarios to my credit, added to which my father's a policeman. [He turns to the piano] Listen, you look like a music lover to me. Why don't you let, why, why don't you let me play you a little thing I-I wrote last week? [He begins playing Chopin's Grand Polonaise] Nice sort of opening that, eh? We could dream up some lyrics, maybe. You and I dream them up together, you know, share the profits. Do you think that'll make the hit parade? [Singing] Uh, the moon was blue, and so are you and I tonight...she's mine...yours...she's...she's yours tonight...and...and... [runs from the room]

Quilty

Gee! Gee, that hurt me, that... You really hurt me. Listen, if you're tryin' to scare me, you did a pretty swell job all right. My leg'll be black and blue tomorrow. You know, this house is roomy and cool. You see how cool it is. I intend moving to England or Florence forever. You can move in. I've got some nice friends, you know, who could come and keep you company here. You could use them as pieces of furniture. This one guy looks just like a bookcase. I could fix it up for you to attend executions, how would you like that? Just you there, nobody else, just watching. Watch! You like watching, Captain? No, cause, not many people know that the, ha-ha, that the chair is painted yellow. You'd be the only guy in the know.
Humbert shoots him again]

Quilty

That hurts!

Charlotte

Oh, hello. Hello, again! Oh, it's certainly been a long time!

Quilty

It certainly has, yes.

Charlotte

Do you know that I've been the local authority on you ever since.

Quilty

Is that so? Well, that's very sweet of you. Thank you so much.

Charlotte

I'll never forget that intellectually stimulating talk that you gave to our club.

Quilty

Yes, a magnificent club. Really magnificent. Tell me one thing - are you a columnist?

Charlotte

No, no. Don't you remember? That afternoon changed my whole life.

Quilty

Oh, well, how about that? [He chuckles]

Charlotte

You remember it. [She whispers in his ear]

Quilty

Did I do that? [She nods] Did I?

Charlotte

And afterwards, you know, I showed you my garden. And I drove you to the airport.

Quilty

Yes, really great fun. Listen, listen, din, din you have a dawda (daughter)? Din you have a dawda with a lovely name? Yeah, a lovely, what was it now, a lovely lyrical lilting name like, uh, uh...

Charlotte

Lo-li-ta.

Quilty

Lo-li-ta, that's right. Lolita. Diminutive of Dolores, the tears and the roses.

Quilty

She's a yellow belt. I'm a green belt. That's the way nature made it. What happens is, she throws me all over the place.

She throws you all over the place?

Quilty

Yes. What she does, she gets me in a, sort of, thing called a sweeping ankle throw. She sweeps my ankles away from under me. I go down with one helluva bang.

Doesn't it hurt?

Quilty

Well, I sort of lay there in pain, but I love it. I really love it. I lay there hovering between consciousness and unconsciousness. It's really the greatest.

Quilty

Hello, heh-heh, heh-heh. Hello.

Humbert

Oh, you're addressing me?...I thought there was perhaps someone with you.

Quilty

No, I'm not really with someone. I'm with you, heh-heh. I didn't mean that as an insult. What I really meant was that, uh, I'm with the State Police, uh, here, and, uh, when I'm with them, I'm with someone, but right now, I'm on my own. I mean, I'm not with a lot of people, just you. Heh.

Humbert

Well, I wouldn't like to disturb you. I'll leave you alone if you prefer it.

Quilty

No, you don't really have to go at all. I like it, you know, because, uh, I don't know what it is. I sort of get the impression that you want to leave but you don't like to leave because maybe you think I'd think it'd look suspicious, me being a policeman...You don't have to think that, because, uh, I haven't really got a suspicious mind at all. I look suspicious myself. A lot of people think I'm suspicious, especially when I stand around on street corners. One of our own boys picked me up the other week - he thought I was too suspicious standing on a street corner and everything. Tell me something, uhm, I couldn't help noticing when you checked in tonight. It's part of my job - I notice human individuals - and I noticed your face. I said to myself when I saw you - I said, 'That's a guy with the most normal-looking face I ever saw in my life'...It's great to see a normal face, because I'm a normal guy. It would be great for two normal guys like us to get together and talk about world events - you know, in a normal sort of way...May I say one other thing to you? It's really on my mind. I've been thinking about it quite a lot. I noticed when you was checking in, you had a lovely, pretty little girl with you. She was really lovely. As a matter of fact, she wasn't so little, come to think of it. She was fairly tall, what I mean, taller than little, you know what I mean. But, uh, she was really lovely. I wish I had a lovely, pretty tall, lovely little girl like that, I mean...Your daughter? Gee, isn't it great to have a lovely, tall, pretty little, small daughter like that, it's really wonderful. I don't have any children, boys or little tall girls or anything. I'm not even...Heh-heh, may I say something? I thought you was looking a little uneasy at the desk there. Maybe I was thinking that you want to get away from your wife for a little while. I don't blame you. If I was married, I'd take every opportunity to get away from my wife.

Humbert

She had an accident.

Quilty

That's really terrible. I mean, fancy a fella's wife having, a normal guy's wife having an accident like that. What happened to her?

Humbert

She was hit by a car.

Quilty

Gee, no wonder she's not here. Gee, you must feel pretty bad about that. What's happening? Is she coming on later or something?

Humbert

Well, that was the understanding.

Quilty

What? In an ambulance? Heh-heh. Gee, I'm sorry, I shouldn't say that. I get sorta carried away, you know, being so normal and everything. Tell me, umm, when you were standing there at the desk checkin' in with the night manager, Mr. George Swine, who I happen to know as a personal friend of mine, umm, I was wondering if, uh, he fixed you up with, uh, sort of good accommodation here...You're quite sure about that, because, I mean, I could really easily have a word with George Swine. Uh, I mean, he's a really nor-normal nice sorta guy and I've only got to have a normal word in his ear and you'd be surprised what things could happen from a thing like that. I mean, he-he'd probably go and turn some of the troopers out so you could have a lovely room - a bridal suite for you and your lovely little girl.

Humbert

No, please, I don't want you to take any trouble on my account. We're perfectly comfortable.

Quilty

But he should do it. It's his job to fix you up with something nice, I mean, you know, he gets paid for doing that thing and when he sees a guy like you coming in, all normal and everything, with a lovely little girl beside him, he should say to himself, 'Gee, I've got to give that guy a lovely sorta comfortable foamy bed to sleep in.' I mean, you know, I just don't like to hear things like that happening because I could go over and really take a swipe at him for not giving you a lovely, comfortable, sleepy, movie-star bed. You know what I mean, heh, I mean, you know, what has he got ya? On the floor or something?

Humbert

Well, the little girl is probably asleep already - in the bed - and, uh... [laughs] I don't know why we're discussing this because...

Quilty

Listen, why don't you let me have a look at the room - at the accommodation that you have, now, and-and-and- really take it in for a second - and then I could come down and have a word with George Swine? It would be so simple.
Humbert: If you'll excuse me.

You're going because you maybe think that, uh, me being a policeman and everything, I think you're sorta suspicious. I-I don't think that at all. I think you're really normal and everything. You don't have to go because of that...You have a most interesting face. Goodnight.