Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels quotes

69 total quotes

Multiple Characters
Rory Breaker
Soap
Tom

View Quote It's a deal, it's a steal, it's a sale of the ****ing century! In fact, **** it, Nick, I think I'll keep it.

View Quote We're gonna do a proper decoration job. I want the grey skies of London illuminated. I want that house painted red.

View Quote (to Dog holding up a gun)Bend over the ****ing desk!

View Quote (To Tom about the guns) So, the only thing connecting us to the case, is in the back of your car which is parked outside?!

View Quote Winston: Charles, get the rifle out. We're being ****ed.

View Quote Gary: Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shots?
Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains then. Yes, that's right, guns that fire shots.

View Quote A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.

View Quote J.D.:You're lucky you're still breathing. Let alone able to walk. I suggest you take full advantage of that fact.

View Quote Rory Breaker: Your stupidity may be your one saving grace.
Nick the Greek: Uuugh?
Rory Breaker: Don't "uuugh" me, Greek boy! How is it, that your soon to be dead friends thought they might be able to steal my canabis, and then sell it back to me? Is this some white ****'s joke, that black ****s don't get? Coz I ain't ****in' laughing Nich-ohl-arse.

View Quote What do you want a medal? I'll shoot you in the ****ing throat if I don't get my ganja back!

View Quote Soap: Where'd you get these? A ****ing museum?
Tom: Nick the Greek.
Bacon: How much did you part with?
Tom: 700 for the pair.
Soap: Drachmas, I hope. I'd feel safer with a chicken drumstick. These are gonna do more harm than good.

View Quote Tom: Well, he can afford to do the deal at the price we're selling. It's not worth him giving us any trouble cause he knows we'll be a pain in the arse.
Soap: I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid.
Tom: You'd take a pain in the arse for air miles.
Soap: Tom, the fatter you get, the sadder you get.
Eddie: Will you two stop flirting for a minute?

View Quote Hatchet Harry: You must be Eddie, J.D.'s son.
Eddie: Yeah. You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father.
Hatchet Harry: Never mind son, you just might meet him if you carry on like that.

View Quote No, **** that. You can think about it. I am panicking and I'm off.

View Quote Big Chris: I've got some bad news for you, John.
John: What the ****?
[Chris slamms top of tanning bed on John]
Big Chris: Mind your language in front of the boy!
John: Jesus Christ!
[Chris does it again]
Big Chris: That includes blasphemy as well!