Howard We should have gone to stay with my brother!
Linda
Your brother lives in a barn!
Howard Jesus was born in a barn!
Played by David Koechner 
Krampus (2015) · 8 quotes
Krampus (2015) · 8 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Krampus (2015): in 3 of its 8 quotes
Scenes with Howard
3 scenes Howard Howard Howard You're not thinking of going after that snowplow alone, are you?
Tom
Shepherd's gotta protect his flock.
Jordan
We know you still believe in the big fat creeper!
Max
I don't know what you're talking about!
Stevie
[holds up Max's letter to Santa]
Are you sure about that?
Beth
[Max tries to get his letter back and Beth stops him]
Stop!
Stevie
[starts reading Max's letter]
"Dear Santa, I know I haven't been great this year and I'm sorry for that, but I was really hoping you can help out me and my family this Christmas. We need you!" Oh, Maxi-Pad. That is so s...
Beth
[stops Max from getting his letter back]
Stop, Max!
Stevie
Blah blah blah. Bullshit, bullshit. Ah, here we go, Maxie's wishlist!
Beth
Stevie, stop! That's enough!
Stevie
Wait, you're up first, Beth! [reading the letter] "I wish me and Beth could hang out like we used to. Might've noticed that I don't have tons of friends." Oh no, really Max? "I wish my Mom and Dad could fall in love again. I know they get upset a lot with Dad away from home so much. I think they really just miss each other." [Linda comes in] "Also, I wish things weren't so hard for Uncle Howard and Aunt Linda. So, maybe you can lend them a hand for the rest of the year. And... and that..." [angrily facing Max] Screw you, Dad does not wish we were boys!
Sarah
[smilingly enters the dining room]
Who wants crème brûlée?
Max
Give me the letter!
Tom
Hey! Max?
Howard Alright, that's enough!
Tom
You okay? Honey!
Max
I just wanted Christmas to be like it used to be, but forget it! I hate Christmas! I hate all of you!
Sarah
[angrily and tearfully runs up to his room]
Max? Max!
Oh, lay off of him! Kid deserves a prize for telling the truth!
