It's 19 minutes after the hour, and now it's time for our daily feature The Astrological Hour. A quick reminder these reports are not intended to foster belief in astrology, but merely to support people who cannot take responsibility for their own lives.
The Kentucky Fried Movie quotes
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Announcer
It's been said that the test of a man's courage is how he performs in the face of danger. Well, in the next half hour, you're gonna meet a very unique breed of cat. The kind of man who doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. Rex Kramer, part-time airline mechanic, full-time daredevil. A man willing to risk his life for the sake of adventure. He has to chase it, confront it, and whip it. Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker!
Argon Spokesman
At Argon, we're working to keep your money!
Argon Spokesman
Here at our multi-billion dollar refinery in Fairbanks, we're extracting 2.5 billion barrels of crude oil each day from teenagers' faces.
Game Show Announcer
Guard number one is a senior on Klahn's mountain, and aspires to be a research chemist. Welcome, please, Hung Well! Guard number two is a real skating buff. A warm welcome for Long Wang! Traveling comes naturally to guard number three, as he's a licensed airplane pilot. Welcome, please, Enormous Genitals!
Loo What was that? This is not a chawade. We need total concentwation.
Mrs. Hefsteder
Three years ago our Johnny died. We thought there was no hope, but then we discovered the United Appeal for the Dead. They showed us that despite Johnny's handicap, he could still be a useful member of our family and the community. Our United Appeal for the Dead caseworker showed us that the absence of life from Johnny's body didn't have to mean his absence from our daily lives.
PA Announcement
This is not a drill - drills go Black-and-Decker-Black-and-Decker-Black-and-Decker...
Pennington
Klahn has been connected with every sort of nefarious activity. You name it - opium, weapons traffic, assassination, motion picture distribution...
1st guest
Fish for dinner last night?
2nd guest
Phewww... Harvey still smoking those cigars?
3rd guest
CHRIST! Did a cow shit in here?
In the meantime this is A.M. Today. It's 18 minutes after the hour and time for our daily feature of debate: Count/Pointercount. Once again here are John Fitzsimmons and Sheila Hamilton.
John Fitzsimmons [alternately to Sheila and camera]
Well Sheila, I guess even you and your liberal cronies have found the light at the end of love with our beloved president. The intellectuals have been much agitated and now, having gotten the presidency by exploiting the problems they themselves have manufactured, he has done his best to fuel their anxieties about him. Sheila. Will you and your pack of bleeding heart liberals never learn that expanding welfare roles only accelerate inflation and inevitably hurt most those they purport to help?
Sheila Hamilton
Why John, you old stick in the mud. [to camera] I've been listening to that horse shit of yours for months, and you can take that crap and blow it out your ass. And for good measure, sit on THIS [flips the bird] John.
Claude LaMont
I live ze unknown, I love ze unknown, I am ze unknown.
Paul Burmaster
Claude, where are you living now?
Claude LaMont
Zat... is unknown. I don't know.
The CIA thinks they can infiltrate the Mountain of Dr. Klahn!
CIA Agent
You can't scare me, you slant-eyed yellow bastard.
Take him to... Detroit!
CIA Agent
No! No, not Detroit! No! No, please! Anything but that! No! No!
What is important is that my guards have accepted bribes and failed in their duties! Now, they must prove themselves worthy to remain among us! Let us meet our guards!
Voiceover Guard #1 is a senior on Klahn's mountain and aspires to be a research chemist. Welcome, please, Hung Well!
Voiceover Guard #2 is a real skating buff. A warm welcome for Long Wang!
Voiceover Traveling comes naturally to Guard #3, as he's a licensed airplane pilot. Welcome, please, Enormous Genitals!
Game Show Host
Guard #1, you are out on your first date. It is too late to see a movie. What do you propose to do?
Guard #1 Well, uh, first, we walk along the beach in the moonlight. Then, I'll play love songs on my guitar. And the next morning...
Bulkus!
Game Show Host
Guard #2, if I were asleep, and you were my alarm clock, how would you wake me up in the morning?
Guard #2
Well, I wouldn't. I'm no ding-a-ling.
Bulkus!
Game Show Host
How about you, #3? The same question.
Guard #3
We are building a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude. We forge our spirits in the same tradition as our ancestors. Dr. Klahn is a magnificent leader. He has our gratitude. Let's all give Dr. Klahn a great big hand!
Bulkus!
Game Show Host
If I were asleep, and you were my alarm clock, how would you wake me up?
Guard #2
I wouldn't - I'm no ding-a-ling.