Elizabeth Masterson Is that a ring? Have you ever heard of a coaster? Or a trash can, for that matter? I don't care who you are, you're mopping that up. [during her first appearance as a spirit]
2nd most-quoted character in Just Like Heaven (2005): in 25 of its 61 quotes
Most scenes with: David Abbot (15), Jack Houriskey (4)
I may have been a lonely, home-wrecking whore, but I saved lives! [after remembering she's a doctor]
More lines from Elizabeth Masterson
6 quotes Elizabeth Masterson Elizabeth Masterson Oh, I get it. You were dumped. Probably for some guy who doesn't have a couch fused to his ass.
Elizabeth Masterson Opium addicts are more alert than you, David.
Elizabeth Masterson I mean, I guess she's sexy if you're into that whole tall, big boobs, long legs, model-y sort of thing. I guess if you wanna be that guy. [referring to Katrina]
Elizabeth Masterson Oh, my God. Maybe I was a slut. A lonely, home-wrecking slut.
Elizabeth Masterson If you could ever really touch me… I think I might wake up from all this.
Scenes with Elizabeth Masterson
18 scenes Elizabeth [Elizabeth treats an elderly hospital patient.]
Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable today?
Mr. Clarke Marry me?
Elizabeth Wow.
Mr. Clarke No — I have my own bus pass.
Elizabeth Well, then how could I refuse? Let me just call my sister and see if I can borrow her dress, okay? You sit tight.[to nurse Jenny] Keep an eye on my fianc?. And let's decrease his morphine drip.
[Elizabeth's sister has set up a blind date for her.]
I'm doing you this huge favor here. Beggars can't be choosers, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth Abby, I am completely capable of meeting men on my own.
I know, honey. I'd just like you to meet one who's not bleeding.
Are-are-are you here? Come on, I think you're here. [waits] Okay. I've got a hot, moist cup of coffee in my hand. There is no coaster on this table. I'm going to set it down on this lovely mahogany—
Elizabeth [appearing from nowhere]
Don't you dare!
Ah! We-we need to talk.
Let me ask you, has anything, uh, dramatic happened to you recently?
Elizabeth Like what?
I don't know, like… dying, maybe?
I'm trying to help you face the fact that you are—
Elizabeth I'm not dead!
Look around you. There should be a bright light nearby.
Elizabeth There's no light.
Walk into the light, Elizabeth!
Elizabeth There is no light! I am not dead. I think I would know if I was dead. [looks down and notices a table bisecting her at the waist] What's happening to me?!
You're DEAD!
Elizabeth All I know is-is when I'm not with you it's like I don't… exist. Oh, my God. Maybe I am dead.
Oh, come on now. I'm, I'm sorry I said you were dead. Maybe you're not dead. Maybe you're just very… light.
Elizabeth Look, you have two realities to choose from. First one being that a woman has come into your life in a very unconventional way, and she happens to need your assistance.
Right.
Elizabeth The second one is that you're an insane person, and you're sitting on a park bench right now talking to yourself.
I think I prefer the first one.
Elizabeth [After downstairs neighbor Katrina flirts outrageously with David.]
You don't think she was completely un-classy and predatory?
Those happen to be two of men's favorite things.
Manager
[An intangible Elizabeth coaches David in helping a collapsed restaurant patron.]
What's wrong with him?
Elizabeth It's a tension pneumothorax.
I think it's a tension nemothaxer.
Elizabeth Pneumothorax.
Pneumothaxer.
Elizabeth Pneumothorax.
Pneuma… pneumathurman!
Elizabeth Never mind.
Never mind!
[The pair has located Elizabeth's comatose body in a hospital.]
Oh, my God, it's you. It's you, it's really you. You're, you're not dead, you're alive.
Elizabeth I know, David, but I'm in a coma. This is not good.
Well, it's way better than dead!
Elizabeth [David has just ducked out of a tryst with Katrina.]
That was quick.
Come on, nothing happened.
Elizabeth What did you say to her?
Um… that I was seeing someone.
Elizabeth Honestly?
Well, I didn't mention that, uh, I was the only one who could.
[Elizabeth's life support is due to be terminated shortly.]
Suddenly I know what I'm supposed to do. Because this time I can do something.
Elizabeth What are you talking about?
Lizzie, when we first met, I kept saying you were dead. But it was me that was dead, and you brought me back. You saved me. And now it's my turn to save you.
Elizabeth How?
I'm gonna steal your body!
Fine,fine. If she is really there tell me, tell me what I have behind my back. Rock, paper, or scissor.
Elizabeth Rock!
Rock!
Elizabeth Scissors!
Scissors!
Elizabeth Paper!
Paper!
Elizabeth Rock, again!
Rock,again!
Elizabeth [Jack puts up the middle finger behind his back.]
He's flipping me off.
Are you flipping her off?
Elizabeth [Despite his doubts, Jack is helping to remove Elizabeth's body from the hospital.]
David, tell him thank you.
Jack? We're really grateful.
I'm not doing it for you.
Well, then why are you doing it?
Because someday, trust me, I'm gonna need help moving a body, and when that day comes, I don't wanna hear any shit from you.
Father Flanagan
(while splashing holy water on the wood floor)
The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!
Elizabeth (to David)
You're mopping that up.
[Elizabeth’s life support is due to be terminated shortly]
Suddenly I know what I'm supposed to do. Because this time I can do something.
Elizabeth What are you talking about?
Elizabeth, when we first met, I kept saying you were dead. But it was me that was dead, and you brought me back. You saved me. And now it's my turn to save you.
Elizabeth How?
I'm gonna steal your body.
Elizabeth [On the street, as they approach David's truck]
David, what are you thinking? You can't do this!
Why can't I?
Elizabeth Because you'll go to jail.
So what? If something happens to you, do you think I care where I'll be? At least this'll buy us a little more time.
Elizabeth [considering it]
The things that you'd have to know to even start to pull this off-
You know them. You'll talk me through it.
Elizabeth [reluctantly]
Okay, you're gonna need a van...and somebody with no morals.
[David is trying to convince Jack that Elizabeth is with them]
If your friend's really behind me, ask her what I'm doing with my hand. Rock, paper, or scissors.
Elizabeth Rock!
Rock!
Elizabeth Scissors!
Scissors!
Elizabeth Paper!
Paper!
Elizabeth Rock, again!
Rock, again!
Elizabeth [Jack puts up the middle finger behind his back.]
He's flipping me off.
Are you flipping her off? [angrily] You're flipping her off!
[Jack, slightly creeped out, nervously checks behind him.] (nervously)
What? How did you - okay, okay, sometimes people with mental or emotional disturbances can have psychic moments, all right? But even if she was real, do you know what you're risking for this woman?
Yes!
WHY?
BECAUSE I LOVE HER! (Calms down) I love her. (faces Elizabeth) I do. I love you.
Elizabeth (stunned)
No one's ever said that to me before.
Elizabeth [Despite his doubts, Jack is helping to remove Elizabeth’s body from the hospital.]
David, tell him thank you.
We're really grateful, Jack.
I'm not doing it for you.
Well, then why are you doing it?
Because someday, trust me, I'm gonna need help moving a body, and when that day comes, I don't wanna hear any shit from you.
Elizabeth [They enter Elizabeth's hospital room.]
Okay, get me on the gurney, quick.
Oh my God. David -
I know, she’s pretty, right?
Elizabeth That’s really sweet, but we've gotta go.
No, that’s not it, this is her. This is the woman I set you up with, this is the woman you stood up that night!
And she didn't make it either, because she had an accident...[David turns to face Elizabeth]
Elizabeth [also surprised]
I was supposed to meet you.
How do you know her?
I'm friends with her sister, Abby, we went out years ago.
Elizabeth I knew I'd seen him before...That’s J.J.!
Jack is J.J.?
What did you just — No one's called me J.J. since college.
Elizabeth He’s older and hairier, but it’s him.
He’s the one who tongued Abby at the wedding?
How the hell do you know that? Nobody knows that.
It’s Elizabeth!
Oh-oh my god. She really is here, isn't she?
I told you!
Well, let’s get her on the gurney, I don’t want them killing Abby’s little sister!
