Johnny English Ah, the Heckler and Koch G-36. Quite deadly in the right hands.
Most-quoted character in Johnny English (2003): in 22 of its 25 quotes
Most scenes with: Pascal Sauvage (10), Bough (3)
I've been dropped into the Kalahari desert, carrying nothing more than a toothbrush and a pack of sherbert lemons, and I still found my way to Bulawayo before Ramadan.
More lines from Johnny English
11 quotes Johnny English Johnny English A good agent doesn't need gadgets. The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, sensitive hearing and a whole bunch of bigger brains.
Johnny English Pull yourself together, it's only a bit of poo!
Johnny English The word 'mistake' is not one that appears in my dictionary.
Johnny English Do you or do you not have tattooed on your bottom the words "Jesus is coming - look busy"?
Johnny English You might have taken me, Sauvage, but you'll never take England. Not while I have breath in my lungs or a bullet in my gun. [English pulls the trigger, but poo splurts out instead of a bullet]
Johnny English Good morning, gentlemen! MI7 at your service.
Johnny English A good agent doesn't need gadgets. The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, a finely tuned ear and a slightly bigger brain than is strictly necessary.
Johnny English [after accidentally being crowned king; points to Sauvage after a pause]
Arrest that man... and lock him away! [the crowd cheers as four guards take Sauvage away]
Johnny English [speaking to Bough]
Have you heard of the chanting of the Bedouin monks of the Almaghreb mountains?
Johnny English [speaking to Lorna]
Are you familiar with the shaman throat warblers of the Guatemalan Delta?
Scenes with Johnny English
10 scenes
Lorna Campbell What are you going to do, Johnny? Sit in this grotty flat feeling sorry for yourself, or are you gonna get out there and save your country?
Johnny English I'm gonna sit in the flat.
Pegasus Everything in order, English?
Johnny English I think you'll find it's more than just in order, sir. You are now entering the most secure location in the whole of England. [a bomb detonates behind him]
Pegasus It's an unmitigated disaster, English!
Johnny English I couldn't agree more, sir.
Pegasus Well we need to get these jewels back, and fast! Tell me about this assailant, because when they searched the building later, there was no sign of him.
Johnny English Well, the man was clearly a professional. He must have escaped while the Queen was being sedated.
Pegasus But he's the only lead we've got, English. Oh, this is Roger from Data Support. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. So tell us, what did this man look like?
Johnny English Well, he was... big.
Roger Hair colour?
Johnny English [looks around the room for ideas and spots a fruitbowl]
Orange.
Pegasus Orange?!
Johnny English And curly. Frizzy, actually. An eye patch, broken nose, very few teeth. Two I would say at the most, and a scar on his cheek... in the shape... of a banana.
Roger Which cheek?
Johnny English Both cheeks. They sort of met in the middle.
Pegasus Are you sure about this, English?
Johnny English [Pegasus shows him the likeness; it resembles a cross between a pirate and a clown]
AH! Oh, that's him. An uncanny resemblance.
Johnny English [picks up a pen on the secretary's desk]
This reminds me of the old service issue ballpoint. I remember every agent used to carry a pen that looked just like this. Completely innocent to the untrained eye but, click it twice... [clicks the pen twice and a missile shoots out of the pen and hits the secretary, who collapses]
Are you all right, sir?
Johnny English Yes, I landed on something quite soft.
That was me, sir.
Johnny English Oh, good.
Johnny English [Johnny and Bough are in a dark tunnel]
It may be pitch black, but we can still see.
How?
Johnny English The Benodin monks of the Al Magreb Mountains developed a system of sonic chanting.
I see, sir. And?
Johnny English The sound of their chanting would bounce back off any obstacles, and using their highly tuned ears they could paint a mental picture of the path ahead.
Brilliant.
Johnny English However, you must always sing in E-flat.
Johnny English [singing]
E-E-E-E flat, E-E-E flat, E-flaaaaaaat! Thaaaaank you for the music, the songs I'm singing--
Is it working, sir?
Johnny English Extremely well, thank you.
Johnny English [singing]
Thanks for all the joy that-- [Johnny hits the tunnel wall] Oh!
Lorna Campbell [watching Sauvage, who Johnny thinks is a waiter, standing just behind him]
You obviously haven't met our host, Monsieur Sauvage.
Johnny English No, thank God! You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on a giant cactus than exchange pleasantries with that jumped-up Frenchman. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion.
Johnny English [he chuckles, then notices Sauvage standing behind him]
Sorry, can I help?
Pascal Sauvage, jumped-up Frenchman.
Lorna Campbell Lorna Campbell. I've been so looking forward to meeting you.
Enchant?.
[Johnny stammers in embarrassment]
And of course, you're Johnny English. I've heard all about you.
Johnny English [English has infiltrated a hospital, mistakingly believing it to be Sauvage's HQ]
My God, what have they done to you?
Elderly Man They've taken some of my blood.
Johnny English Bastards.
Johnny English [after landing on the wrong building, which happens to be a hospital, and taking the medical staff hostage]
Now, perhaps you could direct me to your evil paymaster.
Doctor What are you talking about?
Johnny English You know exactly what I'm talking about. Where is the office of Pascal Sauvage?
[everyone looks out of the window; Jonny turns to see a giant SAUVAGE sign on the next building with Bough staring at him from the window] [over com-link]
Are you coming over here in a minute, sir?
Archbishop [preparing to crown Sauvage]
I crown you--
Johnny English [Johnny swings on the chandelier and snatches the crown] [fails to grab the banner]
Dammit! [swings back and forth on the wire]
[hands the orb and scepter back to the Archbishop and then springs up from the throne]
Give it back!
Johnny English No!
That is my crown!
Johnny English Never!
GIVE IT BACK!!!
Johnny English Never in a million years, Sauvage!
