Jackass: The Movie (2002) quotes

View Quote Angry Golfer: [After disturbing a golf game with an air horn] Didn't I tell you I was going to come over here and kick your ass for that?
Johnny Knoxville: But... I'm sorry. I got bursitis.
Angry Golfer: You got bursitis?
Johnny Knoxville: Yeah.
Angry Golfer: So that means you gotta play with a horn?
Johnny Knoxville: It helps.
Angry Golfer: I'll give you something to play with, pal!

View Quote April Margera: [Fanning blankets in bed] I'm helping you, are you okay?
Johnny Knoxville: [Under blankets, clearly suffering] No, you're just wafting Phil's ass in my nose!

View Quote Bam Margera: Since we no longer have to bleep cuss words, I promise I will get my mom to say "****" by the end of this movie.
April Margera: [After seeing an alligator in her house] That is the scariest **** thing I ever saw in my whole life!

View Quote Bam Margera: We wanted to see if you would run here with a car up your ass!
Ryan Dunn: No, I ain't running anywhere. It's scary enough to walk.

View Quote Bam Margera: [After Dunn puts a toy car in his rectum] So, why couldn't you do this, because your dad would disown you?
Steve-O: Well, no, I...
Bam Margera: Dude, you drank wine off a dude's ass crack!
Steve-O: Well, my dad never saw that, never told him that. I just went to him and said; "Listen, Dad, we're going hard these days, and there's some ideas floating around," and I just mentioned the toy-car-in-the-butt thing. And then he said... you know it's when like your parents said "I'm not mad at you, just disappointed" You know that hurts so much more. [Laughs]

View Quote Jeff Tremaine: This one's gonna be a little more powerful than the last one, so...
Johnny Knoxville: Why? These are different bottle rockets?
Jeff Tremaine: No, there's just more of them.

View Quote Johnny Knoxville/Irving Zisman: I was Lon Chaney's lover!
Shopkeeper: Go back and love him!

View Quote Johnny Knoxville: Is this the worst you've ever had to go boom-boom?
Dave England: No, no. I shit my pants at the fair.

View Quote Johnny Knoxville: That had bad news written all over it.
Bam Margera: Dunn can't drive for shit!

View Quote Johnny Knoxville: What's the quickest you've ever knocked anyone out?
Butterbean: I hold, like, a California state record's like 18 seconds including the ten-count.
Johnny Knoxville: I think you're gonna break that today.

View Quote Johnny Knoxville: What's wrong, man?
Lance Bangs: I had to sit there while he shat!

View Quote Johnny Knoxville: [Dazed, holding head after a golf cart skit] I don't know what happened. I just remember we went in the air and the next thing I know, I'm just... ****.
Bam Margera: Dude, you were hauling so much ass!

View Quote Man: We have very... What the hell you doin?
Dave England: I'm sorry. I'm almost done.
Man: I hope you ain't takin' a shit in that son of a bitch!

View Quote Man: [A man tries to help Spike Jonze after his scooter zooms downhill] You alright?
Spike Jonze: Yeah.
Man: You have... your brakes go out?
Spike Jonze: Yeah. The whole thing doesn't work.
Man: Really?
Spike Jonze: Will you push me to the top? I wanna do it again.

View Quote Rick Kosick: [While viewing the apparatus for the "Bungee Wedgie" stunt] This isn't gonna work!
Jeff Tremaine: It might...