Toby Wright Good luck at the Foreign Office, try not to annoy Russia.
Played by Chris Addison 
In The Loop (2009) · 53 quotes
In The Loop (2009) · 53 quotes
Tied for 3rd most-quoted character in In The Loop (2009): in 9 of its 53 quotes
Most scenes with: Simon Foster (5), Malcolm Tucker (4)
It's a bit manic, it's not like Agriculture. People rarely get this swear-y about wheat.
More lines from Toby Wright
1 quote Toby Wright Scenes with Toby Wright
7 scenes
Toby Wright Umm... Eff off?
You'll go far! Now **** off.
Toby Wright Right. [leaves the room]
Judy and I were thinking that I could row back on Question Time tonight—
You're not going on Question Time, you've been disinvited.
We've been prepping Question Time!
Why wasn't I told about this?
Why the **** would I tell you it?! I've told you to **** off twice, and yet you're still here!
You should tell me about it because it's a scheduled media appearance by this department's secretary of state, so therefore it falls well within my purview!
"Within your purview"?
Yes!
Where do you think you are, in some **** regency costume drama?! This is a government department! Not a **** Jane **** Austen novel!
Malcolm...
Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your "purview" and ram it up the shitter with a lubricated horse-****!
Your swearing does not impress me. My husband works for Tower Hamlets and believe me, those kids make you sound like... Angela Lansbury!
I don't want to have to read you the Riot Act here. But I am going to have to read you some extracts from the Riot Act. Like "Section 1, Paragraph 1: Don't leave your boss twisting in the wind, then burst in late, smelling like a pissed seaside donkey." [impersonating Toby] "The British are coming!"
Toby Wright Okay, okay, Simon, I was late for the meeting. I am sorry. But it's not like I threw up in there, is it?
No, you're right. I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done. You're a star. And you didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your dick out, start plucking it and shouting "Willy Banjo!" No, I'm being really unfair. You got so much right... without actually being there for the beginning of one of the most important moments in my career. Thanks. You're a legend.
I've got this covered. Go and find the next thing, talk to that Chad boy. The boy from The Shining. He knows things.
Toby Wright Don't make me pump Chad!
I am making you pump Chad. Go on, it'll be easy-peasy-lemon-squeazy.
Toby Wright No it won't, it'll be difficult-difficult-lemon-difficult, that's what it'll be. (leaving the room) Have a lovely afternoon. Stop a war for me.
Toby Wright [Looking at the Washington Monument]
See that? Pull that out, America deflates.
Yeah, it's very easy to mock. The closest you'll ever get to seeing one of those is buying **** Toblerone.
[reading a newspaper]
"While Foster jets around at the taxpayer's expense, his constituent's wall is collapsing and he doesn't give a shit!"
It doesn't say that.
No, but it does say "Wall-ace and Gromit"!
Wall-Ace, though!
You're being portrayed as the biggest twat in Northamptonshire, and that's going, son! I've got bigger fish to fry, believe me. I'm giving this to someone else. [shouts outside his office] Jamie!
Ah, the crossest man in Scotland.
What is this? Surround bollocking?
Hey, with all due respect I wasn't finished. If it isn't Humpty Numpty, sitting on top of a collapsing wall like some clueless... egg ****. Now I'm finished.
Hi, Jamie! This is Toby!
Toby Wright Hi, I'm Simon's aide.
Toby, very nice to meet you, please, sit down. Right, that's enough all the **** Oxbridge pleasantries!
Toby Wright What's Oxbridge about saying hello?
SHUT IT, Love Actually! Do you want me to hole-punch your face?!
Right, I'm off to deal with the fate of the planet. Be gentle with them!
You know me, Malc, kid gloves, but made from real kids.
Haha. [leaves.]
Right. Butch and Gaydance, this wall story is playing badly, there's a cartoon in here of you as a walrus!
A walrus? I'm not fat, I don't even have a moustache. ****, they've given me tusks!
Wall-rus? Do you get it? Wall-rus. Wall-rus.
Toby Wright Look, we called some builders, they didn't turn up when they said they would—
What did you expect?! THEY'RE BUILDERS! Have you ever seen a film where the hero is a builder? No! BECAUSE THEY NEVER **** TURN UP IN THE NICK OF TIME! Bat-builder?! Spider-builder?! Huh?! That's why you never see a superhero with a hod!
I know it was you who leaked Linton's war committee.
Toby Wright Oh, right... it wasn't?
"It wasn't?" That's what you're going to say when they come and slip a hood over your head and fly you off to Diego Garcia and carry out a cavity search?
Toby Wright I don't actually recall. It was a very busy time.
That's better. Okay, I am putting you on a probationary period from today until the end of recorded time.
Toby Wright All right.
Do you understand?
Toby Wright Yes—
You're my guy now, right? I own you, you are my Kunta Kinte— go and get your **** laptop!
Toby Wright Jolly good. "That's that, then" is your line for the ages, is it?
What?
Toby Wright Well... "I remember the day that war was declared. I turned to the minister and he said 'That's that, then. Anyone want a mint?'"
Piss off, Toby.
