N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Malcolm Tucker: [reading a newspaper] "While Foster jets around at the taxpayer's expense, his constituent's wall is collapsing and he doesn't give a shit!"
Simon Foster: It doesn't say that.
Malcolm Tucker: No, but it does say "Wall-ace and Gromit"!
Simon Foster: Wall-Ace, though!
Malcolm Tucker: You're being portrayed as the biggest twat in Northamptonshire, and that's going, son! I've got bigger fish to fry, believe me. I'm giving this to someone else. [shouts outside his office] Jamie!
Simon Foster: Ah, the crossest man in Scotland.
Jamie MacDonald: [enters the office] Well, if it isn't Humpty Numpty!
Simon Foster: What is this? Surround bollocking?
Jamie MacDonald: Hey, with all due respect I wasn't finished. If it isn't Humpty Numpty, sitting on top of a collapsing wall like some clueless... egg ****. Now I'm finished.
Simon Foster: Hi, Jamie! This is Toby!
Toby Wright: Hi, I'm Simon's aide.
Jamie MacDonald: Toby, very nice to meet you, please, sit down. Right, that's enough all the ****ing Oxbridge pleasantries!
Toby Wright: What's Oxbridge about saying hello?
Jamie MacDonald: SHUT IT, Love Actually! Do you want me to hole-punch your face?!
Malcolm Tucker: Right, I'm off to deal with the fate of the planet. Be gentle with them!
Jamie MacDonald: You know me, Malc, kid gloves, but made from real kids.
Malcolm Tucker: Haha. [leaves.]
Jamie MacDonald: Right. Butch and Gaydance, this wall story is playing badly, there's a cartoon in here of you as a walrus!
Simon Foster: A walrus? I'm not fat, I don't even have a moustache. ****, they've given me tusks!
Jamie MacDonald: Wall-rus? Do you get it? Wall-rus. Wall-rus.
Toby Wright: Look, we called some builders, they didn't turn up when they said they would—
Jamie MacDonald: What did you expect?! THEY'RE BUILDERS! Have you ever seen a film where the hero is a builder? No! BECAUSE THEY NEVER ****ING TURN UP IN THE NICK OF TIME! Bat-builder?! Spider-builder?! Huh?! That's why you never see a superhero with a hod!

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