"Climb the mountain of conflict"? You know what you sounded like? You sounded like a **** Nazi Julie Andrews!
Malcolm Tucker
Peter Capaldi · 28 quotes
Simon Foster
Tom Hollander · 17 quotes
Jamie MacDonald
9 quotes
Toby Wright
Chris Addison · 9 quotes
Judy Molloy
Gina McKee · 8 quotes
General Miller
James Gandolfini · 5 quotes
Karen Clark
Mimi Kennedy · 3 quotes
Linton Barwick
David Rasche · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Malcolm Tucker & Simon Foster (9), Simon Foster & Toby Wright (5), Malcolm Tucker & Toby Wright (4)
In The Loop quotes
Page 1 of 4
Chad You couldn't write a paper that clashes more with the current climate if you were trying. And it seems like you almost were trying.
This is the problem with civilians wanting to go to war. Once you've been there, once you've seen it, you never want to go again unless you absolutely **** have to. [pause] It's like France.
I'll- I'll just leave you to your... thoughts.
I haven't got any thoughts! I'm just staring, vacantly into space, while a distant voice in the back of my head goes, "Oh shit," like a car alarm in the middle of the night.
I am gonna tear this place apart! You wouldn't believe an inanimate room can scream, but it will! There will be plaster!
I went to see that film There Will Be Blood, right? I mean it's a **** great title. If somebody says to you, "Do you fancy going to see a film?" "Well, I don't know, will there be blood?" There Will Be Blood, right? "I'm in, I'm in!" I mean that is a **** great title for a film. I mean you couldn't have a better title for a film. Apart from, maybe, There Will Be Tits. You could have a cinema that just shows There Will Be Blood and There Will Be Tits, you don't need any other films! That's the end of cinema right there!
Is this **** going anywhere?
Yeah, yeah, I went see There Will Be Blood, and there wasn't any **** blood!
There was some blood!
Och, there was hardly any **** blood.
Okay, shits! Put your knickers on! It's the IT Sweeney! We've come to strip-search your computers, haven't we... oh, fat man whose name I've forgotten?
Alan
Yes...
It's only intelligence we're after, so we might be here for a while. [sees Judy] OH, LOOK EVERYBODY! IT'S LEAKY WOMAN! You ought to do some **** pelvic floor exercises, darling! I hear you've been pissing intel everywhere!
I have not leaked anything, and I'm not going to be intimidated by some Cro-Magnon Scottish dwarf!
Are we exploring personal boundaries here? You **** stuck up — [answering mobile] Hang on, hang on. Hi, hi. Listen, I'm in the middle of something, can I ring you back? Ta. [hangs up] Where was I? Oh yeah; you **** stuck up, toffee pudding bitch!
[Jamie gets up into Judy's face]
D'you know, I'm quite... aroused... by the idea of giving you a long... hard... disciplinary hearing.
Is that right?
Mmm.
I would absolutely love you to give me a long, hard disciplinary hearing. Because you know what I'd have at the end of it? A big, fat compensation payment. So go ahead. Give me one.
I'd like to give you one.
I'd love you to give me one.
[Jamie, intimidated, walks away]
Okay, uh... ock, fat man whose name I still can't remember. Get on there.
Alan
It's Alan...
What is this, a **** speed date? Just get on it, piggy!
Mark, you're coordinating the millennium goals on the press release, aren't you?
Mark
Yes.
Coordinate it better, please.
I e-mailed my resignation five minutes ago. And yours should come pretty soon, for the biggest media impact.
I've been thinking.
Yeah?
This has been the hardest political decision of my career. I'm not going to resign.
Huh? What the ****, George?
Before the war, I was going to resign. But now that there's a war on... I can't resign.
You said that this was intolerable. You said we would go together.
It is intolerable, but I'm going to have to tolerate it. And I still agree with myself on that. But my loyalty is to the kids—I am a soldier.
You're not a soldier.
...I've been a soldier my whole life! What do you mean I'm not a solider? I'm a soldier! Look at the uniform—what do you think, I'm one of the Village people?
When did you shoot a guy last?
What, just because I haven't shot someone in fifteen years I'm not a soldier? You know, the Army doesn't make you drag some bullet-ridden, bloody corpse into the Pentagon every five years to renew you "soldier's licence"!
It's unnecessary!
So what?!
And if you were a good general, you'd have some balls!
Look, shut up about my balls. My balls have been around, you have no idea where my balls have been!
I can talk about your balls all I want, 'cause I remember when—
Oh, I **** you once twenty years ago AND I NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT! EVERY TIME WE'RE TOGETHER I'VE GOTTA TO LISTEN TO THIS SHIT! I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IT!
Come on, Chad. We have to draft resignation announcements.
Chad Actually, Miss Clark, I think I might stay with the General, if that's okay. If he's staying I might stay with him, see what assistance I can furnish.
Okay... General Shrek and his faithful talking donkey.
Chad Well, I just want to let you know, sir, that I think you've got... big balls, it's like... two-thirds of a snowman.
Dear God.
So you read Liza's paper I guess.
I am a voracious reader. I'm the Gore Vidal of the Pentagon.
Gore's gay.
No he's not.
I beg to differ but...
He's gay? 'Cause I've been saying that Gore Vidal line.
He is gay.
Guess I'd better stop saying that then.
My golly, I can't see why anyone would choose to work in a glass office, huh? Glass offices, in my opinion, are for perverts.
Bob Adriano I could request the glass be frosted.
Frosting is on cakes, huh? Now, what else happened in London?
Bob Adriano Ah, generally positive, two glitches...
Really? What?
Bob Adriano Karen flagged a report by one of her staffers, she's obviously trying to use it as some kind of roadblock. It's called PWIP PIP.
PWIP what?
Bob Adriano PWIP PIP.
What is it, a report on bird calls? What does it even stand for?
Bob Adriano I can't recall. It's factish—intel for and against intervention.
We have all the facts on this we need, we don't need anymore facts. In the land of truth, my friend... the man with one fact is the king.
So, welcome to the somewhat engorged session of the Future Planning Committee.
Yes, Assistant Secretary, on point six, it feels it feels like there's already been an assumption that we're invading. Don't you think that we should discuss the practical implications? I mean, this is, after all, the war committee.
Uh, this is the Future Planning Committee.
Well, unofficially, it is called the war committee.
Well, Karen, unofficially, we can call anything whatever we want. (holds up a glass of water) I mean, unofficially, this is a shoe, but it's not, Karen, it is a glass of water. And this is the Future Planning Committee.
Are you **** me about?
I've just come from a briefing with a nine year old child.
Oh, you're talking about A.J. He's one of our top guys. He's one of our brightest and best.
Yeah, well his briefing notes were written in Alphabetti Spaghetti. When I left I nearly tripped over his **** umbilical cord.
Well I'm sorry that it troubles you that our people achieve excellence at such an early age. But can we just move on to what's really important? Now I understand that your Prime Minister has asked you to supply us with some, let's say "fresh", British Intelligence, is that true?
Yeah, apparently your **** master race of highly-gifted toddlers can't get the job done...
All right.
...between breast feeds and playing with their Power Rangers, so an actual grown-up has been asked to **** bail you out.
[On mobile to Judy]
Where's the War Committee? I thought I was going to the War Committee.
Simon's going to the War Committee, I thought you were doing your one-to-one.
Just tell me where the **** it's happening.
The State Department, seventh floor. Malcolm, do you like how I'm telling you what's going on where you are?
Let me tell you what's going on where you are, sweetheart. A certain vinegar-faced manipulative cowbag is about to discover she's out of a **** [Judy hangs up] job. **** hang up, haven't you, you **** hoity-toity ****—
Passer-by
Hey, buddy, enough with the curse words, all right?
Kiss my sweaty balls, you fat ****!