Hancock quotes from Hancock (2008)

Hancock

Do I look like I care what people think?
Statement to Ray Embrey who is trying to convince him he needs his help as a public relations manager (this appears in the trailers only, not in the theatrical release of the movie).

Hancock

What you want? A cookie? Get the hell out of my face.
Statement to a young boy who wakes him from a drunken sleep to tell him there is a crime going on.

Hancock

All you people blocking the intersection...you're all idiots.
Statement to the people at the train tracks.

Hancock

Cause I been drinkin', bitch!
Statement to a woman who complains that Hancock smells like liquor.

Hancock

Call me an asshole, one more time.
Statement made to a small boy who is calling him an asshole, and later to a hostage taker.

Hancock

If you don't move — your head is going up his ass.
Statement to convicts blocking his path while he is in prison.

Hancock

You're going to change the world. Good job, Ray.

Hancock

If you don't give yourself up quietly, I swear to CHRIST, your head is going up the driver's ass, your head is going up his ass, and you, you drew the short straw cause you, your head's going up MY ass.
To three men in a car who have been shooting at police.

Hancock

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!! I HATE TO BURST YOUR CRAZY LADY BUBBLE, BUT IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN ALL THAT GREAT, 'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER YOU!

Hancock

You better not hit me with that truck!

Hancock

You gotta wonder though, what kind of bastard must I have been.....that nobody was there to claim me? I mean, I'm no, I'm not the most charming guy on the world so I've been told, but nobody?

Hancock

I apologize to the people of Los Angeles. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow Angelinos for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me. After all, I am the only one of my kind. During my incarceration, I will be participating in alcohol and anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better.

That woman could have been killed, she should sue you!

Yeah!

Hancock

Okay, well you should sue McDonald's 'cause they **** you up.

And I can smell that liquor in your breath!

Hancock

'Cause I been drinkin', bitch!

Hancock

That's a good meatball, boy.

Mary

Aaron.

Hancock

Momma's callin you.

Mary

No, his name's Aaron.

Ray

Stop pretending that you do not care! You have a calling. You're a hero, Hancock. You're going to be miserable the rest of your life until you accept that. Trust me. Trust this plan, this process — you're staying here. When they call, a hero is what we're going to give them.

Hancock

How we going to do that, Ray?

Hancock

You and I...

Mary

You and I what?

Hancock

We're the same.

Mary

No. I'm stronger.

Hancock

Really?

Mary

Oh, yeah.

Hancock

Who are we?

Mary

Gods. Angels. Different cultures call us by different names. Now all of a sudden it's "superhero."

Hancock

Are there more of us?

Mary

There were. They all died. It's just the two of us.

Mary

I've lived for a very long time with Ray, and the one thing I learned — fate doesn't decide everything. People get to choose.

Hancock

And you chose to let me think I was here alone.

Mary

I didn't think you'd miss what you didn't remember.

Mary

We're becoming mortal. It's us, being close to each other. It never happened this fast before. You have to leave. The further you get from me, the better you're going to feel. You'll start getting your powers back — and be flying and breaking things and saving people before you know it. It's like I said. We were built in pairs, and when we get close to our opposites, we lose our power.

Hancock

Why?

Mary

So we can live human lives. Love. Connect. Grow old. Die.

Hancock

You better get outta my way, 'cause if you don't, your head's goin' up his a$. You sure you wanna ride this train?

Choo-choo, a–––le.

Ray

What do you think when you see this?

Hancock

Homo.

Ray

And this?

Hancock

Homo in red.

Ray

And this?

Hancock

Norwegian homo.

Ray

I'll give you that.

Hancock

Do I have permission to touch your body?

Female Cop

Yes!

Hancock

Alright... this is not sexual. Not that you're not an attractive woman. You're actually a very attractive woman...

Female Cop

Get me the hell out of here!

Ray Embrey

I put some stuff up on YouTube. Everybody remembers Walter the great whale. He was stuck on the beach. Along comes Hancock.

Hancock

I don't even remember that.

Ray Embrey

Yes, well... Greenpeace does. Walter does.

Mary

You stay away from me and my family. You are not gonna do this to me again!

Hancock

What? I don't know what you're talking about.

Mary

It can't work. It always ends the same way. PERSIA! GREECE! BROOKLYN!

Hancock

Brooklyn?! I've never been to Brooklyn!

Mary

I HAVE PUT UP WITH YOUR BULLSHIT, AND I AM DONE!!!!

Hancock

I don't know what you're talking about.

Mary

DONE!! YOU LISTENING!?!?!

Hancock

I don't know what you're talking about!

Mary

I AM HAPPY, OKAY?! FINALLY, I AM HAPPY!!! YOU'RE NOT GONNA MESS WITH THAT!!!!!!

Hancock

LOOK AT ME!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!!! I HATE TO BURST YOUR LITTLE CRAZY LADY BUBBLE, BUT IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN ALL THAT GREAT, 'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER YOU!!!!!!

Mary

Call me crazy one more time.

Hancock

Cuckoo!