Mr. Jones "Don't nobody go into the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes."
Played by John Witherspoon 
Friday (1995) · 27 quotes
Friday (1995) · 27 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Friday (1995): in 11 of its 27 quotes
Most scenes with: Smokey (4), Craig (3)
"That was stupid! How the hell did you go and get fired on your day off?"
More lines from Mr. Jones
2 quotes Mr. Jones Mr. Jones [While watching a movie]
"That's yo' asssss, Mr. Postman."
Scenes with Mr. Jones
8 scenes Mr Jones Craig!
What?
Mr Jones Come in here!
[Craig enters bathroom, Mr Jones is spraying air freshener]
Aw man, I'll wait until you come out.
Mr Jones Boy, bring yo ass up in here! What you talkin 'bout, you 'wait til I come out'? I smelt yo shit for 22 years...now you can smell mine for 5 minutes.
...Urgh! [plop]
Mr Jones Now your mama told me what happened to you yesterday.
...Wha?...
Mr Jones That was stupid! ...How the hell you gonna get fired...on your day off?!
I don't know.
...Urrrgh! [plop]
Mr Jones Well, you need a trade. Look at that there, over there on the C-C-...urrrgh!...on the counter there. Ughh.
...I ain't tryna be no dog-catcher!
Mr Jones Why not?
I don't even like dogs.
Mr Jones That's the beauty of it! I-I grab a dog...and...I-I choke him, and I-I...kick the shit out of him! All day long - my foot up a dog's ass! Yes, BANG BANG BANG up his ass! ...That's my plea-sure!
...No thanks.
Mr Jones Well, I'll tell you one thing. Round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month - the rent is due. If you ain't got nothin on the table, you ain't gotta worry about catchin a dog. You gotta worry about a dog...catchin YOUR ass!
Mr. Jones [Craig's father catches him with a handgun]
What's that for?
Protection.
Mr. Jones Protection from who?
Me and Smoke... I've got to walk Smokey down to his house.
Mr. Jones Aw, man... your mother and I never would've moved to this neighborhood if we'd known you need a gun to walk down the damn street.
You know how it is 'round here.
Mr. Jones Oh, no, son. That's not the way it is. You kids have been nothin' but punks. Sissified. So quick to pick up a gun. Too scared to take an ass-whipping. [Raises his fists] This is what makes you a man. When I was growing up, this was all the protection we needed. You win some, you lose some. But you live, you live to fight another day! Now you think you're a man with a gun in your hands, don't you?
I'm a man without it.
Mr. Jones Put the gun down.
Mr. Jones [Craig complies]
C'mon, put up your dukes.
Mr. Jones [Craig raises his fists]
Now you're a man. Your uncle picked up a gun, too. He found out the hard way. Twenty-two years old. You've got a choice. This is all you need, alright?
Craig and Smokey [after seeing Big Worm's crew's van]
Oh shit!
Mrs. Jones Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game. (winks at Dana, who laughs at him)
Craig Jones
What you know about game? I got all the game.
Mrs. Jones Now your father, he got game.
Mr. Jones (coming out of the bathroom)
Don't nobody go in that bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. (sniffs around) Someone open a window.
Craig Jones
You call that game?
Pastor Clever [upon seeing Smokey rolling a joint]
'Scuse me brother. What we call drugs at 74th street Baptist church, we call a sinny-sin-sin.
Well 'round here, between Normandine and the Western, we call this here a little twenty-twen-twen!
Well..
****aaa!
Pastor Clever Why don't you give me a bit for my cataracts?
You didn't put in on this, man.
Pastor Clever It's better to give than receive, my brother.
Craig Jones
[points across the street to Mrs. Parker]
Look, look, she's bendin' over!
Pastor Clever Lord have mercy! The Lord is my shepherd, He know what I want! Excuse me, brothers. (running across the street) Mrs. Parker! Mrs. Parker!
Told you. The weed be lettin' you know, [he holds up a pack of marajuana] where evil lurks.
Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Craig Jones
Man, it's "the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice".
Yeah, well, yeah, she blacker than a mother****er, too.
(after hallucinating about seeing Big Worm's head in the cabinet while fetching sugar for Kool-Aid, Craig quickly shuts the cabinet door, then opens it again, and the head disappears, but Craig does not see any sugar in the cabinet. He closes the door.)
Craig Jones
(frustrated)
Damn.
What?
Craig Jones
I ain't got no sugar.
You ain't got no sugar? Da-amn! Y'all ain't never got two things that match! Y'all got Kool-Aid, no sugar; peanut butter, no jelly; ham, no burger. Damn!
(Craig asks Smokey what they are going to do to pay back Big Worm)
Man, that fool just playin' man. I ain't trippin'.
Craig Jones
That's your problem. Ain't nobody playin' but you. You walk up and down the street all day playin'. He ain't playin'! You think he playin' 'bout his money?! Then you went and dragged me into this! He know where my mama stay, know where your mama stay. You say he had a gun when you seen him, right?
Yeah.
Craig Jones
Well, name one person in the hood that play like that.
Craig Jones
Baby, you got some money?
Joi What? Some huh? ****, how much you need?
Craig Jones
About $200.
Joi Mmm, I guess so. What you gon' give me?
Felisha Craig. Craig.
Craig Jones
What?
Felisha Can I borrow your VCR? I need to dub a tape.
Craig Jones
Hell, no!
Felicia
It's "The Mack!" (stays in place watching Craig talk to Joi)
Joi Uh-uh, wait a minute! Who the **** is that bitch? **** you, mother****er! You think you slick! Gon' come over here and ask me for some money? Well, ask that bitch for some money!
[furiously drives away]
