"Don't nobody go into the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes."
Friday quotes
Page 1 of 2"That was stupid! How the hell did you go and get fired on your day off?"
Craig Jones
Baby, you got some money?
Joi What? Some huh? ****, how much you need?
Craig Jones
About $200.
Joi Mmm, I guess so. What you gon' give me?
Felisha Craig. Craig.
Craig Jones
What?
Felisha Can I borrow your VCR? I need to dub a tape.
Craig Jones
Hell, no!
Felicia
It's "The Mack!" (stays in place watching Craig talk to Joi)
Joi Uh-uh, wait a minute! Who the **** is that bitch? **** you, mother****er! You think you slick! Gon' come over here and ask me for some money? Well, ask that bitch for some money!
[furiously drives away]
Elderly Jehovah's Witness
[After Craig slams the door on her]
Well, **** you! Half-dead mother****er.
[Feigning a fall in a convenience shop]
"Ohhh...I'm suing y'all! Ohh, I'm hurt...ohh my neck! My back! My neck and my back! Ohh...I want a hundred and fifty THOUSAND! But we can settle out of court right now, for twenty bucks."
Clerk
Get your punk ass up. It ain't even wet over here. Damn!
Craig!
What?
Come in here!
[Craig enters bathroom, Mr Jones is spraying air freshener]
Aw man, I'll wait until you come out.
Boy, bring yo ass up in here! What you talkin 'bout, you 'wait til I come out'? I smelt yo shit for 22 years...now you can smell mine for 5 minutes.
...Urgh! [plop]
Now your mama told me what happened to you yesterday.
...Wha?...
That was stupid! ...How the hell you gonna get fired...on your day off?!
I don't know.
...Urrrgh! [plop]
Well, you need a trade. Look at that there, over there on the C-C-...urrrgh!...on the counter there. Ughh.
...I ain't tryna be no dog-catcher!
Why not?
I don't even like dogs.
That's the beauty of it! I-I grab a dog...and...I-I choke him, and I-I...kick the shit out of him! All day long - my foot up a dog's ass! Yes, BANG BANG BANG up his ass! ...That's my plea-sure!
...No thanks.
Well, I'll tell you one thing. Round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month - the rent is due. If you ain't got nothin on the table, you ain't gotta worry about catchin a dog. You gotta worry about a dog...catchin YOUR ass!
Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game. (winks at Dana, who laughs at him)
Craig Jones
What you know about game? I got all the game.
Now your father, he got game.
(coming out of the bathroom)
Don't nobody go in that bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. (sniffs around) Someone open a window.
Craig Jones
You call that game?
Pastor Clever [upon seeing Smokey rolling a joint]
'Scuse me brother. What we call drugs at 74th street Baptist church, we call a sinny-sin-sin.
Well 'round here, between Normandine and the Western, we call this here a little twenty-twen-twen!
Well..
****aaa!
Pastor Clever Why don't you give me a bit for my cataracts?
You didn't put in on this, man.
Pastor Clever It's better to give than receive, my brother.
Craig Jones
[points across the street to Mrs. Parker]
Look, look, she's bendin' over!
Pastor Clever Lord have mercy! The Lord is my shepherd, He know what I want! Excuse me, brothers. (running across the street) Mrs. Parker! Mrs. Parker!
Told you. The weed be lettin' you know, [he holds up a pack of marajuana] where evil lurks.
Man! Why ain't ya'll help me?!
Shit, I'm high
If that were ya'll I would'a helped ya'll!
What 'bout the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?!
Yea?!
Man, why y'all didn't help me?!
Man, I'm high.
Man, that's **** up! If that were y'all, I woulda helped y'all.
What 'bout the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?
Yeah?
'Sup, man?
Wassup.
Why ain't you at work?
I got fired yesterday.
Fo' real?! I thought you had the day off yesterday.
I did. Went in there pick up my check. Came home. Supervisor called me about 4 o'clock. Talking about they got me on video tape stealing boxes.
The **** you doin' stealin' boxes for? What, you trying to build a clubhouse? Man, I know you didn't go out like that.
Hell, no, ain't got me on tape. But they said they did. Fired me on the spot. Talkin' about pressin' charges.
Goddamn! You've got to be a stupid mother****er to get fired on your day off.
Look what you did to my curtain! You better watch whose window you be sneaking in before you get blasted on.
With what? You ain't got nothing, man!
Man, where'd you get that from?
Your mama.
**** you.
**** you.
Come on outside, man, and stop playing.
Hurry up.
Don't tell me to hurry up.
[Running over to the knocked out Deebo]
You got knocked the **** out, man! [searching Deebo's pockets and takes the money from his shirt pocket] Give me my goddamn money. [raising the money to a knocked out Deebo's face] Payback is a mother****er, ain't it, ****?
[Smokey runs off and Mr. Jones is briefly seen imitating Craig's trouncing of Deebo, much to Dana's embarrassment. Deebo is about to come to until Red shows up and knocks him out cold again.] [Removing the silver necklace off Deebo's neck]
My grandmother gave me this chain.
[Red leaves as Ezal shows up]
Deebo! Deebo! Man, you should've been bobbin and weavin'. Look at ya'. Get up! [He takes Deebo's sneakers and struggles for a bit before successfully removing them] Since you ain't, maybe I'll take these shoes! [He leaves the knife on top Deebo's chest] Big foot, mother****er. You can have your knife too. Cause I steal, I don't kill.
[Ezal leaves with Deebo's shoes as Red rides off into the night with his reclaimed necklace and bike.]
Break Yourself, fool.
Man, look what you did to my curtain. You better watch whose window you be sneaking in before you get smoked.
With what? You ain't got nothing.
Whoa, man. Where did you get that from?
Yo Mama!
**** You!
**** you.
I won! Gimme my money!
Deebo You what?
I lost.
Deebo Roll the dice.
Deebo.
Deebo (hands his money for another player to hold on to)
Hold my money. Watch.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Ohh, shit!
[Deebo stand up and look at Red walk slowly toward him]
Pop's trippin', man. Move yo' ass from my bike back. You know I wouldn't trip.
Deebo What bike?
The beach cruiser, the one I let you use a couple o' weeks ago. The one I've been askin' you about.
Deebo Ohh, that bike... Hey, I know that you wanted it back, homie. It's right here...
Let's just say it's both ours, down at my house and prove it.
Deebo Cool.
Deebo [Red hits the ground]
THAT'S MY BIKE, PUNK!
Goddamn! (laughs as he runs to the downed Red) You got knocked the **** out! (laughs again)
Deebo [Red's dad got out his car to check his son]
OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS TOO, OLD MAN?! HUH?!
Red's dad: No! (to Red) Get off yo' ass an' get in this car! Why, I dunno... why you come down here messing with these people. Hurry up!
[Red and his dad get back to their car]