N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #


Friday quotes

12 total quotes

Mr. Jones

View Quote "Don't nobody go into the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes."
View Quote "That was stupid! How the hell did you go and get fired on your day off?"
View Quote Elderly Jehovah's Witness: [After Craig slams the door on her] Well, **** you! Half-dead mother****er.
View Quote Ezal: [Feigning a fall in a convenience shop] "Ohhh...I'm suing y'all! Ohh, I'm hurt...ohh my neck! My back! My neck and my back! Ohh...I want a hundred and fifty THOUSAND! But we can settle out of court right now, for twenty bucks."
Clerk: Get your punk ass up. It ain't even wet over here. Damn!
View Quote Mr Jones: Craig!
Craig: What?
Mr Jones: Come in here!
[Craig enters bathroom, Mr Jones is spraying air freshener] Craig: Aw man, I'll wait until you come out.
Mr Jones: Boy, bring yo ass up in here! What you talkin 'bout, you 'wait til I come out'? I smelt yo shit for 22 you can smell mine for 5 minutes.
...Urgh! [plop] Mr Jones: Now your mama told me what happened to you yesterday.
Craig: ...Wha?...
Mr Jones: That was stupid! ...How the hell you gonna get fired...on your day off?!
Craig: I don't know.
...Urrrgh! [plop] Mr Jones: Well, you need a trade. Look at that there, over there on the C-C-...urrrgh!...on the counter there. Ughh.
Craig: ...I ain't tryna be no dog-catcher!
Mr Jones: Why not?
Craig: I don't even like dogs.
Mr Jones: That's the beauty of it! I-I grab a dog...and...I-I choke him, and I-I...kick the shit out of him! All day long - my foot up a dog's ass! Yes, BANG BANG BANG up his ass! ...That's my plea-sure!
Craig: ...No thanks.
Mr Jones: Well, I'll tell you one thing. Round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month - the rent is due. If you ain't got nothin on the table, you ain't gotta worry about catchin a dog. You gotta worry about a dog...catchin YOUR ass!
View Quote Red: Man! Why ain't ya'll help me?!
Smokey: Shit, I'm high
Red: If that were ya'll I would'a helped ya'll!
Craig: What 'bout the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?!
Smokey: Yea?!
Red: [thinks about it for a second] Oh that was different.
View Quote Smokey: Break Yourself, fool.
Craig: Man, look what you did to my curtain. You better watch whose window you be sneaking in before you get smoked.
Smokey: With what? You ain't got nothing.
Craig: (pulls out a gun and sticks it in Smokey's face) With this.
Smokey: Whoa, man. Where did you get that from?
Craig: Yo Mama!
Smokey: **** You!
Craig: **** you.
View Quote Smokey: Thought you had the day off yesterday?
Craig: I did. Boss called me around 3 o clock. Said they got me on tape stealing boxes.
Smokey: ...The **** you doin' stealin boxes for?! What you tryna do, build a clubhouse?
Craig: Hell, no, they ain't got me on tape! But the boss said he did...fired me on the spot.
Smokey: Damn! You've got to be one stupid mother-****er to get fired on your day off!
View Quote [Craig's father catches him with a handgun]
Mr. Jones: What's that for?
Craig: Protection.
Mr. Jones: Protection from who?
Craig: Me and Smoke... I've got to walk Smokey down to his house.
Mr. Jones: Aw, man... your mother and I never would've moved to this neighborhood if we'd known you need a gun to walk down the damn street.
Craig: You know how it is 'round here.
Mr. Jones: Oh, no, son. That's not the way it is. You kids have been nothin' but punks. Sissified. So quick to pick up a gun. Too scared to take an ass-whipping. [Raises his fists] This is what makes you a man. When I was growing up, this was all the protection we needed. You win some, you lose some. But you live, you live to fight another day! Now you think you're a man with a gun in your hands, don't you?
Craig: I'm a man without it.
Mr. Jones: Put the gun down.
[Craig complies]
Mr. Jones: C'mon, put up your dukes.
[Craig raises his fists]
Mr. Jones: Now you're a man. Your uncle picked up a gun, too. He found out the hard way. Twenty-two years old. You've got a choice. This is all you need, alright?
Craig and Smokey [after seeing Big Worm's crew's van]: Oh shit!
View Quote [Opening lines] "Listen, I know you don't smoke weed...I know this. But I'ma get you high today. 'Cause it's ain't got no job...and you ain't got shit to do!"
View Quote [Repeated line] "You got knock the **** out!"
View Quote [While watching a movie] "That's yo' asssss, Mr. Postman."