Brenda
Don't shame me in the synagogue.
Played by Michele Brilliant 
The First Wives Club (1996) · 25 quotes
The First Wives Club (1996) · 25 quotes
Most-quoted character in The First Wives Club (1996): in 12 of its 25 quotes
Most scenes with: Elise (5), Annie (4)
Wake up, Morty! Time to smell the audit!
More lines from Brenda
4 quotes
Brenda
What's the matter, Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?
Brenda
You know, I wonder how drunk Cynthia was when she decided to do a jack knife off of Park Avenue.
Brenda
(upon seeing a slinky dress)
Now, I ask you, Duarto, who's supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It's a conspiracy, I know it is! I've had enough. I'm leading a protest. I'm not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!
Scenes with Brenda
7 scenes
Brenda
OK Elise, the time has come, spill. Those lips, what's in 'em. Are they wax?
Excuse me?
Brenda
What else did you have done? Come on Elise you can tell me. The cheek one, the jaw line. Did you have a little bit, or the full enchilada!
I work out every day. I watch my diet. I have not had plastic surgery.
Well good for you, you look terrific.
Brenda
Oh come on. Elise your lying through your caps.
Ok. All right, I have been freshened up a little.
Brenda
What do they do with the stuff they take off? Do you get to keep it?
Oh come on Brenda, it's the nineties for god's sake. (Picks up cigarette and lights it) I mean it's like... Plastic surgery is like good grooming, it's like brushing your teeth.
You wouldn't understand, you're civilians!
Brenda
That's it. (infuriated) I understand. (she grabs the bottle from Elise)
Hey... give that back...
Brenda
I'm saying this to you with love, compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood: you are full of SHIT!
What?
Brenda
(pouring the alcohol down the sink)
So okay, alimony sucks! Okay, you didn't get to play a policewoman in a Wonder bra! But look at you! You grew up gorgeous, and thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts, you still haven't hit puberty! And once upon a time, you were a great actress, you've even got an Oscar to prove it! You've spent your whole life with people sucking up to you, but I'm sure Annie will agree with me when I say your perception of life is somewhat altered!
You've got some nerve! I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person!
Brenda
No, that's why your co-stars drink!
I am not a DRUNK!
Brenda
Oh really? Let's examine the evidence! Look! All bottles! And gallon jugs!
I had GUESTS.
Brenda
Who, Guns N' Roses?!
You didn't invite me to your son's bar mitzvah!
Brenda
You wouldn't have come!
Yeah, it was in Hebrew...
Brenda
Oh, SHUT UP!
Brenda
(gasps loudly)
What?
Brenda
He brought her to our son's bar mitzvah?
Is she a gift?
Uncle Carmine Permission to speak freely, Brenda?
Brenda
Oh yea, Annie's cool.
Uncle Carmine Morty is garbage. You gave him the best years of your life, and he pushes you aside for a younger model. It would be an honor for us to take him out.
You think just because I'm a movie star, I don't have feelings, well, you're wrong! I do have feelings! I'm an actress! I have ALL of them!
Brenda
(putting on a meek voice)
Well, I wouldn't understand. You see I'm just a poor little housewife, in a little apron, with a little child to raise!
Yeah, well, you were always jealous of me, even in college, because I was blonde and beautiful and talented, and I could have any guy I wanted!
Brenda
And did! Every guy! Most of the senior class and half the faculty!
Well! It was the Sixties!
Brenda
(scornful)
Look at this place! Is this where your fanclub meets? Do you have ritual sacrifices?!
Put that down! Put that down! I won that!
Brenda
I remember! Your first talkie!
Yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? Best Digestion?! (she screams as Brenda throws the statuette) Oh no... Brenda, this is a Golden Globe! It's sacred! It's... TRADEMARKED!! (Elise throws the statue at Brenda and smashes the wall mirror)
Brenda
(frightened, she barks)
"Are you CRAZY!?"
Annie {as narrator}: Our opening of the Cynthia Swann Memorial Center was a success. Bill broke up with Phoebe, for obvious reasons.
Shelly Got a cigarette?
Bill Certainly. By the way, how old are you?
Annie {as narrator}: Leslie also broke up with Aaron. He begged me to take him back, and I told him to stuff it! But not all relationships have to break up.
Morton May I have this dance?
Brenda
Certainly Morty.
Annie {as narrator}: As for Brenda and Morty, a reconciliation does seem quite likely.
