Roper Look at what we have here! Hey, ladies! Party later tonight at the baseball houses.
BS Bev's Friend
You should be investing this energy elsewhere.
Roper and Finn [together]
Lesbians.
I like the quiet guy in the back seat.
Roper Whoop, there's nothing here.
Jake I can see how that would be threatening, new guy coming in getting all the ladies... That was a joke.
I've got your joke right here.
Did he just call his dick a joke?
[while smoking pot]
It's about finding out who you are. You gotta tune in, man. You guys want to try a little telepathic stuff?
Okay, what am I thinking about?
Jake Cereal.
I was thinking about sharks.
Good point, that's a good point.
Coma I wish I had a tail. That'd be awesome.
Jake I'm starting to have an identity crisis. We danced out of disco, danced to Cotton-Eyed Joe in shitkicker attire, here we are, punks for a night.
You gotta **** embrace your inner strange, man. Just be **** weird, you know?
Jake The gods intend Sisyphus to suffer, right?
Jake [Beverly nods]
Well, my point was that they'd actually blessed him with something to focus on, something that he could potentially find meaning in. It's a gift to be striving at all, even if it looks futile to others. I mean, yeah, it's ridiculous to roll a boulder up a mountain over and over and over again, but so is everything else in life.
Jake What? What's up?
Finn's in his average **** mode. Right now, I guarantee you he's telling those girls about how he has an average ****.
Jake Why the hell would he do that?
See, no, it's genius, actually. See, he tells girls that he has an average ****, and while that might only seem moderately compelling on paper, women find it a relief from all the guys talking about how huge they are.
[to a group of girls]
I'm a performer, all right? I'm a grower, not a shower.
See all that fun, all that laughing?
Jake Yeah, yeah.
They're talking about his dick, man!
Jake ****in' with me.
No...You heard of "foot in the door"?
Jake Of course.
Finn's got his dick in the door.
Jake That's **** genius.
I don't know about this country bar, man.
Wait, wait, wait. What the Charlie Pride are you talking about? We're just gonna do a quick wardrobe change, and we're there.
All right, I gotta say, I hate all this Cotton-Eyed Joe, "Looking for love in all the wrong places." What, Disco Boy now wearing a cowboy hat and boots and shit?
It's unbelievable that's trendy now everywhere!
Jake Does that mean you're not going?
F Finn
I didn't say that.
Jake Hey, have you noticed everything around here's a competition, huh? Even taking hits from bongs.
Look at you, ping-pong pimp.
Jake Yeah! You see that back there though? Mac almost took my head off.
Hey, look, if Mac wanted to take your head off with that paddle, he would have. All right, man, he just don't like losing at anything. None of us do. **** yeah!
Jake Okay, look, that's just, what, Willoughby, borderline insane?
Jake Yeah, border. Borderline.
Well, you notice how everybody was somewhat courteous on the first day or so?
Jake Yeah.
See, now the gloves are off. All of our true assholish nature is emerging. Ah. Not very healthy. Until we get out on the field, Jakie. This, this, all of this, this is why we're one of the best teams in the nation, man. You get a bunch of competitors together...
Jake Yeah.
...and you're addicted to winning. That's a championship team right there...
Jake Oh, I see.
