Dale quotes from Everybody Wants Some!! (2016)

Roper

Look at what we have here! Hey, ladies! Party later tonight at the baseball houses.

You should be investing this energy elsewhere.

Roper and Finn

Lesbians.

Beverly

I like the quiet guy in the back seat.

Roper

Whoop, there's nothing here.

Jake

I can see how that would be threatening, new guy coming in getting all the ladies... That was a joke.

Plummer

I've got your joke right here.

Finn

Did he just call his dick a joke?

Dale

That's what he implied.

Willoughby

It's about finding out who you are. You gotta tune in, man. You guys want to try a little telepathic stuff?

Dale

Let's do it.

Willoughby

Okay, what am I thinking about?

Dale

Baseball

Plummer

Having a tail.

Jake

Cereal.

Willoughby

I was thinking about sharks.

Plummer

Sharks have tails.

Willoughby

Good point, that's a good point.

Coma

I wish I had a tail. That'd be awesome.

Dale

Lookit.

Jake

What? What's up?

Dale

Finn's in his average **** mode. Right now, I guarantee you he's telling those girls about how he has an average ****.

Jake

Why the hell would he do that?

Dale

See, no, it's genius, actually. See, he tells girls that he has an average ****, and while that might only seem moderately compelling on paper, women find it a relief from all the guys talking about how huge they are.

Finn

I'm a performer, all right? I'm a grower, not a shower.

Dale

See all that fun, all that laughing?

Jake

Yeah, yeah.

Dale

They're talking about his dick, man!

Jake

****in' with me.

Dale

No...You heard of "foot in the door"?

Jake

Of course.

Dale

Finn's got his dick in the door.

Jake

That's **** genius.

Dale

Genius. Yes!

Plummer

I don't know about this country bar, man.

Dale

Wait, wait, wait. What the Charlie Pride are you talking about? We're just gonna do a quick wardrobe change, and we're there.

Finnegan

All right, I gotta say, I hate all this Cotton-Eyed Joe, "Looking for love in all the wrong places." What, Disco Boy now wearing a cowboy hat and boots and shit?

Dale

Yeah.

Finnegan

It's unbelievable that's trendy now everywhere!

Jake

Does that mean you're not going?

I didn't say that.