Scott
I'm never drinking again. Coop, wake up.
Cooper
Oh, man, that was a wild night.
Scott
You think?
Cooper
Scotty, where the hell are we going?
Scott
Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us.
...
[In the backyard] Scott's mother: Honey, where's Scotty?
Scott's father: Cooper said they were going camping.
Scott's mother: Oh, that's nice. And where's Bert?
Scott's father: **** if I know.
...
Mad Maynard
Hey! How are you, you scalawag! Look, given the current geopolitical climate, all European countries should have a seat at the table.
Cooper
Right.
Mad Maynard
Except those **** Ities. I hate them Italian bastards. You know what I mean?
Scott
Excuse me.
Mad Maynard
Hello, boyo!
Scott
What the hell happened last night?
Mad Maynard
You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce, son! Don't worry. We come and got ya, so you wouldn't miss the trip.
Scott
What trip? Where are we going? What do you mean, where are we going?
Mad Maynard
We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. Aren't we, boys? [All hooligans break out in cheers] Yeah!
Cooper
Why are you yelling at me?
So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs!
Cooper
Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here.
Scott
Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris!
Cooper
I know. Cecil told me.
Scott
Mieke's in Berlin.
Cooper
We're not going to Berlin.
Scott
What are we gonna do? We need a plan.
Cooper
See what I'm talking about? This is predictable Scotty talking. Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute.
Scott
That's why France and Germany have always been allies.
Aye, allies.
Scott
The twins. The twins are in Paris, right? We can call them. They could help. Let me see your phone.
Cooper
Okay, but I'm only supposed to use this for business calls. [Scott snatches the phone] Hey, don't...
...
Mad Maynard
Hey, lads! That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! Let's give this nancy a **** good kicking! Come on, lads, he's going off! [All the hooligans charge after the man]
...
Scott
All right. Twins said they'd meet us here. [Spots them] Look at that! There they are. Come on. Jenny! Jamie! Hey! Come here!
Jenny
No, no. No, no, no! Scott, bienvenue a Paris!
Scott
Thank you.
Cooper
Is that a new camera?
Jamie
It isn't just a camera, this is a Leica M. Uber-sensitive exposure settings, legendary cloth shutter system.
Cooper
Let me see that thing.
Jamie
No can do. I spent four years tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it, so nobody touches my camera but me.
Cooper
It's like your wiener.
Jamie
No, it's not... Jenny...
Jenny
Cooper, leave him alone. Wow, I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl.
Cooper
Wait, not just any girl. Show her the picture, Scotty. She makes girls in our high school look like walruses.
Jenny
I'm a girl from your high school.
Cooper
No, I mean "girl" girls.
Scott
Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris! Let's go to the Louvre!
To the Louvre!
Cooper
So, you guys wanna stay here, or should we check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower?
Jamie
Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted syphilis two blocks from here. Should we go?
Cooper
Can we please get out of here? This guy's really creeping me out.
Scott
Who, robot man? He's just trying to feed his robot family.
Cooper
I really don't like him.
Scott
Why? Because he's doing this?
Cooper
Okay, seriously, don't do that. Cooper. Do not hate me.
Scott
I am familiar with over 600 dance moves and I am programmed to get... freaky. You're just upset because people like me better. It's okay. [Robotman pushes him] Oh!
Jenny
Fight! Fight!
Cooper
Break the leg shot!
Scott
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Jamie
Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.
Scott's friends: Ohhh! That was not cool. Oh!
Scott
Guys, let's go. Come on.
Error! Error! Error!
...
Scott
How cool is this? It's a shame we only get to spend one day together. Why don't you come to Berlin?
Jamie
Umm, no.
Scott
Jamie, come on. In a few months, we go to different colleges. This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this. Plus, we're in Europe. Huh? This should be the trip of a lifetime. There's no way we should split up. All right, this table is now Europe, Okay? Excuse me. We are right here, in Paris, and I have got to get to Mieke, who is over here, in Berlin. If you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff to see along the way. We can go to Denmark.
Jenny
I love Denmark.
Cooper
We gotta hit Amsterdam.
Scott
Definitely.
Jamie
And the cathedral at Cameret!
Scott
Yeah... Maybe. We'll see.
Cooper
Whatever.
Scott
If there's time. Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke.
Cooper
Fine.
Scott
Excellent! All right! A toast!
Cooper
Yes!
Scott
To Mieke! To Europe!
To Europe! Merci. Berlin, here we come! All right.
