Eurotrip 2004 quotes

Scott

Hi, What do you wanna........ [pause] Soccer Hooligans

Cooper

Hey... This isn't where i parked my car.

Oye, Who the bloody hell are you? This is private members bar exclusively for the supporters of the greatest football team in the world...... Manchester United. Now please enlighten me... Who the **** are you?

Cooper

That is a good question and... Scotty?

Scott

We're the Manchester United Fan Club... from Ohio

If you are the Manchester United Supporters then sing the Manchester United song.

Scott

Excuse me, I'm sorry I'm not much of a singer

OYE... SING

Scott

My baby takes the morning train, he works from 9 to 5 and then, he takes another home again, to find me watching [pause] The manchester United Football team! the best freakin' team in all the land woohoo!!"

Pretty good.... pretty damn good lads, right!

Cooper

You're just a really cool dude with long hair.

So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunkey in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs!

Cooper

Wow. You guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here.

Cooper

Hey, check this out! I'm the pope!

Scott

Cooper... take off the pope hat.

Cooper

Oh, no. It's OK. I'm catholic.

Scott

Take it off, Goddammit!

Cooper

Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain! Only I can forgive you now, my son.

Cooper

Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run!

Scott

Stop.

Cooper

Let's see that again.

Video Scott

Fiona!

Cooper

This is just so brutal. And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on.

Video Scott

Fiona!

Scott

Bert, get out of here!

Cooper

All right. Stay black, bro. [Fist bumps him]

Okay. See you. [Walking in hallway] "Fiona!"

Mail, mother****er!

Scott

Hey, I got one from Mieke. "Happy Herzlichen."

Cooper

Still writing that guy? I thought that was for German class.

Scott

Yeah at first, but we're actually becoming good friends. He's a really cool guy. "Dear Mieke, greetings from your American pen pal."

Cooper

Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals. Listen to yourself, all right? You met a [does air quotes] "cool guy" on the "internet." This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know, he'll want to "arrange a meeting" where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, and make a wind chime out of your genitals. Come on, let's go to Wade's.

Scott

All right. Screw it. Let's go. I'm not gonna let Fiona ruin my graduation night. Auf wiedersehen, Mieke.

Hey, listen up, everybody. Gotta a little special thing I'd like to do tonight. Going to play a little song for you about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know... Fiona. [Fiona bursts out from crowd and jumps on stage] This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary. [Band starts playing] Scotty doesn't know, that Fiona and me, do it in my van every Sunday. She tells him she's in church. But she doesn't go. Still she's on her knees, and Scotty doesn't know... Oh, Scotty doesn't know... So don't tell Scotty, Scotty doesn't know... [Scott watches unimpressed]

So, I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunkie in the tradesmens' entrance, and have her lick me yardballs! Ha, ha!...

Cooper

Wow... you guys are like on a completely different level of swearing here.

Jamie

Crans Sur Mer. We change trains here.

Cooper

Well, we got a couple of hours to kill. What's there to see in this town?

Jamie

Hello? The Monument des Poissonieres. It's a monument to all the local fishermen who were lost at sea. Frommer's says it's supposed to be..."quite moving."

Cooper

What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue. I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when the train gets here.

Jenny

Hmm. Says here this town has a famous nude beach.

Cooper

All right, we can't all just lie around all day. We gotta experience the culture firsthand. Let's go exploring!

Jamie

Better let me hold on to those. [Puts it in money belt]

Cooper

What the hell is that?

Jamie

It's a traveler's money belt. Frommer's says if you have one of these, no one can rob you of anything.

Cooper

Except your dignity.

Jamie

No, you just put that in your... wait, what?

Cooper

Come on, guidebook. Let's go.
...

Cooper

Check it out. European ass. [Woman turns around and it's Jenny]

Jenny

What's up?

Cooper

Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some... girl. Come on. Platform 4.

Jenny

Thanks.

Jenny

Damn!

Christoph

I believe this is yours. Pleased to meet you. My name is Christoph.

Cooper

Jenny, let's go! Move it!

Jenny

Those are my friends. We're supposed to go to Berlin...

Cooper

Jenny!

Jenny

I'm coming!

Christoph

So, it was really nice to meet you. The pleasure was all mine.

Jenny

Jennifer.

Jenny

So you just go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet?

No, please. It is not like that. I also sleep with men.

Madame Vandersexxx

He's American. How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes. A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. A country where a man is forced to make sex to only one woman at a time, and one must learn the woman's name beforehand.

Beep-beep! Mail Mother****er!

Scott

Cooper, the hat! The hat! The hat is on fire!

Cooper

"We don't need no water let the motha... "

Scott

I'm not kidding! Look!

Cooper

Oh, holy shit!

Scott

I'm in love with Mieke.

Cooper

Okay, okay, you know what? I was actually expecting this, and frankly, no, listen, I'm flattered that you picked me to come out to first. And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause I think they already know.

Scott

No, you idiot. Mieke's a girl.

Cooper

No, no, no, I get it, yeah. He's the girl, then you're the girl. Sometimes you're both the girl. [pause] Right? Right? That's hot.