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Mike (son)
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Our government-controlled "media..."
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Sam
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Say hello to Consuela...
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The biggest... nastiest... mutant spider movie of all time!!!!
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Uh, maybe I don't need a shave...
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We're here in Propsperity, Arizona, with the only reports on government conspiracies, space aliens, and updated reports on when they plan to invade. It's a beautiful day in Prosperity, and it's time for America to WAKE UP PEOPLE! WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! But no, of course, they're still asleep.
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We've just received a report that our pet dog Skippy's been missing, fourth missing pet call we've had this morning. Yeah, it's strange, it's strange. And people are saying, well you know it's cayotes, and it's wolves, but we know the truth. Yes, we all know about those aliens, and the probe, heh, yes, the probe. Let's talk about the probe. I mean, what are they looking for? I mean, it's just wrong! What are they doing? I mean, Skippy didn't do anything to anyone, he doesn't deserve that! I'm telling you, it's wrong! If you want a piece of me, just don't take that piece!
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Where have you been, Wade? All the phones are dead!
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Yeah, Habronattus orbus.
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You know, that does look like an old piece of cactus.