Harlan We're here in Propsperity, Arizona, with the only reports on government conspiracies, space aliens, and updated reports on when they plan to invade. It's a beautiful day in Prosperity, and it's time for America to WAKE UP PEOPLE! WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! But no, of course, they're still asleep.
Harlan We've just received a report that our pet dog Skippy's been missing, fourth missing pet call we've had this morning. Yeah, it's strange, it's strange. And people are saying, well you know it's cayotes, and it's wolves, but we know the truth. Yes, we all know about those aliens, and the probe, heh, yes, the probe. Let's talk about the probe. I mean, what are they looking for? I mean, it's just wrong! What are they doing? I mean, Skippy didn't do anything to anyone, he doesn't deserve that! I'm telling you, it's wrong! If you want a piece of me, just don't take that piece!
Mayor Wade (Town hall)
OK OK calm down, this is a town meeting, not the WWF!
Deputy Pete Mr Mayor, I say those who want to sell, sell!
Wade Look, company wants either all of our properties, or none of our properties. They are paying us handsomely and they are paying us, to relocate.
Deputy Pete ...How do we know this isn't another of your get-rich schemes, like, building this mall out in the middle of nowhere?
M Miner
Or that ridiculous ostrich farm!
Wade It's good meat, it's healthy meat.
Harlan This is all just a government cover-up, isn't it?
Wade (few people giggle)
Harlan, what in God's name are you on about?
Harlan Then why are they willing to pay us so much money?
Wade We need the money to turn ourselves around. Unlike old man McCormack. God rest his soul. Now he's dead. As dead as those mines.
(enters)
You know those mines are filled with methane gas!
Wade Eh, this is a meeting for land owners only...
Well I am a land owner, Wade. (Steps into light)
Wade (false cheeriness)
Oh, Chris McCormack, I, didn't know you were back! (everyone turns amongst each other and begins to gossip)
