Valerie Gail I'm just a manicurist. I don't know about anything about anything, except nails. You know, nails?
Most-quoted character in Earth Girls Are Easy (1988): in 16 of its 22 quotes
Most scenes with: Candy Pink (4), Mac (3)
There's a giant blow dryer in my pool.
More lines from Valerie Gail
5 quotes Valerie Gail Valerie Gail Really, I could keep my mouth shut. I mean, I'm the kind of person that you could tell anything to and I'd never tell. Ask my cousin, Debbie. You know, she got like her boobs done and I never told anyone. Oh! Except I just told you.
Valerie Gail As if things weren't bad enough, now I've been abducted by aliens.
Valerie Gail [to Ted]
If meaningless sex is what you want, why can't you have it with me?!
Valerie Gail A relationship is a lot like a porcelain nail, Ted. You can break it, and you can glue it back together, but it's not going to be as strong as it was unless the person is really committed to not bringing home nurses!
Scenes with Valerie Gail
10 scenes
Joe, take us to hospital, please.
Joe
Hey, clown, you're going to the slammer!
Valerie [to Mac]
Listen, give them that love touch, then they'll come on to me. They'll be putty in my hands.
You want sex with Joe and Mike?
Valerie No, no, just so we can get away. Do it, do it! You'll see.
Valerie [Frantically to Candy]
A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and, um, they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight so you've got to cut their hair.
Owner of Beauty Shop
What did you say?
Valerie Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs. [Turns back to Candy] Candy, you've got to help them out.
Would you listen to yourself? Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself in this state over. Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted! Valerie, come here, just sit down, honey, relax, have a mental margarita, and everything is...
Valerie [Gets interrupted by Valerie]
Okay, I'm going to show you something that's going to totally change your life, completely, forever. Okay?
Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.
Valerie Candy, whatever you do, don't freak out.
Valerie!
Valerie I mean it, don't freak out. Promise me you will not freak out.
Stop it! You are freaking me out!
Valerie Ted is coming home tonight and there's a UFO in my pool. A UFO!
BFD. Ted's not going to be there for a few hours. Just chill out, Val.
Okay you guys, what's the plan for tonight?
Valerie Whoa, Candy, reality check. We can't go out with these guys, they're aliens!
So? They can still be dates! Do you guys have margaritas on your planet?
Valerie Candy, it's just not safe. I'll give you a lift home and that's it.
Don't get your panties in a bunch! We're with three major cute guys and it's Saturday night! Come on!
Wiploc
Finland is here?
Valerie Finland? No, this is the Valley. Finland is the capital of Norway. Gawd, you guys sure learn fast.
Valerie Wait a minute. Are you like coming on to me? Is this a pass? Because, I mean, if it is, sex is like totally out of the question.
What is sex?
Valerie Sex? You know, making love. A man and a woman like each other and they take their clothes off and...
Okay.
Valerie Well, no! No, no, no! We can't, no, because, I mean, me and Ted are, uh, are, uh, well, I guess we're not, but, I mean, uh, we can't because, I mean, you're an alien and I'm from the valley and we may not even be, you know, anatomically correct for each other. That could be - a real problem. [looks at naked Mac's groin] No problem. But, I mean, uh, no, no, no. I mean, it just wouldn't work! You're from out of town. The phone bills would just be hell.
Valerie You brought a girl home to have sex?
Well, you weren't supposed to be here, Val.
Valerie You were going to have sex without me?
Valerie Aw, Wiploc, I think I'll miss you least of all.
Wiploc
You want a liplock from Wiploc?
Valerie I didn't want you to think Earth girls were easy.
What is "easy"?
Valerie [kissing him]
This is "easy".
