Most scenes together: Valerie Gail & Candy Pink (4), Valerie Gail & Mac (3)
Okay you guys, what's the plan for tonight?
Whoa, Candy, reality check. We can't go out with these guys, they're aliens!
So? They can still be dates! Do you guys have margaritas on your planet?
Candy, it's just not safe. I'll give you a lift home and that's it.
Don't get your panties in a bunch! We're with three major cute guys and it's Saturday night! Come on!
A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and, um, they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight so you've got to cut their hair.
What did you say?
Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs. [Turns back to Candy] Candy, you've got to help them out.
Would you listen to yourself? Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself in this state over. Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted! Valerie, come here, just sit down, honey, relax, have a mental margarita, and everything is...
Okay, I'm going to show you something that's going to totally change your life, completely, forever. Okay?
Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.
Aw, Wiploc, I think I'll miss you least of all.
Wiploc You want a liplock from Wiploc?
Candy, whatever you do, don't freak out.
Valerie!
I mean it, don't freak out. Promise me you will not freak out.
Stop it! You are freaking me out!
I didn't want you to think Earth girls were easy.
What is "easy"?
Ted is coming home tonight and there's a UFO in my pool. A UFO!
BFD. Ted's not going to be there for a few hours. Just chill out, Val.
Wait a minute. Are you like coming on to me? Is this a pass? Because, I mean, if it is, sex is like totally out of the question.
What is sex?
Sex? You know, making love. A man and a woman like each other and they take their clothes off and...
Okay.
Well, no! No, no, no! We can't, no, because, I mean, me and Ted are, uh, are, uh, well, I guess we're not, but, I mean, uh, we can't because, I mean, you're an alien and I'm from the valley and we may not even be, you know, anatomically correct for each other. That could be - a real problem. [looks at naked Mac's groin] No problem. But, I mean, uh, no, no, no. I mean, it just wouldn't work! You're from out of town. The phone bills would just be hell.
You brought a girl home to have sex?
Well, you weren't supposed to be here, Val.
You were going to have sex without me?
Wiploc Finland is here?
Finland? No, this is the Valley. Finland is the capital of Norway. Gawd, you guys sure learn fast.
Woody Hey! Jail isn't so bad. It's where I learned how to surf.
Joe, take us to hospital, please.
Joe Hey, clown, you're going to the slammer!
Listen, give them that love touch, then they'll come on to me. They'll be putty in my hands.
You want sex with Joe and Mike?
No, no, just so we can get away. Do it, do it! You'll see.
Because I'm blonde, I don't have to think, I talk like a baby, And I never pay for drinks, Don't have to worry, About getting a man, If I keep this blonde, And I keep these tanned, 'Cause I'm a blonde, Yeah, yeah, yeah, 'Cause I'm a blonde, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see people working, It just makes me giggle, 'Cause I don't have to work, I just have to jiggle, 'Cause I'm blonde...
A relationship is a lot like a porcelain nail, Ted. You can break it, and you can glue it back together, but it's not going to be as strong as it was unless the person is really committed to not bringing home nurses!
As if things weren't bad enough, now I've been abducted by aliens.
