Most-quoted character in Dirty Work (1998): in 13 of its 14 quotes
Most scenes with: Sam (5), Kathy (3)
Scenes with Mitch
13 scenes
Mitch Sam, you remember how things were when we were young?
Mitch Yeah it was. I mean, I felt good about myself back then, y’know? If somebody messed with me, no problem. I didn’t take crap from anybody. Now I’m in my thirties, I can’t hold a job, I go with women I don’t even like. And worst of all, I take crap from absolutely everybody. Ah well, things could be worse, y’know, I uh… [louder] I coulda got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore!
Jimmy [Turning round to reveal his bitten-off nose]
You… bastard!
Mitch There’s two kinds of people in this world: Those who get stomped on, and those who do the stomping.
Where’d you come up with that theory?
Mitch A famous guy said it. What’s his name, uh… Oh yeah, Jesus.
Mitch Whoa, you got a dead hooker in the trunk!
Anton Phillips What? No! [Slams the trunk.] It can’t be!
Mitch Yes it was, it was a dead hooker!
Anton It wasn’t a dead hooker!
Mitch Hell, I know a dead hooker when I see one.
Anton What’s happening? Hey, folks, come on down…
Mitch [Sam opens another trunk remotely.]
Hey hey, here’s another dead hooker in this trunk!
Anton What?
Mitch [Sam opens another and another. Anton frantically tries to close them.]
Oh my goodness!
Anton What’re you doing?
Mitch I’ve never seen so many dead hookers in all my life!
Creepy Harry Lord knows I have.
Heather the Bearded Lady Hey baby. You ever had a chick with a beard before?
Mitch [Nervously laughs.]
Can’t say that I have there, bearded broad.
H Heather
Well then sugar, you haven’t lived.
Mitch [Into his tape recorder]
Note to self: I don’t want to live.
Sam:' You thinking what I’m thinking?
Mitch No no no no. I have a plan.
Mitch [After the rapists let him go.]
You fellas have a lot of growing up to do, I’ll tell you that! Ridiculous! Completely ridiculous! You believe these characters? Way out of line, way out of line! I’ve a good mind to go to the warden about this! You know what hurts the most is the… the lack of respect! You know? That’s what hurts the most. Except for the… except for the other thing. That hurts the most. But the lack of respect hurts the second most.
Hey doc, what happened to your foot?
Dr. Farthing What I don’t understand is, when you owe a bookie a lot of money, and he, say, blows off one of your toes, you still owe him the money. Doesn’t seem fair to me. Especially when he’s gonna kill me in four days anyway.
Mitch I tell you what. I’ll give you a dollar each if you go into this building here and run around yelling and sceaming.
Homeless guy (Fred Wolf); Ah y’know, that’s very nice, but I think what you probably need are like some psycho, out-of-control homeless guys.
Other homeless guy (Jim Downey): Yeah, we’re more the broken, spiritless, “I’ve lost the will to live” type homeless guys.
Mitch How ’bout for two dollars?
[Cut to the homeless guys running amok in the building.]
Mitch I mean we’ve always been like brothers. Now it’s just official. I mean it’s kinda cool.
Yeah, I guess it is cool. But it does change things.
Mitch How’s that?
Well, like remember the second grade, when we used those rusty soda can tops to become blood brothers? Well, it was really a bunch of trouble for nothing, because we were already brothers.
Mitch Yeah that’s right. Hey, hey! Hey, remember in fifth grade, when I was under the monkey bars and I sneaked a peek at your sister’s underwear? You remember that? Hey, no no: I was sneaking a peek at my own sister’s underwear!
[Laughing.]
That’s right. Oh yeah, and remember in the twelfth grade, you had sex with her?
Mitch [Both immediately stop laughing.]
Okay, enough reminiscing.
Mitch Yeah, it’s a long story.
Mitch Okay, it’s a short story.
I can’t believe I’m doing this. I don’t even know why I’m here.
Mitch Hey, why are you here? Oh wait, I remember: Intense physical attraction to me.
Mitch Hey, what’s up, fruity?
Travis Cole How did you… It doesn’t matter; you’ll be gone in a minute.
Mitch Aha! You didn’t count on my loyal army of prostitutes, did you?
Prostitute (Uni Park): [Growls at him.]
Travis All right, what do you want?
Mitch Ah, just relax. Let’s watch your dirty opera, huh?
Mitch Oh hey, by the way, Travis, do you remember, uh, do you remember when you said this?
Mitch on tape Note to self: Making love to blow-up doll not as good as advertised.
Travis No.
Mitch Oh, uh, sorry, I… Musta gone too far there.
Mitch Here’s the check for fifty thousand.
Dr. Farthing Oh, that’s great, Mitch. Say, what do you wanna bet I don’t go to my bookie?
Mitch No! You’re going straight to your bookie to pay him off so you can live and perform Pop’s heart transplant!
Other characters in Dirty Work
