Phil Let's get safety gate crazy.
Played by Jeff Garlin 
Daddy Day Care (2003) · 19 quotes
Daddy Day Care (2003) · 19 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Daddy Day Care (2003): in 6 of its 19 quotes
Most scenes with: Charlie (4), Marvin (2)
When The Carrot is done with you, you will be nothing but a kumquat!
More lines from Phil
1 quote Phil Scenes with Phil
4 scenes
What's going on?
Phil Your worst nightmare.
What?
Phil Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.
How was your day, baby?
I lost my J-O-B.
You lost your J-O-B?
I got F-I-R-E-D. Me and 300 other people.
They cannot do that.
Miss Harridan [Miss Harridan reads a flyer for a fundraiser called "Rock for Daddy Day Care"]
"Rock for Daddy Day Care. Help us finance our new permanent home." [put the flyer on her desk; to Jenny] Do you know what this means?
Jenny It's a chance to improve ourselves through a little healthy competition?
Miss Harridan [frustrated]
No, you bubble-headed idiot. It's a death sentence. If they get their hands on a big enough space, they'll ruin me. They're selling fun. I can't compete with fun. [turns away in anger] I should've crushed them in the beginning when they were weak. It'll be harder now, but I have no choice. I've got to stop them.
Jenny How're you gonna do that?
Miss Harridan [Miss Harridan turns back to Jenny and smiles cruelly]
By any means necessary.
Becca We need more learning about things!
More learning about things?
Becca Yes. We're at a very critical age. You have to feed our minds!
Charlie [to Phil]: Today, we need some organization and planned activities.
Phil No. We need Ritalin and leashes, that's what we need.
Jamie's Mom [to Jamie]: Who are you going to call if there's any problem? (gives her a phone)
Jamie 911, Mommy.
Jamie's Mom
Oh, such a good girl!
What's going on?
Phil Your worst nightmare.
What?
Phil [They walk out to where the actors for the test are, the actor for Mr. Carrot is in costume, but the actor who's supposed to play Mr. Broccoli is nowhere to be seen]
Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.
Actor
He got a callback for a potato chip commercial.
These snack foods are killing us!
Phil Yeah, I know...
[looks around for a replacement for Mr. Broccoli, his eyes land on Marvin, a nerdy outcast who's pilfering through the mail]
Marvin!
Yeah?
Phil [to Charlie]
Marvin? The guy who smells the mail?
[Marvin is seen sniffing the mail momentarily before walking over to Charlie and Phil] [quietly to Phil]
Yes, look; we need a guy who can wear a broccoli suit, not a normal person. [loudly] Marvin, my man! My friend Marvin! Hey man, what's going on today? Listen, we need a favor: We're having a little focus group in there and the guy who's supposed to wear the broccoli suit left, so you can put the suit on and cover for us.
No...I just can't do the broccoli, cause it's just not me. Sorry... [notices the guy in the carrot suit] Hey, can I be the carrot, though?
Yeah...Yeah, you can be the carrot! Let him try the carrot on!
Actor
No!
You're gonna be the broccoli!
Actor
I don't wanna be the bush!
It's not a bush, it's a stalk of broccoli! It's a strong stalk of broccoli!
Actor
[considering]
I'm pretty strong...
Yeah, you can make that work! Let's go in here and you go switch this suit on and get the broccoli! Trust me on this thing, let's go!
Mr. Broccoli
B-R-O-CC-O-L-I! [claps twice] I am the broccoli, and don't know why! C-A-RR-O and a T! Carrots are healthy for you and me! [starts shouting and dancing while The Message by Grand-Master Flash plays] Go broccoli! It's yo birthday! Go broccoli! It's yo birthday! Go carrot! Go carrot! Go carrot...
Mr. Broccoli
Hello, boys and girls! Zowie, do we have a special treat for you today!
[The kids in the focus group just stare at Mr. Broccoli, obviously not entertained] [reading off of flashcards that he's holding in his hand]
Hey! We have a brand-new cereal! [drops the flashcards] You're the first kids- [tries to bend over to get his cards] Help! [falls over onto his face; struggling to get up off the floor]
Mr. Broccoli
[decides to stand in for Marvin]
It's super yummy and LOADED... [pretends to blow smoke off the barrel of some finger guns] with all sorts of stuff that's good for you! And do you know what we call it? VEGGIE-OOOOOOOOOS!!!
Kid
[The kids begin to spit out the cereal in disgust, letting out audible "Eeewww!!"s]
THIS CEREAL SUCKS!!
Phil They're turning on us...
Give it a chance, let them get it in their mouths...They gotta taste it.
Kid
[throwing a bowl of Veggie-Os at the one-way mirror]
TAKE THAT!
Mr. Broccoli
Not in the Face! SAVE YOURSELF, CARROT!!!
Call security now - OH, SH - OH! HEY! STOP THAT!
Jim [Later, after the failure of the presentation of Veggie-O's]
We're killing it.
Hey, come on Jim, we had one bad test and it's a hard nut to crack. Any fool can sell chocolatey chocolate balls and cotton candy-flavored cereal to kids, man.
Jim [takes out his notebook and a pen and writes something down]
Cotton candy. That's not bad. Hey guys, look, I'm sorry, but it was a dog. Kids just don't want to eat vegetables for breakfast. Who knew?
It's exactly what I told you six months ago when you put us on this project.
Jim You did? Well, it's not just Veggie-O's. We're shutting down the whole health division.
Phil [appalled]
That's like 300 people.
Jim Yeah, it's just not a business we want to be in.
