Larry Well if anyone would know you were pulling your hips out early it'd be Annie.
Played by Robert Wuhl 
Bull Durham (1988) · 60 quotes
Bull Durham (1988) · 60 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Bull Durham (1988): in 26 of its 60 quotes
Most scenes with: Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh (15), Crash Davis (14), Annie Savoy (9)
Sears sucks, Crash. Boy, I once worked there. Sold Lady Kenmores. Nasty, whoa, nasty.
More lines from Larry
1 quote Larry Scenes with Larry
24 scenes
You don't want a ballplayer; you want a stable pony.
Nah.
Well, my triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month's dick in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, **** this **** game!
[Crash exits the office, stops and swears to himself disgustedly, and sticks his head back through the door]
Who we play tomorrow?
Winston-Salem. Batting practice at 11:30.
All right, then... [throws him a baseball] ...hit me in the chest with that.
I'd kill you!
Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a **** boat. [the crowd that has gathered gawks] Come on; right here, right in the chest.
No way!
C'mon, Meat! Throw it! You know you're not gonna hit me, cause you've already started to think about it, eh? Thinkin' about how embarassing it would be to miss in front of all these people, how somebody might laugh? Come on, 'rook, show us that million-dollar arm. 'Cause I got; oh yeah, I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours.
[LaLoosh throws the ball and misses Crash by several feet, breaking a window]
Ball four.
Who the hell are you, man?!
[LaLoosh charges at Crash, who drops him with one punch to the face]
Good punch...
I'm Crash Davis; I'm your new catcher, and you just got lesson number one; Don't think. You can only hurt the ball club.
Ebby?! [Ebby and Millie are half dressed in the locker room. Millie ducks behind a locker.] Jesus. Game starts in four minutes! Why ain't you warm?!
I am warm.
I'm fining you a hundred dollars. Jesus, Ebby, this is your professional debut tonight -- you know how many guys out there'd give blood to be in your shoes an' you're leavin' your fastball in the locker room for some piece of ass!
Skip, It's me! I'm not some quote piece of ass unquote.
Oh, Millie, jeez, sorry -- I didn't recognize ya. Don't take it personal but if I catch you in here again you're banned from the ballpark.
You can't ban me from the ballpark 'cause Daddy donated the scoreboard and if you banned me he might take the scoreboard away.
Whatta we need a scoreboard for? We haven't scored any runs all year. [to Ebby] Get your ass out there.
Hey Boss, I got a question.
You think I need a nickname? I think I need a nickname. The great ones have nicknames -- somethin' like Oil Can or Catfish...[to Millie] What was the one you suggested?
"Pokey"
Yeah, what do you think of "Pokey"?
Got time for another quickie?
Jesus, you got a game to pitch!
But we got three minutes.
Millie, you've got to stay out of the clubhouse. It'll just get everybody in trouble.
I got lured.
You didn't get "lured". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it -- "I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions".
I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions.
That's better.
Well, he ****s like he pitches. Sorta all over the place
Joe Reardon
He walked 18.
Larry New league record!
Joe Reardon
Struck out 18.
Larry Another new league record! In addition he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...
Larry [Joe laughs]
Also new league records! But, Joe, this guy's got some serious shit.
These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season. Usually takes me a couple weeks to pick the guy - kinda my own spring training. And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far, so I just thought we should kinda get to know each other.
Time out. Why do you get to choose?
What?
Why do you get to choose? I mean, why don't I get to choose, why doesn't he get to choose?
Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart. Uh, it's like pheromones. You get three ants together, they can't do dick. You get 300 million of them, they can build a cathedral.
Honey, you are a regular nuclear meltdown. You better cool off. Ha ha, ha ha!
After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't try out. Besides, uh, I don't believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.
What do you believe in, then?
Well, I believe in the soul. The ****, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. [pause] Goodnight.
Oh my. Crash...
Hey, Annie, what's all this molecule stuff?
Ooh, I've heard of stuff like this.
Yeah? Have you heard of Walt Whitman?
No. Who's he play for?
Bulls player
Jesus, Ebby! You look like shit!
Nuke! Call me "Nuke"! Annie says it's my new nickname.
Larry You're hooked up with Annie?! That's great, that's great! Every guy I've ever seen hook up with her has had the best year of his career! So, is she, ehhhhhhh, you know... as good as they say?
What? No, no, man, we didn't ****. No, she kept me up all night reading poetry. It's more tiring than ****.
Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn't listen to what a woman says when she's in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.
Yeah, you said "Crash"!
Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?
[to himself, in the batter's box]
You ain't getting that cheese by me, meat. Look for the fastball up. He's gotta come with the cheese. Relax. Relax. Quick bat. Pop the clubhead. Open the hips. Relax. You're thinking too much. Get outta your ****in' head, Crash.
[Pitcher starts his windup.]
Get on top of the ball. Quick bat. Don't let him in your kitchen --
[Swings and misses, offstride. Strike one. Crash steps out of the box and picks up dirt. Rubs it on his hands.]
You stupid ****, Crash. What're you swinging at a breaking ball for? Why's he starting me off with a hammer? **** me. You're okay. Stay back. Stay back, you dumb ****. Wait. Wait.
[Pitcher's next delivery. Crash lines drive down the first base line. Just foul.]
Throw that shit again, meat. Throw that weak ass shit. Now he's gotta try to slip the cheese by me. One and one. You're on top. Now bring me the gas --
[Pitcher's third delivery, right at Crash's head. Crash hits the dirt]
This son of a bitch throws hard. [pause] Annie, Annie, Annie -- who is this Annie? [catching himself] Jesus, get outta the box you idiot, where's your head? Get the broad outta your head!
Ump Time out!
Bat Boy
[Crash steps out of the box and motions to the bat boy for the pine tar rag. The boy brings it over. Crash re-applies it to his bat.]
Get a hit, Crash.
Shut up.
[Crash walks back into the box] [to himself]
Awright, awright. You've seen all his pitches. One and two. Relax. Wait. Quick bat. You can hit this shit -- Shorten up. Bring the gas... Be quick -- be quick -- yeah, yeah...
[Crash swings and misses. Strike three.]
Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic. [starts to walk away]
[to himself]
What's this guy know about pitching? If he's so good how come he's been in the minors for the last ten years? If he's so good how come Annie wants me instead of him?
[turns back]
Oh, hey, and another thing, Meat. You don't know shit, all right? If you wanna make it to the bigs, you'll listen to me. Annie only wants you so she can boss you around, got it? So relax! Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK? Fun goddamnit. And don't hold the ball so hard, OK? It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.
[to himself again]
: What's he know about fun? I'm young. I know about fun. An old man. He don't know nothin' about fun.
[behind the plate again]
: All right. Nobody's goin' out there. [Crash calls for a curve ball.]
[to himself]
: Why's he calling for a curve ball? I want to bring heat. Shake him off. Throw what you want.
[Crash gives Nuke the sign for the pitch, Nuke shakes his head again. Crash walks to the mound.]
Why are you shaking me off?
I want to bring the heater. Announce my presence with authority.
My presence with authority.
[in disgust]
To announce your presence with authority?! This guy's a first ball fastball hitter, looking for the heat.
So what? He ain't seen my heat.
All right, Meat. Give him your heat. [He walks back to his place behind the plate.]
Why's he always calling me Meat? I'm the guy driving a Porsche.
[Nuke throws it and the batter hits a home run, hitting the picture of the Durham Bull. The Bull roars and smoke comes from his mouth. The batter stands there, watching.]
What are you doing standing here? I gave you a gift. You stand here showing up my pitcher? Run, dummy.[The batter runs around the bases.]
Give me the ball. [He walks toward the mound.]
[Mechanized bull noises in background, signifying a home run]
Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he? [laughs]
Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the **** bull! Guy gets a free steak! [laughs]
You having fun yet?
Oh, yeah. Havin' a blast.
Good.
[pause]
God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
He did know.
How?
I told him.
[after Ebby didn't listen to Crash, and the ball became a home run]
Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?
You told him didn't you?
Yup.
The other day Crash called a woman's pu... pussy... um, well, you know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape?
Yes, I do.
Well, he called it the Bermuda Triangle. He said that a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again.
You're playing with my mind.
I'm trying to play with your body.
I knew it, you're trying to seduce me!
Well of course I'm trying to seduce you, for God's sake, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it... Aren't I pretty?
God, I think you're real cute.
Cute? Baby ducks are cute, I HATE cute! I want to be exotic, and mysterious!
You are, you're exotic, and mysterious, and... cute... and... That's why I'd better leave.
I never told him to stay out of your bed.
You most certainly did.
I never told him to stay out of your bed.
Yes you did.
I told him that a player on a streak has to respect the streak.
Oh fine.
You know why? Because they don't - -they don't happen very often.
Right.
If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid, or because you're not getting laid, or because you wear women's underwear, then you are! And you should know that!
[long pause]
Come on, Annie, think of something clever to say, huh? Something full of magic, religion, bullshit. Come on, dazzle me.
I want you.
It's time to work on your interviews.
My interviews? What do I gotta do?
You're gonna have to learn your clich?s. You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends. Write this down: "We gotta play it one day at a time."
Got to play... it's pretty boring.
'Course it's boring, that's the point. Write it down.
Last chance. Your place or mine?
Despite my rejection of most Judeo-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of the baseball season, monogamous.
You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry Lollygaggers!
Lollygaggers. What's our record, boy?
Larry Eight and sixteen.
8-16! How the hell did we ever win eight?
Larry It's a miracle.
It's a miracle!
How come you don't like me?
Because you don't respect yourself, which is your problem. But you don't respect the game, and that's my problem. You got a gift.
I got a what?
You got a gift. When you were a baby, the Gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're pissing it away.
I ain't pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already; a 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt.
Christ, you don't need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball! In the show, everyone can hit heat.
Well, how would you know? YOU been in the majors?
Yeah, I've been in the majors.
Larry [Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players' conference]
Excuse me, but what the hell's going on out here?
Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
. We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
Larry Okay, well, uh... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em.
Annie [instructing Nuke to pitch to Millie, who is wearing catcher's gear]: Now go ahead, put it in there!
I don't wanna; I'm gonna hurt the girl!
That "girl" has handled pitchers with much better records than one-and-seven.
1-6! Gimme the goddamned ball!
[Talking to Crash after another loss]
Hell of a shot. Sorry it got wasted. I don't know what to do with these guys; I beg, I plead, I try to be a nice guy. I'm a nice guy-
Scare 'em.
Huh?
They're kids. Scare 'em. That's what I'd do.
Yeah.. [Realizes something and walks away chuckling]
[Skip takes an armful of baseball bats and throws them at the guys in the shower]
Everybody into the Shower!! Anybody ain't in the shower in ten seconds gonna get fined a hundred dollars! Larry!
Larry [Begins counting to ten as all the players run into the shower area]
1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi, 5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi, 7 Mississippi, 8 Mississippi, 9 Mississippi, 10 Mississippi.
You guys...you lollygag the ball around the infield! You lollygag your way down to first! You lollygag in and out of the dugout! Do you know what that makes you? Larry?!
Larry Lollygaggers!
Lollygaggers! What's our record, Larry?
Larry 8-16.
8-16...How did we ever win eight?
Larry It's a miracle.
It's a miracle. This is a simple game: You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball. You got it?! Now we have got a twelve day road trip startin' tomorrow! Bus leaves 6 in the morning.
How come you don't like me?
Because you don't respect yourself, which is your problem. But you don't respect the game, and that's my problem. You got a gift.
I got a what?
You got a gift. When you were a baby, the Gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're pissing it away.
I ain't pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already; a 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt.
Christ, you don't need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt, what you need is a curveball! In the Show, everyone can hit a fastball.
Well, how would you know? YOU been in the majors? Pft!
...Yeah, I've been in the majors. [Players mutter in surprise]
Player
You were in the Show, man?
Yeah, I was in the Show. I was in the Show for twenty-one days once. The twenty-one greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the Show? Somebody else carries your bags; it's great. You hit white balls for batting practice. Ballparks are like cathedrals. The hotels all have room service. The women all have long legs and brains.
Player
They're really hot, huh?
And so are the pitchers. They throw ungodly breaking stuff in the Show. Exploding sliders. [To LaLoosh] You could be one of those guys. Nuke could be one of those guys, but you don't give a ****, Meat.
Listen I am sick and **** tired of you calling me "Meat". Do you wanna step outside?
Yeah, I'll step outside!
Larry [Nuke and Crash start fighting, Larry runs to the back of the bus to break it up]
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Crash! What's up?
I was- I was just gonna ask Crash to show me how to throw a breaking ball
Larry Good idea. Good idea. Here, here, here, anybody got a ball? Who's got a ball?
