Most-quoted character in Blast from the Past (1999): in 6 of its 9 quotes
Most scenes with: Adam Webber (3)
A duck goes into a pharmacy wanting some lip balm. The druggist asks if that will be cash or credit, and the duck replies "Put it on my bill!"
Calvin These are stock certificates. They denote ownership in a company.
Those look pretty. May I see them?
Calvin Sure. They are yours. Your mother and I bought these for you before you were born to give you some money to help you out in your adult years. Unfortunately, they are all worthless now.
All of these things, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Heroin Anonymous..
There is a Heroin Anonymous?
Will you please...shut up?
Sorry.
All of these things ask you to believe in something greater than yourself. Well, I have turned my eyes skyward a time or two, and I have seen nothing, except an airplane or two, which I cannot afford to get on!
Earthquake!
Let it be. [Drunk runs for cover. Floor breaks and Calvin, wearing a radiation suit rises]
Calvin Webber Welcome! [shines flashlight at Archbishop Melcher, who just hid nearby] Leave my elevator alone.
Got a light, honey?
Calvin Were you a victim of the blast?
Honey, I have been a victim of the blast, the clap, you name it. As the song goes, a country boy can survive.
Calvin Did you say you were a country boy?
Cute little old man, if you want a boy I can be a boy. If you want a girl I can be a girl.
Calvin No thank you, good day. [gets inside adult bookstore; scream heard offscreen] AAAUGH!
Calvin Son, stay out of the adult bookstore.
How come?
Calvin Poison gas is in there.
Dad, I don't know how to tell you this and I was gonna wait for a while to do it, but... Dad, there was no bomb. A plane crashed in our backyard. I looked it up in old newspapers.
Calvin Webber You sure?
Positive. The Soviet Union collapsed without a shot being fired. The Cold War's over.
Calvin That's what everybody believes?
Yes, sir. It's true.
Calvin What, the Politburo one day say "we give up"?
Yes. That's kind of how it was.
Calvin Uh-huh. [finally realizes that World War III didn't come to pass] My gosh, those Commies are brilliant! You've got to hand it to 'em! "No, we didn't drop any bombs! Oh yes, our evil empire has collapsed! Poor, poor us!" I bet they've even asked the West for aid! Right?
Um, I think they did.
