The Big Sick (2017) quotes

View Quote Azmat Nanjiani: (to Kumail) You should be stylish like your father. It's not very difficult. Just observe me.

View Quote Azmat: Look at these jeans, Kumi. They're from Citizens of Humanity, that's the brand's name. Touch them. They're so soft.
Kumail: I don't want to touch your jeans.

View Quote Emily: (spitting out drink) What is that crap?
Nurse Judy: We have to thicken your liquids for a bit. Your esophagus isn’t strong enough to swallow yet.
Emily: That shit tastes like semen.
Terry: That's nice for a father to hear.

View Quote Emily: Hey guys, I think I might just pop out for a bit.
Terry: By yourself?
Emily: Yeah, just hop around the block, maybe get some frozen yogurt.
Terry: Are you okay? Can you do it, can you walk by yourself?
Emily: Yeah, Dad.
Beth: Have fun.
Terry: If you feel a coma coming on, call us.
Emily: Dad, it's too soon.

View Quote Kumail: How's your sandwich?
Beth: Best **** sandwich I ever had.

View Quote Mary: I know you did not get Montreal and that is only because you did one of the worst sets I’ve ever seen in my goddamn life.
CJ: It was nonsense.
Mary: A living disgrace.
CJ: I would call it shit, but I would be worried that I'd be insulting actual shit.
Mary: Yeah, it was so bone-chilling to me, I thought a ghost had passed right through me.
Kumail: We don't have to keep going over how bad the set was. I saw their faces and the noises they didn't make.
Mary: I felt one of my eggs die.
Kumail: Doesn't that happen every month?

View Quote Naveed Nanjiani: Listen to yourself. You hardly sound Pakistani. "Cookies"? You sound like Julia Louis-Dreyfus. You're such a burger.

View Quote Sharmeen Nanjiani: Since when are you someone to stand up? You know who I think should stand up is Malala. She has something to say, she has something to say!

View Quote Terry: [rhetorically] Who goes to a math conference to get laid?
Kumail: Math teachers?

View Quote [Kumail pulls up in his car and talks to the Drive-Thru box.]
Stu: Welcome to Quick'n Hot. May I take your order, please?
Kumail: Yeah, um... Can I get a burger with four slices of cheese?
Stu: Four burgers. Anything else, sir?
Kumail: No, one burger with four slices of cheese. (silence) One burger with four sli--
Stu: I'm sorry. We can't do that.
Kumail: Just put four slices of cheese on a burger.
Stu: We can’t do that. There's no button--
Kumail: (gets irritated) Who the **** is this "we", man?! Who the **** is this "we"?! It’s me and you! We're just people! **** listen to me! **** this corporate entity! Put four slices of cheese ON THE **** BURGER!!!
Stu: (silence) We can't do that.
Kumail: WHAT THE ****, YOU **** IDIOT?! (gets out of the car and runs to the pickup window) Hey! Hey, look at me! Look at me! 'Cause I'm a human being, you're a human being! Look at me! Look me in the eyes when you **** me! Look at me! PLEASE!
Stu: Today's my first day.
Kumail: **** YOU!
[In a fit of anger, Kumail turns to the nearby garbage can and starts pulling trash out of it. He locks eyes with Stu.]
Stu: I'll just ring you up for four burgers.
Kumail: I'm sorry.
Stu: (unemotional) Do you want any fries or drink with that?
Kumail: I'll take four fries. I'm sorry.
[Kumail starts putting the trash back in the trash can.]

View Quote (to Kumail) Naw dog. I'm not joking. You're not funny to me. You just make me sad. You make me sad inside of my heart, and it makes me sad to look at you. So I think you should probably go. Just go and tell my mom I want her. (Kumail is stunned.) Will you please get my mom?

View Quote Apparently, there are good and bad comas. And the kind that they put her in, the medically induced ones, are definitely the good kind of coma. Like you know how there are good and bad carbs? Gremlins, those can be good or bad.

View Quote I read in an interview with Hugh Grant, he said he doesn't smile because it makes his face look fat. So I didn't smile in pictures for many years.

View Quote It’s just really hard to do standup comedy when your girlfriend is in a coma.

View Quote Look at me. Look me in the eyes when you **** me! Look at me. PLEASE! (after fast-food worker refuses his order)