E Everyone
[Sonny returns home after work. He slides open the apartment door and sees a large party waiting]
SURPRISE!!!
Shh. Just ignore him. It's only Sonny. It's only Sonny.
Yeah, "it's only me, it's only me". [walks over to Tommy, Phil and Mikey] What's going on?
Phil Corrine's throwing a surprise going away party for Kevin.
Why didn't she tell me about it? The roommate has a right to know.
Phil Because she knew you'd tell him and ruin the surprise.
MA Man at party
[Kevin walks in on the party, almost no one notices]
Hey, surprise!
E Everyone
[unexcited]
Surprise. Surprise. Surprise.
Kevin [confused]
What's going on?
[walks to the front of the party and realizes the surprise didn't work; to Sonny]
We wasted the good surprise on you!
Kevin [Corrine runs away to the bathroom, crying] [to Sonny]
This your handiwork?
Kevin See you in three hours.
Tommy [referring to Kevin and Corrine]
That relationship's lasted a lot longer than I thought.
Yeah, look at his eyes, though. He's bored out of his mind. I give it two more weeks.
Kevin [stands up in the middle of the party to make an announcement]
Hey, excuse me! Everybody! I wanted to thank you all for coming tonight. Or I guess I should say, [speaking Chinese and everyone laughs politely] I'm getting it. Uh, tomorrow I'm leaving for China to represent the fine firm of Morton & Mandel. Yes, me, the same guy who once shaved his ass to win a $5 bet.
Tommy [Everyone laughs again]
Prove it! [everyone else laughs but Mikey gives him a look] Just kidding.
Kevin But, uh, I am real glad you're all here tonight because I'm about to do something I never thought I'd have the guts to do...
You're not proposing, are ya?!
Kevin [Everyone turns and looks at Sonny]
Uh, yeah, pal, I am.
Well, think about it...ya know?
[annoyed]
God, Sonny! Shut up!
Kevin [The room goes silent] [sits down with a sigh]
Anyways. Will you?
[glares at Sonny, to Kevin]
Yeah. [kisses him]
Tommy [Everyone applauds] [sarcastically to Sonny]
Good call on the two weeks, pal.
Kevin [Cut to Sonny putting on the roof. Kevin walks out]
Hey Sonny, what was that all about?
Hey, congratulations, you and "Big Boobs" McGee are gonna be real happy.
Kevin Don't call her "Big Boobs" McGee.
You want to explain to your children that you met their mother while she was waitressing at Hooters?
Kevin Sonny, that was five years ago, she's a doctor now. And my fiancé, so from now on...Dr. "Big Boobs" McGee.
Kevin Thanks, man.
[Kevin and Sonny sit down next to each other]
I just got shit going on.
Kevin What's the matter?
Vanessa's gonna break-up with me and I don't know what to do to make her want to stay.
Kevin Vanessa's just getting older, she wants different things, ya know? Career, stable relationship, a family. That's how they get.
I just want things to go back to the way they used to be.
Kevin Like when we were at Syracuse? And Vanessa worshipped you?
Kevin Nobody was hassling you to get a job, Tommy and Phil were showering separately. [Sonny chuckles and nods] Those were the days. [Sonny goes to the putting green on their rooftop] What're you doing?
If I make this putt, Vanessa will realize she likes me the way I am.
Kevin Oh, you're gonna putt? Remember, the roof breaks to the right.
[makes a putt]
Yes! That's what I'm talking abou- [a rat comes out of the hole] GOOD GOD!!!
Kevin That can't be good.
[Sonny's meeting with his family and friends at Hooter's for his surprise birthday party]
Sonny, I beat you so bad at basketball yesterday.
Well, then, I guess I better stop letting you win.
Kevin I stopped letting him win six weeks ago, he still beat me.
Well, that's because you suck.
Kevin Oh, yeah, that's it.
Hey, Corinne. Put on a tank-top for old times' sake, huh? C'mon!
[Corinne gives Sonny a look]
What's he talking about, Mommy?
[smiles knowingly to Sonny]
NOTHING....
[Everyone laughs]
