Melvin P. Thorpe quotes from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)

Melvin P. Thorpe

The public has a right to know what is goin' on out there, and what kind of payoff you're acceptin' to protect that notorious house of ill repute.

Ed Earl

First thing. First thing is: you're standin' in Lanvil County, which by my figurin' is about 100 miles west of that stinkhole you call Houston. So I can't see it's any of your business what goes on out here. Number two: you ain't the law around here, and I am! So don't be tellin' me what my GOD DAMN job is, or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll look like the stripes on a barbel poll! Number three: no sawed off little pecker is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live to tell about it! Cuz I wear the badge in this god damn county, SO YOU LISTEN AND LISTEN GOOD you overpadded televisin' turd! If I ever see you or any of those little bastards that work for you in my town again, I'm gonna knock you so flat, you're gonna have to roll down your socks to shit! So get outta here you GOD DAMN WIG-WEARIN' CITIFIED SON OF A BITCH! [Draws his gun and begins firing it into the air]

Melvin P. Thorpe

Governor, Melvin P. Thorpe, Watchdog News. Why has the Chicken Ranch operation been so long ignored?

The Governor

We seem to be having some acoustic problems in here.

Melvin P. Thorpe

Aren't you afraid of possible pay-offs and bribes?

The Governor

Melvin, I'm sorry.

Melvin P. Thorpe

Enough o'this pussyfootion', Governor, what do you intend to so about the Miss Mona and the Chicken Ranch?

Melvin P. Thorpe

Now, Miss Mona, I don't know her/ Though I've heard the name, Oh yes / But of course I've no close contact / So what she is doing I can only guess / And now Miss Mona / She's a blemish / On the face of that good town / I am taking / certain steps here / Someone, somewhere's gonna have to closer her down.

Was that a yes or a no?

It's a possible maybe.